


Hard Lines and Gentle Hearts

by azzule



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Black Hermione Granger, Character Study, F/F, Gender Identity Exploration, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Minor appearances of other Characters - Freeform, Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 77,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26074681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azzule/pseuds/azzule
Summary: It wasn’t like the thought had never crossed her mind, especially on those days when they wandered through parks. It could be so easy to get caught up in the idea that they were on a proper date, but most of the time the thought would fade away as fast as it came.They were friends, and Tonks liked being friends with Hermione.(The one where they talk about missed opportunities to snog in a movie theater, and then they start going to the movies).
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 53
Kudos: 93





	1. Stolen Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I read HP for the first time at 11, and was happy to just read and enjoy fanfics for years until now.
> 
> In light of the author's declarations about transgender women, I was very hurt but determined to redeem some of the characters that I've loved for so many years. 
> 
> Being a non-binary peep myself, I figured that the best way to cope with this transgression, was to create something that would meta-insert people like me (and many others across the spectrum of queerness) into the narrative that has pushed us to the sidelines so many times.
> 
> With that said, my disclaimer: I am not making any money out of this, I am doing this for fun and healing purposes. I am just borrowing the characters and reinterpreting them without churning any profits.
> 
> I hope that whoever reads this, likes it as much as I liked writing it.

It was a Friday night, and they were in the living room of Tonks’ flat, sitting down in very comfortable soft green couches, each with a glass of wine in their hands. They had come back from their regular late lunch date, and decided to relax back at the flat, neither of them ready for the day to end, but without wanting to go out or face a crowd. Ginny had invited Hermione to a party that was being thrown to celebrate the end of the Quidditch season for the Harpies, but Ron was probably going to be attending, and it felt like the event required much more energy than she had at the moment.

Hermione was currently sitting sideways on a small couch, knees up to her chest, back leaning on the arm of the couch, and her socked feet wiggling on the other arm. She was facing the bigger couch where a sprawled Tonks rested with her body half sitting up half laying down. She was also barefoot –no shoes inside the flat please–, and was balancing her glass of wine on her stomach, holding it up with both of her hands from the stem.

At the moment, they were engaged in a conversation that started when Tonks asked Hermione why she didn’t want to go to the party, choosing instead to willingly hang out with an old lady.

“Parties have never felt like my natural habitat, I never know what to do in them. Ginny is sweet for inviting me, but she also knows how I feel about them. Honestly, I don’t think she’s surprised I declined, she probably expected it.”

Tonks hmm’d. She knew Hermione had more to say, so she refrained from cutting in. They had been spending enough time with each other to be able to pick up on these cues. Hermione had a tell, if she was merely making a pause to gather herself before continuing her train of thought, she’d stay still, focused completely on the rapidly firing connections inside her head, until she’d find what she was looking for and carry on. The moment she’d continue her whole body would snap into movement again, so Tonks allowed Hermione a moment to think.

“Ron was also going to be there.” Hermione said quietly and sipped on her wine, a slight crease on her brow. “We’re okay now, it’s been months already, but he’s still a bit awkward around me. I didn’t want to do awkward tonight.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place then, I may be a lot of things, but awkward hasn’t been used to describe me yet. Not to my face at least!” Tonks smiled at her chuckling friend, “You’re always welcome to hang out with me, love. Mi casa es su casa.”

  


Tonks was aware she was trying to be extra funny on purpose, but she couldn’t help remembering those few weeks after Hermione broke up with Ron. How devastated she had been, how lost she seemed to be. _‘I know it was all for the best, it didn’t feel right’_ an anguished Hermione had told her, _‘we just kept fighting all the time– but it still hurts like hell.’_

When the breakup happened, they had been tentative friends, coinciding at the Burrow on dinner parties that they both partook in as Honorary Weasleys; both adopted by the whole clan and welcomed with a familiarity that only being a witness to the horrors of a war could bring. But soon after the Battle, Ron and Hermione had become RonandHermione, riding on the war’s victory high, and eager to rush through life with the ecstasy that came with surviving after so many years of terror.

They weren’t the only ones. Many more across the country, and even across Europe were hungry for a life full of jubilation that they felt they were owed. The celebrations were loud, they were bold, they were full of everything that people had been denied for so long.

And so when the breakup happened, it tilted the tentative structure that everyone surrounding RonandHermione had. It had seemingly come out of nowhere for everyone, after almost 2 years of apparent blissful romance. The pink-hued bubble burst not only for their friends and family, but for the wizarding world also; everyone believed they were well on their way to the fairytale ending that the two thirds of the Golden Trio deserved. But if the war heroes couldn’t make it work, then how would everyone else even fare?

The next time that Tonks attended a dinner party at the Burrow, Hermione was not there, and the hollow of her absence throughout the function was felt by everyone; it was obvious from the way everyone avoided mentioning her name (when they did they did so with a subdued voice as if they didn’t want to cause more pain to Ron or themselves), and from Ron’s dishevelled state and red-rimmed eyes. Tonks herself realized that the amount of interactions they both shared in these affairs were more than she originally thought, always having labeled them to be casual and brief, now noticing for the first time that she always looked forward to the conversations they would engage in.

But because Hermione needed space from Ron, that meant she had to give up the people surrounding him, at least temporarily. The situation was in all its form and right a divorce, and the months following the split, everyone was caught in the limbo of choosing sides without intending to. Hermione had told her that Ginny would ask her so many questions and observe her with concerned eyes, as if carrying a dubiousness in her chest for Hermione’s motivations, like she hadn’t been in her right mind when she went through with the breakup. The Weasley family would try to be supportive, but Ron was hurting, and Hermione hadn’t thought it was fair to visit much in the aftermath. And Harry, always the one in the middle of their squabbles, was now stuck in the heaviest of them all, so she decided for him.

She wasn’t shunned, but it was almost as if, a self imposed break. So after that first dinner without Hermione, Tonks decided to send her an owl as soon as she could. Her own relationship with Remus had ended a good number of months ago, and although it was an amicable split, she acutely remembered the ache and loneliness that came with ending the relationship. Even if the decision was the correct one in the long run, pain couldn’t be avoided. In the letter, Tonks had point-blank told Hermione that breakups were horrible, and that they still had a pending conversation about the merit of adding Runes to non-verbal spells for strength. It was a conversation that she knew Hermione couldn’t pass up on, and a day later she couldn’t help the big grin on her face as she read Hermione’s agreement to meet up.

It had been around 8 months already, and even though Ron and Hermione were in a much better place, the tension of their breakup a faint wound that was steadily closing, Tonks and Hermione built a friendship that continued to grow as time passed.

  


Tonks was reminiscing about their journey, when Hermione brought her back to the moment.

“I didn’t know you knew Spanish.”

“An auror must know many things, youngling.” Tonks shrugged her shoulders, making the wine glass move vigorously again. “I’ve had a few missions that required me to learn a bit, nothing much. I can ask for a beer and the location of the loo.”

They went quiet for a bit, until Hermione broke the silence, “There are many things I don’t know– about my friends, about you, even about me, just in general. It’s as if now that we aren’t fighting anymore, we’re finally getting to know each other. I can’t help but feel like I missed out on a lot, I never had the regular teenager experiences. We were always too busy trying not to get killed.”

“That’s rich coming from the girl who’s in her twenties and who declined going out with her friends on a weekend night, to spend time inside of a flat drinking wine with a fossil and talking about feelings.”

“You’re my friend and this is not my flat, so technically, I’m out on a Friday.” said Hermione without missing a beat.

“I have been, once again, outsmarted by _the great_ Hermione Granger,” laughed Tonks, the movement in her body causing her glass to tilt precariously, the wine inside swishing from side to side. Hermione saw it happen and readied her wand, this happened more often than not. Noticing Hermione’s wand, Tonks gave her a toothy grin and said, “Anti-spilling spell! I’ve learned my lesson...sss, lessons.

I understand what you said though, you didn’t have time to grow up on your own terms. There was always a crisis happening, and the choice was taken from you. I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt, fighting deranged gits before your second decade! But what I can tell you is that you really didn’t miss out on a lot. Being a regular teenager just means being stupid, horny, and very angsty– All the time? No, tanks, do not recommend.” Tonks raised her almost empty glass of wine to Hermione in a fake toast motion.

“I hardly doubt everyone was that way!” Hermione protested even as she chuckled.

“Hmm, I’m sure everyone was shagging like crazy at Hogwarts, conflict or not.” Tonks couldn’t help her grin at the spluttering Hermione gave at that comment. “There were always too many empty classrooms and hidden alcoves in that castle, perfect for some action.”

“Not everyone, no! I didn’t– Besides, I didn’t mean lewd things–!”

“ _Lewd?_ Seriously Hermione?”

“–I was talking more about general _appropriate_ things! Like I don’t know, going out for fish and chips with friends, or spending the afternoon at a mall gossiping and being careless!”

“Do you even like gossiping?” Tonks asked, hiding a smile from behind her glass of wine.

“Well, not really, no. But it’s the possibility of it!”

They fell into a soft silence, still engulfed in the laughter of their banter.

“You lot were different, weren’t you?” Tonks continued the conversation, “You were the ones who were in the battlefront, so anything hormone motivated would have ruined the planning and the focus. So I, for one, am happy that you kept your concentration on you know, saving the wizarding world instead of frolicking.”

Tonks raised herself a bit and made to grab her glass of wine before continuing, “Do you want to do those things now?” Hermione blinked and stared at her with big eyes and raised eyebrows.

“Frolicking?” Tonks had been sipping from her cup when Hermione asked the question in a comically affronted tone of voice, and it was now her turn to splutter at her friend. Her eyes were wide, and she was sure she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

Before Tonks’ brain could even manage to think of a reply, Hermione broke into a mischievous smile and threw her head back in laughter, the sounds of her playful laugh mixing with the twinkle in her eyes.

“You’re pulling my leg! I already had four exit routes identified, woman!”

“You brought it on yourself, I’m spending too much time with you and now I’m always noticing these great opportunities to mess with you.” Snorted Hermione, while reaching out to grab the wine bottle from the coffee table, topping up her glass, and then stretching to do the same with Tonks’.

“It’s dumb though,” Hermione continued the conversation after settling in again, moving her body to face Tonks more, “I would make the same choices every single time, if given the opportunity. Snogging in dark corners of a movie theater doesn’t hold a candle against Harry being alive and at peace.”

“Hermione, it’s not dumb, it’s okay to yearn for those things, to feel like you were robbed. You guys– you alone went through a lot, and many of these circumstances were so completely– harrowing. You deserved those things by right, you _were_ robbed, you and many, many others. You won’t get them back, and I know you don’t really _want_ them back, but talking about it might help. Listen to me, I’m older and wiser.”

Hermione sighed, and let her head fall back against the couch’s back. 

“You’re not that wise, Tonks.” Tonks grinned and decided that if Hermione wanted to switch to a more playful atmosphere, then she could definitely help.

“You know, now that you mentioned this, I’ve always wanted to snog in a movie theater, like a regular, horny muggle teenager. I’m old now of course,” _–Tonks, you’re 26.–_ “Precisely, my friend, I’m on my deathbed already, but it would’ve been a laugh to go with a boyfriend - or girlfriend, mind you, or well, partner because I’m inclusive! - to the movies and just allow myself to be excited over them holding my hand… and possibly more!

I’m too shameless for that to give me the butterflies now, but it would’ve been nice!”

Hermione covered her face in her hands in embarrassment and laughter, “Gosh, you have a one track mind, and you don't have to be a muggle teenager to do that!”

“I know, but the excitement of being a clueless teenager on a first date will never be matched!” Tonks was talking animatedly with her hands, having moved her glass of wine to the coffee table to her left. She was relaxed and didn’t feel the need to have a tight control on her physical changes. “Imagine knowing that you will receive your first kiss at the end of the date! I’d be a wreck!” 

Her Auror training had required her to work very hard on her metamorphmagus abilities, keeping an extremely rigid regime to minimize uncontrolled switches. But with the wine and the bubbling laughter, her hair changed color every so often, as it did whenever she was at ease and feeling something intensely. It was subtle because she was still aware of the shifts, but noticeable enough for Hermione to look at her with curiosity. She only ever let her guard down like that at home or with close friends. Tonks noticed the look, and shot her eyes up, as if trying to take a peek at her own hair.

“I mean, more of a wreck than usual.” Tonks laughed at herself and gave Hermione a big grin.

“You’re just being silly, no one wants to… do things in a theater!”

“Hey, this is _my_ fantasy, sitting all the way to the back of the theater and doing things seems pretty alright to me!”

Hermione laughed loudly and shook her head, Tonks knew more things were being left unsaid, that Hermione was still carrying the weight of the guilt that came with longing for things she couldn’t have.

She was still pretty young, but the strain of the war left her with a perpetually serious face, stoic in most situations. Letting her guard down three years ago would’ve surely meant dying, and although the war was finally over and the imminent danger was gone, the trauma was still festering. Tonks was no stranger to unrest, having been witness to too many things during the war that couldn’t be unseen. But in these moments, in the comfort of a safe haven, Hermione’s face lines were caused by joy, and Tonks’ shifting hair followed the sound in a cacophony of pulses and stimuli.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, yay! 
> 
> I want to say that I am part of the capitalistic machinery that allows me to eat, so my full time job only grants me some respite every once in a while.
> 
> I have written a few more chapters, and the rough outline of the story, but updates will still vary.  
> I will finish the story though, even if there are only 2 people in the room, mostly because I showed it to a friend and they have been on my butt to get me to keep writing.
> 
> Feedback is always, always welcome. Thank you, stay safe.


	2. Intersections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After being so many years in this fandom, I have many headcanons that I borrowed from both my own interpretation of the series and from other fanfics. I sometimes confuse actual canon from my own headcanons, to be honest.
> 
> One of the main reasons why I started writing this story, was because I felt like so many things have been left unsaid and unexplored, and I wanted to make sense of them.
> 
> I hope you like it.

The first time they went to the movies was three weeks later, they had just finished lunch in a tiny place just east of a main road, and were packing up their things so they could move onto the next part of their outing. They had agreed on lunch today, and maybe a bit of a stroll, before parting ways for the day.

All their friendly lunch dates always went somewhat the same, with food and conversation first, trying to catch each other up on their activities in their daily lives. Afterwards they would stroll through a park, more often than not on their way to a bookstore or a music shop. By now, both of them knew almost all of the muggle shops that existed in the vicinity of the restaurants they frequented, thus deciding what type of book or music they wanted to explore depended on the type of food they wanted. 

A craving for pho would take them east, a tiny park with benches a few blocks away from the restaurant, and a nice small bookstore across the street. Sometimes Hermione would want to eat fish curry, and that would take them to a more populated part of the city, with coffee shops in every corner, and different sized bookstores to choose from. At other times Tonks would want to go into a record store, and peruse the stacks of undiscovered muggle music, Hermione happily offering a bit of her knowledge of the music she knew from her childhood years with her family. They crossed neighborhoods and cultures, exploring the niches of the elements that constructed them; buying a book here or a record there, hoping to gain a bit more insight into other people’s realities. In those moments, when Tonks would sample a record and listen to sounds of instruments she’d never heard before, she would be acutely aware of how little the british magical world intertwined with other cultures.

It had become a bit of a tradition, to venture into the muggle world and explore the parts that they had missed out on, trying to grasp a bit of that world that they both had snippets of from childhood, but that had become disconnected from them in exchange of swirls of wands, immediate results to everyday life, and a desperate desire to stay alive in a world that rejected anything non magical. Now, with the war over and the slow reconstruction of everything that had fallen, physical and otherwise, they like many others, felt the need to reconnect with parts of themselves that they had shut down in the name of survival.

It felt good to share with each other the slow exploration of themselves and the other world that they belonged to by right, with little explanation as to why it even mattered so much. Their other friends were always willing to go into the adventure that the muggle world presented, but they all saw it as fantastical and full of wonder, instead of the prosaic and sobering environment it actually was, with machines and calculations for things that magic created with a swish and flick. They understood both worlds, caught in the middle of their identities, full of longing and pragmatism.

They both toyed the lines with their identities, intersecting vertices sculpted of tidbits of themselves. That was one of the things that had drawn Tonks to Hermione, in the early stages of their friendship. Hermione understood what it meant to navigate different realities, she understood that the version that existed in one world was as real as the one shown in the other world. Hermione knew about it as a muggle born witch, but also as a black woman, as someone who always seemed to have to sacrifice a part of herself regardless of the world she was existing in at particular moments; always losing something in the translation of her identity between the realms, living culture shock within the borders she inhabited, both geographical and in her own body. A war in one sphere, hoping to erase the limits of distinction and bigotry, didn’t signify the end of these dissonant moments in the other spheres of her existence.

And Tonks, well she could change everything about her physical self, and while that was mostly seen by everyone as an advantage due to her career choice, it also meant her intersection was in the periphery of what was considered ‘acceptable’. She was considered an oddity, useful but kept at a distance, to be stared at in wonder and curiosity, asked to change parts of herself for entertainment or for benefit. Most of the time she was at peace with that, but there were moments when she wished for changes that would bespeak of the swirls of yearning bouncing within the limits of her own body, trying to break out.

She understood intersection as a metamorphmagus capable of adjusting her body to what her consciousness was feeling, switching between versions of her own person to reflect whatever was happening inside, and as a bisexual person, attracted to her gender and others (even if she didn’t know what her own meant). Sometimes gender and orientation would mix and blur on their own, flowing to form a version of a person until it was all a big mash of pulses and hunches, indistinguishable from one another. These versions coming and going as a rendition of her true self, whatever that was on that particular day. Sometimes it was all even beyond Tonks, choosing to let it all surge and ripple over, with the hope that it’d make sense one day. 

It hadn’t yet, but Tonks was keen on the quest of understanding.

Their junctions weren’t comparable, but both understood how it felt to be constructed of different elements of your own self, and they sometimes helped each other understand better what the other lived.  
  
  
On that day, they were walking to a park nearby the restaurant they visited that day, with the intention of crossing it to get to a bookstore, when Hermione saw a small movie theater further up the street, and mentioned going inside to catch a movie. Tonks had been shocked and excited at the same time. Her mind flashed to that conversation three weeks ago, when they had joked about her foolish teenage fantasy, and although she would never admit it, her chest blazed with a spark of hope that something would happen. For a brief second, she saw herself in a small secluded corner of a dark movie theater, with her fingertips touching Hermione’s neck, and her lips skimming over reddening cheeks.

“I don’t know if the movie is good though,” Hermione’s voice thankfully broke through her rapidly spiraling train of thought. They had just reached the theater, and Tonks turned to look at the entrance doors, then back to her friend’s face. Hermione was looking at her with an expectant look on her face, waiting for her answer. “I just thought it could be fun.”

“Sure! I wouldn’t mind watching some action packed explosions.” She smiled, genuinely wanting to watch a movie with her friend. She really hoped her hair had remained the same soft purple color that she had been donning for a few days now (muggle London never batted an eye at extravagant looks, but she was trying out this new color), knowing she had a tendency to switch when she was relaxed and got excited.

With that worry in mind, she immediately squashed down her thoughts of kisses in the dark, reason overcoming her mind, but couldn’t help the rush of heat that started in her navel and went up to her face. This was Hermione, her friend; her very good friend, who had broken up with her boyfriend only months ago, who was (as far as she was aware) very straight, and who had been a comforting presence in her life after the chaos of the war. She turned her face away from Hermione, hoping the girl wouldn’t see her rosy cheeks.

As she moved towards the entrance of the theater, Hermione following half a step behind, Tonks continued with her list of reasons on why she shouldn’t even entertain the idea of anything happening. She was older than her, not by much but enough to make her pause; it probably wouldn’t faze a lot of people, but it did her. Hermione was incredibly gifted, but for all her experience in battle strategies and survival, she was twenty years old. Tonks had absolutely hated when Remus had been so adamant on punctuating age differences between them during the early stages of their courtship, but now Tonks was always cautious with people she met with non-platonic intent, understanding that age unwittingly conferred power, even if it stemmed from having the background of having messed up multiple times in the past.

Tonks didn’t like the idea of being the older person taking advantage of someone, guiding them through a path of discovery. All those predatory stereotypes resounding in her mind and putting her off. 

Besides, Hermione was straight.  
  
xxxx

It wasn’t like the thought had never crossed her mind, especially on those days when they wandered through parks. It could be so easy to get caught up in the idea that they were on a proper date, but most of the time the thought would fade away as fast as it came. They were friends, and Tonks liked being friends with Hermione. 

Hermione Granger had been identified by multiple accounts as the brains of the Golden Trio, she had been bestowed the label of the brightest witch of her age by many, and surviving the war lent credibility to all the testimonies of her brilliance. But she was not just book smart (which she absolutely was, able to devour book after book with the sole intent of understanding more of the world); Hermione had a sharpness, a lucidity, a fast precision to her thoughts, that was extraordinary to witness. Tonks thought it was a beautiful thing to attest to, making conversations greatly enjoyable, even if she was out of her depth most of the time, and couldn’t follow all of it. It wasn’t that Tonks was not bright on her own, but her learning was more geared towards a hands-on approach, needing to have a practical result to her academic understanding. So listening to Hermione talk about theory of magic and her latest research subjects was always an exercise for herself, a way to interpret the world through Hermione’s lens.

Hermione’s hunger for knowledge could only be matched to her strong need for equality, and when academia met civil rights, she would often speak passionately and get caught up in topics, wildly gesticulating trying to get points across. And Tonks was always genuinely interested, eager to grasp at Hermione’s words in an effort to string them together and feed her own awareness, striving to understand more and more. 

Tonks agreed with Hermione on a great deal of stances, they had fought on the same side of the war and she considered herself fairly liberal, but Hermione’s vision of the world never failed to leave her breathless in awe. The fierceness with which she spoke about magical creatures’ rights, about all the people who were still vulnerable and overlooked in both the magical and the muggle world - often stemming from her own personal experiences in these two realities - whom despite the victory of the war were static in their conditions; it’d leave Tonks’ body burning with conflicting emotions: outrage at the injustice of societies, agitation directed at her unawareness, and warm joy at being able to witness the barrage of thoughts from this clever woman, so often catalogued as ‘too fierce’.

It was impossible to stay neutral with her, Hermione’s heed for fairness would spring anyone into activity, ready to jump in head first into the action. Hermione would make no passive calls, she would _demand_ a better world, with you in on the agenda or not. It was more than enough to make Tonks’ head spin, intoxicated from the surge of constant emotions pumping through her, and yet, she would always look forward to their conversations. Tonks felt close to the burning flame, but she would edge nearer every single time.

Sometimes they would forego the restaurant, choosing to buy lunch to go and sit down on a bench somewhere with trees and people around, they’d do a quick Scourgify spell to clean up the seats, making sure no one saw them do magic. They would sit down, munch away, and talk about heavy and light things, depending on their moods and needs. The first time Hermione mentioned Malfoy Manor to her, her trembling voice was rough with emotion and she didn’t share much, but it was enough for Tonks to confirm that it had been bad. 

Her being an Auror during the fight had granted her a first row seat into horrible situations, and quite a few times she had been on the receiving end of violence. She knew about violence and torture, she made her choice when she went into training and joined the Order, but Hermione had been so young back then, she didn’t have much of a choice but to survive. And yet, there she was, nibbling on a kebab and looking very much alive, very much a survivor. 

It was in those times that Tonks would be overcome with admiration, a hot flush of affection rushing from her stomach to her extremities, and wonder about the source of the strength of this woman next to her. In those moments, she’d also entertain the thought of reaching out and kissing her cheek, of nuzzling her neck with her nose, of offering some comfort in a non platonic way, age difference be damned. But Tonks was sharp (after all she was a damn good Auror), and she had never seen any signs from her friend, no lingering looks, no hidden intention in her touches, and so Tonks would bury the impulse of her tingling lips and go back to being happy with being friends.

Instead of those fluttering kisses, she had only moved her hand, and covered Hermione’s hand that was resting on her left thigh, squeezing her fingers. Hermione turned to look at her, with watery eyes and a slight crease in her brow.

“It won’t ever go away fully, all these feelings, but they will feel less shit someday.” Hermione blinked, breathed, and squeezed her hand back.

“Thank you.” A few seconds later they realized Tonks’ fingers were greasy and covered in white sauce. It was enough to break out the tension of the topic, with Hermione laughing and scrunching up her nose, and Tonks apologizing for not thinking about her offer of comfort with food covered fingers. In those moments, with Hermione’s laughter filling her ears, Tonks felt like she was lucky enough as things were, and that nothing needed to change. The war had taken many things from them, but in this moment Tonks had enough.  
  
xxxx

They walked inside the theater and went to stand near the counter where they could see what movies were being screened. There were not a lot of people around, which wasn’t very odd, considering it was early afternoon.

They went through the motions, bought the tickets for a random movie they decided on after short deliberation, and got some snacks. As they walked to the function door, Tonks started feeling restless again. For some time now, Tonks had let herself relax around Hermione, allowing her body morph as it wished behind closed doors, but she was usually conscious enough to not shift when in the muggle world. At this moment, she worried about her hair giving away her nervousness, so she took a deep breath and concentrated on having a tight hold on her shifts. 

Even with the list of reasons running through her head, Tonks still felt an excited (and terrified) knot in her stomach, and by the time they reached the door for the movie she was lightheaded. Since Tonks was carrying their snacks, Hermione opened the door and they walked inside the dark room. Tonks looked at the carpeted floor to keep from tripping, and as they reached the stairs, felt another type of panic make its way to her head.

“Hermione, if you want the popcorn to survive, you’re going to have to grab my arm and lead me up like the menace that I am,” Tonks said cheekily, she had never been embarrassed of her clumsiness, but it was hard not to feel silly going up the neon illuminated path very slowly, with a laughing Hermione guiding her up the steps.

When they finally reached the top, Hermione chose the third row down from the back, and went to sit down. Tonks was both extremely relieved and disappointed to notice a few more people in the room, although they were scattered, and seemed to be focused on making out or talking to each other, Tonks averted her eyes. They made themselves comfortable and turned to watch the previews, making comments about what they saw on the screen.

“Oh! That looks like an interesting movie!” said Hermione after the preview for a period movie ended, “we have to watch that one when it comes out!”

Tonks turned to Hermione with her eyebrows shooting up her face, it took her a second, but she then smiled at the girl next to her and said “I’d love to. Oooh, put it on the list!”

“What list is this?”

“A new one for movies to watch, might as well start one now! It can be an accompaniment piece to the restaurants and bookstores in the area list you keep.” Hermione furrowed her brow and turned to her, opening her mouth to protest, but Tonks continued before she had a chance, “Don’t try to pretend you don’t have a parchment with the names of the places we go to, organized by area and type of food, probably. I’m sure you even grade them, you know, for efficiency reasons!”

“I like lists! It’s extremely useful to have catalogs!”

The movie started, and Tonks turned around to give Hermione a big, amused smile, “I know, I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I’d like to watch that movie with you, but for now–” and she pointed at the screen.

Nothing happened during the movie, and Tonks was again relieved, but the faint disappointment never seemed to fully go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is written already, but I want to post it once Ch4 is complete. Gotta find workarounds with my low-on-serotonin ADHD brain.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome :)  
> Thanks again, stay safe!


	3. Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not making any money out of this, I am doing this for fun and healing purposes. I am just borrowing the characters and reinterpreting them without churning any profits.
> 
> Hermione being black has always been my headcanon. I am not black, but I am POC; I tried to explore this respectfully, I hope I managed to do so.
> 
> Thanks!

The next time they went out, they also went to catch a movie, although it hadn’t been planned. It had been a stressful week for both of them, very busy and demanding, so they decided to have a treat and chose to go to a nicer than their average Thai restaurant. They had shared a big bowl of Tom Yum and some green curry, and spent the whole meal commiserating over the hurdles of their grown up lives, and the bureaucratic side of the world post-war. By the time they were done eating, a pleasant feeling fell over them, their tummies full and their minds more at peace after venting.

They walked to a nearby square with gardens, and they went along the path avoiding afternoon joggers, not really saying much, engulfed in a comfortable silence, too content with the haziness that came to them after a good meal.

Hermione was the first to break the quiet. “So, here’s a thought, there’s a movie theater like two blocks away from the corner,” Tonks was confused for half a second, wondering if she had missed the theater in their previous visit to the park. She turned to look at Hermione with a questioning look, intent on asking for more details, when Hermione continued. “I know because I used to visit family in the area during the holidays. Fancy another movie before the day ends?”

Tonks couldn’t help the questions that came to her head, Hermione didn’t mention her family much. Even after all the effort that she was putting into reconnecting with her muggle upbringing, she seldom talked about anything before Hogwarts. Tonks knew what had happened, or rather that _something_ had happened, at least from what she could puzzle together from Hermione’s silence and the code words from other Order members, but never asked for fear of causing her friend pain.

She decided to take the trust declaration, and give Hermione some leeway. She would share if she was ready.

“I’d love to, lead the way!” Tonks said loudly, doing an exaggerated wave of her hand, pointing in the direction of where she thought the theater would be.

“It’s the other way, though,” said a smiling Hermione, closely followed by a chuckling Tonks.

Tonks wanted to ask more, but she also felt that Hermione mentioning her family was a good sign. She would tell her whenever she wanted to. She’d be all ears when and if that happened. _‘I could quite literally have 6 ears’_ Tonks thought to herself, amused.

As they reached the movie theater, she wondered how many times Hermione had visited this place when she was a kid, accompanied by laughing cousins and her parents. Tonks had never seen pictures of her friend as a kid, and was suddenly tremendously intrigued, as she pictured a younger Hermione going to the movies with other kids who resembled her, their heads all covered in brown curly hair, and scraped knees that children would often sport as badges. Tonks wondered if Hermione had always been so serious and studious, or if she had grown into it due to an earnestness to learn everything from the magical world.

As they went through the motions of getting their tickets and sitting down inside the theater, she wondered if Hermione had talked to someone about whatever had happened with her parents, if there was someone who could share her secrets, so they didn’t have to weigh so heavily on her.

And so the second movie was a comedy, they laughed and snorted at the ridiculousness on the screen. Sometimes their hands would brush when reaching for the popcorn, but it wouldn’t be long before Tonks would try to battle against Hermione’s hand for the victory over the cup, until Hermione’s hand would sneak past hers in triumph. They made a mess on the floor each time, but they made sure to clean it up with a flick of their wands before the lights came on.

  
xxxx  


The third time was a drama, a foreign film with subtitles. They had had a good meal at a Japanese restaurant, and Hermione mentioned wanting to visit the bookstore nearby. The weather was nice and both of them enjoyed walking the distance to the place, crossing streets and taking in their surroundings. They had been in that area only a few times before, and hadn’t had enough time to explore.

When they neared the shops’ strip, Tonks pointed to a movie theater up ahead.

“Look, movies! Merlin, I am surprised there are so many cinemas everywhere!” Tonks turned to look at Hermione as they walked, still in the direction of the bookstore. “Either they sensed our inclination to start delving into art and started popping everywhere, or I’m terribly clueless.”

Hermione gave a delighted smile, and opened up her mouth but was immediately cut off by her friend, who raised her hand up in a stopping motion.

“Don’t you dare reply.” Tonks wagged her index finger at Hermione with an amused smile. “I’ll keep my theory of this being an undercover magical neighborhood that detects needs and exploits them.”

“Okay, so how do you explain that X-rated shop over there then?”

Tonks’ face broke into a huge cheeky grin. “Magic is wise, Hermione, I wouldn’t dare to question it. It’s probably reading into the zero flings in my life at the moment, and giving me a sign.”

“You’re incorrigible!”

“Hello? It could be reading into yours too, you know?”

  
xxxx  


In the end, Hermione decided to buy a book on muggle theory for alternative medicine, and Tonks didn’t question when Hermione hastily put it away in her bag. Since the purchase was done fairly quickly, they both agreed again to catch a film; it seemed to be an unspoken agreement by now.

And that’s how they found themselves in the foyer of the theater, with Tonks looking at the cartels, trying to decide which one appealed to her more. She decided on one purely based on the aesthetic of it; it looked serious and artsy, and thought that Hermione would appreciate it.

It turned out to be a French drama that revolved around family, and overcoming emotional hurdles between them.

Tonks realized she had made a mistake in her selection twenty five minutes into the movie. The film itself wasn’t very detailed in the dialogues, but true to the French, artsy nature of the film, it evoked feelings easily and it was difficult to not be swept under the burst of sensations on screen. Tonks was feeling them herself, but it wasn’t until she noticed Hermione fidgeting from the corner of her eye that she had the dawning realisation that the film might hit too close to home for her friend.

After a few more scenes, the restlessness stopped, but soft noises made their way to Tonks’ ears. There were soft sniffles coming from her side, and Tonks was momentarily torn: should she acknowledge it and comfort her friend, or did Hermione need privacy and preferred she didn’t do anything, not wanting to bring attention to her vulnerable moment?

She settled for a compromise: settling down the popcorn bucket on the empty seat next to her, Tonks reached out with her hand and grabbed Hermione’s wrist gently, allowing her friend the option of moving her hand away if she so chose.

Hermione’s skin was warm to the touch, her pulse erratic on Tonk’s fingertips; a few seconds passed, and Tonks could see from the corner of her eye Hermione wiping silent tears from her face with her free hand. Tonks was moments away from retracting her hand, having laid it on top of Hermione’s limp wrist, but then Hermione moved her palm up and down a bit, and clasped Tonks’ hand, interlacing their fingers. Tonks clasped her hand, her thumb making slow side to side motions on Hermione’s skin.

Hermione didn’t turn around to face her during the whole movie, sometimes she’d unclasp their hands throughout the rest of the film as she rearranged herself on her seat; every time Tonks would leave her hand on the armrest, careful to let the decision of comfort up to Hermione. And everytime Hermione unclasped her hand and moved around in her seat, she would reach out again, her hand seeking Tonks'.

The people on the screen danced to a choreography of emotional tribulation until finally, after what felt like a long time, the credits rolled up. The ending had been bittersweet, and Tonks felt a pang of sadness, thinking of her friend’s distress, idly wondering if a happy ending would’ve been more painful for Hermione, or if both possibilities would irremediably unsheathe the grief that she carried inside, powerless to avoid it.

The dim lights of the room came on, not bright enough to leave the audience blinking trying to adjust their eyes, but enough to perceive the exit of the room. Both of them slowly rose up, unclasping their hands with the movement, and followed the rest of the scarce people out into the hallways of the building.

Once on the hallway, they walked in silence, still following the crowd. Tonks was the first to break under the strain of the silence.

“Hermione, I– I’m sorry.” Tonks sighed, her eyes weary and regretful. “I didn’t know what the movie was about.”

“It’s okay. I just need a moment.” Hermione drew in a shaky breath, and pointed with her head to the loo nearby, muttering a quiet, “I’ll be right back.”

As Hermione went inside the bathroom, Tonks stood waiting, near the door outside.  
Hermione was gone for around fifteen minutes, and Tonks entertained herself by looking at the other movies’ cartels lined up in the hallway, silently trying to determine which ones were emotional dramas just by looking at the picture. It was hard to gauge them correctly without the picture moving, giving her a clue.

Once Hermione came out of the bathroom, she looked around for Tonks and located her staring intensely at a ‘Coming Soon’ poster of a movie. Hermione came to stand next to Tonks and touched her elbow gently.

“Sorry, I think a few movies ended at the same time, because I had to wait for my turn.”

“No problem, I was just looking around.” Tonks paused. “Do you want some tea or coffee? I know there is a shop close by.”

“Honestly, I think I’d like something stronger than tea.”

“Alright, we could go somewhere else, I’m sure there are bars around where we can get a pint.”

Hermione shook her head.

“Could we apparate to your flat? I don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to visit a bar.”

Tonks didn’t hesitate to reply. “Yes, of course.”

They turned around and started walking towards the exit, Tonks already thinking of the perfect secluded spot to disapparate from that she had seen earlier just down the road, next to a bakery.

“I’m being rude, I’m sorry. I’d offer my flat but...” Hermione sighed loudly, “I don’t think I can go back and stare at the pictures there, _their_ pictures.”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain, my flat is always welcome to you.” Hermione nodded, and gave her a tiny grateful smile. “I saw a good spot earlier down the road, let’s apparate back from there, I’m sure I still have something stronger than tea.”

  
xxxx  


They sidealong apparated to the designated spot for it in Tonks’ building. People were welcome to apparate directly into their own flats, but participating in a war with Alastor Moody as mentor, and still being an active Auror, made Tonks inherit a caution that could sometimes be inconvenient. It was hard to let go of the techniques that had saved her life on multiple occasions, and Tonks suspected that the threat-detection waves of her wand she’d often perform when arriving at a place had become as natural to her as breathing, and wouldn’t go anywhere in the near future.

As it were, they climbed up the stairs in the direction of the flat until they reached the door, where Tonks lowered her wards, allowing Hermione to go inside as she locked up again.

Hermione had been in her flat on a number of occasions before, so Tonks removed her shoes and put on her slippers, knowing Hermione would do the same with her designated pair, and busied herself by going into the kitchen and finding glasses, a bottle of firewhisky for herself, and one of wine for Hermione.

The both settled in their usual spots, Hermione on the individual couch, and Tonks on the bigger one. 

“I brought out firewhiskey too, in case you want something stronger.”

Hermione thanked Tonks but declined, moving to grab the bottle of wine and pouring herself a bit. When she put it down on the coffee table she gave a snort. At Tonks’ questioning glance, she shook her head.

“It’s French wine, of course.”

Tonks gave her a lopsided grin, and poured her own glass of firewhiskey. She took a sip of her glass, and waited for a few seconds.

“Hermione, we don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about, okay?”

“Thank you, I really appreciate that.” Hermione enunciated slowly, her eyes trained down on the glass in her hands. “But after today’s movie, I feel like I need to at least acknowledge it. How much do you know?”

“I– not much, I really don’t know what happened–”

“But you know something happened.”

“Well... yes. I don’t know any details, and I didn’t want to pry, so I never asked. I’m sorry about the movie.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known.” Hermione put her glass down on the table and rubbed her eyes with her fists, and then flattened the heels against her eye sockets, as if feeling a headache coming and wanting to keep it at bay with the pressure. “I was caught off guard, hence my strong reaction. I was expecting torrid French affairs, not... familial turmoil.”

“The French _are_ very intense, aren’t they?”

“I’ll tell Fleur you said that next time we meet at the Burrow. I’m sure she’d be very offended, even if she secretly agrees with you.”

There was a lull in the conversation, but it didn’t feel as charged as before. Hermione grabbed her glass again, and sunk into the back of the couch, suddenly looking very young and very tired.

“Right before we left on our Horcruxes hunt, I went back home to my parents. It feels like so long ago, and I still find it so hard to even say out loud.” Hermione took a big gulp of the wine, as if preparing for what was coming next. “I cast a memory charm on them.”

Even though Hermione’s gaze was fixed down, Tonks was very careful to school her features. She _was_ surprised, but she didn’t want Hermione to think she was being judgy, but she couldn’t really cover her intake of breath. Luckily Hermione either didn’t notice or chose to not comment on it.

“A memory charm with a twist. I used a few sets of runes to augment potency and make the necessary variations, giving them the motivation to leave the country. It wasn’t supposed to wipe their memories completely, just a select few.”

“Anything involving you?” Tonks asked in a quiet voice, not wanting to startle Hermione.

“Yes. Anything that related to me and the magical world, anything that would put them at risk. They couldn’t stay in England either, because memories or not, they would be a target for Death Eaters. So I also created fake muggle passports and work visas, it was a good thing they’re dentists so it was easy for them to relocate and work. I gave them a push with the alterations so they’d leave for Australia, and they ended up living near Melbourne.”

“Not so terrible weather at least.”

“Yeah, they also built a love for coffee.” Hermione gave a soft chuckle, that morphed into a pained one.

“It was a big mess. I had to take into account my extended family, and we’re not– we don’t see each other that often, because of family drama and whatnot, but they would ring my parents every once in a while to check in on each other. I had to create a protection around that too.”

“Every single person involved in the war took great measures to try and keep their loved ones safe. There is nothing wrong in that.”

Hermione grimaced, and Tonks felt that she had said the wrong thing.

“I didn’t think of them much when we were on the run.” Hermione spoke very quietly, as if afraid of voicing her words. “I couldn’t. I had a couple of moments while camping that I allowed myself a thought, but it was too painful, too overwhelming. So I– I just shut it down.”

“Survival was on the forefront of your mind, Hermione. You needed to do what was necessary to stay alive.”

“I know, rationally I know. It tainted the relationship we had, but it was the best option back then. Knowing this doesn’t ease the waves of guilt, though.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to survive, I thought I was going to die, and I just wanted them to be safe.”

A small, throaty sound helplessly escaped Tonks’ mouth at the mention of this woman dying. The idea irremediably painful inside her chest.

“Hermione, you were terrified, you wanted them to be safe. We both _know_ that had they stayed in England, they would’ve been used against you.”

Hermione nodded absentmindedly for a few seconds. “I know. I’m better now, I am coping.”

A few silent tears escaped the corners of Hermione’s eyes, and Tonks was once again torn between moving closer and offering some comfort, or giving this woman her space. Before she could even make up her mind, Hermione brushed the tears away with her hands and continued talking.

“I lied. I told everyone I was able to reverse it, but it just– It didn’t even cross my mind, I was so desperate to get them to safety that I didn’t even plan the recovery properly.” Hermione gave a teary chuckle, and Tonks waved her hand making a box of tissues appear in front of Hermione, who leaned over thanking her, and took a few to clean herself up. “It’s so embarrassing, everyone thinks I’m this genius, this person who always has all the answers. The expectations are so high, and yet I was the one who single handedly destroyed my parents’ brain.”

“ _Fuck_. I’m sorry.”

Hermione closed her eyes, and shook her head, her face scrunched up in a pained expression. She breathed in and out slowly, willing herself to calm down.

“After the war was over, I couldn’t deal. I couldn’t just go back to how life had been, not after everything we went through, not after… Not after being captured, and not after what I did to my parents.

Had I… Had I died in the battle, they would have remained in Australia. A false life maybe, but a life nonetheless. I debated with myself for so many nights if I was being selfish by bringing them back, especially when I wasn’t sure if it would even work.

But they’re my parents, I love them, I missed them so much. I just felt so guilty.”

At the last word Hermione couldn’t help it any longer, and a pained cry came out unbidden from her mouth. Her whole body trembled with the force of her sobs, and Tonks’ instincts kicked in, propelling her forwards to the smaller couch, and enveloping Hermione in a hug. The angle was awkward, Tonks was perched on the arm of the couch and was leaning down, her arms around the crying girl, her hands rubbing soft circles on her back. Hermione’s hand grabbed at Tonks’ clothed arms, clinging to her with desperation and burrowing her face into her neck. She let her cry, getting it all out, feeling her own heart squeeze in pain over Hermione’s heartbreak.

After what felt like hours, but had probably been minutes, Hermione calmed down, and both of them moved back. Hermione flushed in embarrassment at having lost her control, and averted her gaze. Tonks noticed her reddening cheeks and downcast eyes, both from the force of her crying and her vulnerability, and cupped her cheeks gently. “It’s okay, cry all you need.” She then moved back to the other couch, closer to Hermione than previously, wanting to give her friend space to collect herself, but close enough to reach out if needed.

“I spent a full year researching and desperately trying to get them back. I managed to find a way to reverse it, but it wasn’t fully effective.”

Hermione paused, and Tonks could see that she was biting the tip of her tongue with, as if willing it to move and continue talking.

“Sometimes they forget things, there are side effects that I didn’t anticipate in my haste. That’s what I was doing helping out at the Ministry in the years after the fight. I never really elaborated on my occupations, because… I was mostly learning and researching, but I was using the resources of the Magical Accidents Department. They conceded me some leeway because of the war, allowing me to learn and investigate without asking too many questions. But…

I don’t know what else to do, I’ve exhausted all my resources.”

Hermione moved to grab her glass again, and drank a heartily, finishing the liquid. Tonks reached out and refilled her wine glass again.

“I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this before but my mum’s from Bristol and my dad’s from the city. My mom’s side is a mixture,” Hermione waved her hand around. “her family has lived in Bristol for many generations, but we still have extended family in Marrakesh. My dad’s father emigrated from Jamaica when he was younger, and made a good life here.

My dad... he used to speak Patois. He wasn’t fluent, but could understand my grandpa. After what I did, he lost the majority of it.” Hermione heaved a shaky sigh. She continued, her quiet voice scratchy from the exertion of her emotions; she was hunched over, curled in on herself, as if trying to make herself smaller. “I took that away from him, I snatched such a personal connection to his family, and decimated it.” Her face was scrunched up in anguish, she closed her eyes and willed herself to not start crying again.

Hermione looked up and finally made eye contact with Tonks, her eyes full of self-reproach.

“They have been so understanding, they should despise me and what I did to them, but all they show me is affection, I don’t deserve it.” Hermione looked down again, her face full of confusion and disbelief. “They said they raised me to be strong and smart, and to them I did what they would’ve done in my position and with what I knew. This is not the first time they have faced situations where their safety is compromised just because of who they are. So they… didn’t like it, but they understood.

They started going to muggle therapy, some cognitive rehabilitation. I’ve gone with them to a few sessions, and it’s so hard to watch them unnecessarily struggle because of something I did.”

“What do they do in these sessions?” Tonks asked genuinely puzzled over muggle therapy.

“They mostly do muggle cognitive exercises, things that might help them work their brains’ plasticity, and help them overcome the trauma. But…”

“But this was a magical trauma.”

Hermione nodded and looked down, staying silent while cradling her wine in front of her, making slow swirling motions with her wrist. “Do they know?”

Hermione paused the swirling motion and remained completely immobile, as if thinking things through.

“I haven’t built up the nerve to tell them. To be honest, I don’t think I can tell them, it wouldn’t make a difference.”

They went quiet for a few minutes, Tonks trying to process everything that had been spoken. She had known back then that something big had happened, but they hadn’t been that close at that point in time. 

Wars had a way of allying people together, entrusting someone with your life unequivocally created unmatched loyalty, so Tonks would've dropped everything to help Hermione in any way, but she hadn’t been privy to the hurricane of agitation happening inside her body. She had been so caught up in her own events with Remus and her family; the elation of survival, the relief of what seemed to be a second chance for her relationship, and her mother’s quiet, convoluted mourning for a family that, although she didn’t want back, she once had loved. It had been so easy to overlook anything else outside of that.

“Shit, I can’t think of anything useful to say, I don’t think anything I say would help.” Hermione gave her a tired smile.

“Thank you… for acknowledging that. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but everyone around me, Harry, Ron, Ginny, everyone keeps trying to find ways to cheer me up. And this is just one of those things, you know?” Hermione breathed in deeply, feeling calmer. “It’s one of those things that can’t get better, it just has to lose its edge over time.”

“I had no idea. I knew something had happened, but didn’t dimension it.” Tonks had barely touched her glass of firewhiskey, but now downed it in one go. “Look Hermione, you’re already aware that my missions are usually undercover ones, so I’ve been around different places, even outside of Europe. The things we faced during the war, the people we fought, they’re the sort that exist across the spectrum of languages and cultures, and they don’t hesitate to use whatever means necessary.

It’d be presumptuous and pointless to say that there was another way. You did what you could with what you knew back then. You saved them, it might not feel like it at times, but you made sure they had another chance at life.”

Hermione’s bottom lip trembled, and she scrunched up her face in despair. She breathed forcefully and laughed.

“I’m sorry, this is not how I envisioned this afternoon going.”

“Never apologize for sharing. Thank you for telling me.” Tonks said with as much sincerity as she could. “Next time you’re choosing the movie though.”

They both laughed, relieved to break away from the tension that had formed. Tonks was happy to note that Hermione seemed like she was a bit lighter, but it could’ve been a personal appreciation. Tonks felt like maybe some snacks would be welcome now, and it would allow Hermione the time to recuperate from the very emotional afternoon, if she so needed. Tonks went to the kitchen, and Hermione went to wash up a little bit.

By the time Hermione came back Tonks had gotten an idea, and wanted to check with Hermione if she was willing to look into it. They settled back into their previous spots in the living room, as Tonks laid out the snacks on the coffee table.

“So, I had an idea, I definitely don’t have the training or the knowledge to even offer anything, but… My mother had some trouble coping with the aftermath of the war, if I’m honest, she had difficulties even before that, but she only started seeing someone about them until everything was done.

I know that the magical world is behind the muggle world in terms of mental health, but there are people who are trying hard to breach the gap.”

Hermione had grabbed a few snacks and was nibbling on them slowly. “Like magical therapy?”

“Yes. I know there is a small association of magical therapists that mix the magical discipline with the muggle one.”

“Okay, you want me to go to a therapy session with them?” asked a confused Hermione, with a crease in her brow.

“No no, sorry, I should’ve started there.” Tonks replied shaking her head, and went to pour herself a bit more firewhiskey as she tried to ease Hermione’s worries. “My mom has been going to sessions, but I know that some of them specialize in different things, just like regular muggle doctors. From what I remember from the conversations with my mother, a good number of them are Healers who then specialized in a muggle method. I wanted to check with you if it was okay for me to ask around, to see if one of these therapists has any experience with magical head trauma or memory charms.”

Hermione blinked rapidly, and opened her mouth to respond but didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“How come I hadn’t heard of them? I never saw any records of them while I was researching in the department.” She finally asked.

“Almost all of them are muggle-borns, which is why their practice is not so… well known, traditionalist purebloods tend to steer away from anything muggle related. And I think they’re only now trying to formally organize themselves, but I assume that it’s been a bit of an uphill struggle. With everything that’s happened in the last decade, I would think everyone would be jumping on board with this. My family only found out because one of the therapists went to Hogwarts with them.

I wouldn’t need to disclose anything, no details, just enough to gauge if someone has any experience with magical trauma rehabilitation and healing therapy. It might not change much, but like you said, you’ve tried almost everything.”

They both went quiet.

“Okay. Okay, yes, I’d like that very much.”

“Excellent, I’ll send a note through the floo tomorrow first thing. I’ll get you the info as soon as possible, I promise.”

“Wow, okay. Sorry, I just– it’s been a lot and I wasn’t expecting this therapy bit.” Hermione said while rubbing her forehead absentmindedly with her hand. Tonks saw the movement and made a decision then.

“Hey, it’s been a very intense day, I think. Why don’t you stay over? Do you have anything to tend to tomorrow?”

Hermione took a deep breath through her mouth, and looked at Tonks, before slumping her shoulders in exhaustion.

“No, I was going to do research with the alternative medicine book I bought earlier, but that was it.”

“Stay, and if you want to you can do your research here tomorrow. You can leave whenever you want too, up to you.” Tonks didn’t want to pressure her friend, but she could see the fatigue in her eyes and knew that she was moments away from feeling the crash of the burning roller-coaster of the day.

“Thank you.”

“C’mon on, let me walk you to the room, I don’t remember if it’s messy.”

The moment Hermione stood up, she realized she was more tired than she thought, the adrenaline of the conversation wearing out, and was very thankful to Tonks for not having to apparate back to her own flat.

When they reached the door, Tonks went inside and evaluated the room, quickly casting a few cleaning charms with her wand and an inconspicuous smile. “I don’t use this room much, as you can see.”

Hermione went to sit on the bed as Tonks left the room hastily, and came back 20 seconds later with some of her pajamas in her hands.

“Here, these are just some clothes that I use as pajamas sometimes.” Tonks was standing in front of Hermione, and gave them to her. “You can transfigure them in case they don’t fit, but you’re smaller than I am, so I think you should be okay. I’ll be next door if you need anything, but you know this flat as if it were yours, feel free to roam about.”

Hermione nodded and put the clothes on the bed next to her; Tonks turned around with the intention of walking to the door, interpreting Hermione’s silent demeanor as tiredness, but felt a hand on her wrist that stopped her.

“Hey Tonks?”

“Yeah?”

Hermione stood up in front of her, and Tonks suddenly had arms circling her waist, along with a mouthful of brown, coiled hair.

“Thank you.” Hermione’s forehead rested against her shoulder, face tucked in towards Tonks’ neck, and hands fisting her clothes tightly on the back. She didn’t reply at first, only raised her arms and put them around Hermione’s neck, bringing her closer, encircling her shoulders, her cheek on top of her head. Tonks could feel Hermione’s hot exhalations against her shirt, and it made her pull the woman closer. They stood in the embrace for minutes, listening to each other’s breathing, until Hermione yawned, and Tonks moved back.

“Anytime, love. Have a good rest.”

Tonks walked out of the room, closing the door softly, hoping Hermione could find some peace during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole story's outline is done, so I know exactly where this is going.
> 
> The intention of the story is still romantic and (gender) exploratory, I will get there in time, but I've always liked the build-up, both in stories and real life, so bear with me.


	4. Every third step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to say that the inaccuracies in this story are deliberate and serve a purpose, but the reality is that all mistakes are mine and I completely forgot that Ted Tonks (Sr) died in DH. Oh well, everyone lives!
> 
> Not profiting off of this, just enjoying the ride, penniless.
> 
> tw: vague dysphoria description

Tonks had sent a note through the floo the very next day of the conversation, as soon as she had woken up. It was a simple piece of parchment asking if it was okay for her to drop by later in the day. Tonks knew she was always welcome at her parents’ home, but just like the rest of the country, the peace of the war had allowed them to rekindle old hobbies and interests. They would sometimes go out during the weekends, specially on Sundays, and attend classes or simply apparate somewhere that they hadn’t had a chance to visit before. 

The first year after it all had ended, her mother had taken it quite badly, having to deal with the onslaught of confusing emotions coursing through her. They had won the safety of many people who had been targeted (her immediate family’s safety included, husband and child), but among the brutal hunt for this shield, the cost had included the demise of the sisters she grew up with; their ending a stark reminder of the life she had when growing up, and the possible outcome for herself had her life not taken the route it had.

Her mother had always been open with Tonks about her past, about the Black family, about her sisters and how she had chosen a different course than them. Andromeda Tonks had fallen in love with someone her pureblood family didn’t agree with, yes, but in doing so, it shifted her world and made her question everything that she had once known to be true, until one day she couldn’t make sense of it anymore.

She had been honest about the way she was raised, in an attempt to hold herself accountable with her child, to make sure that she never repeated the patterns, that Tonks knew that there were alternatives to blind hate, and that sometimes taking a stance was hard but necessary, even against your own family. She had wanted Tonks to be safe and loved, but mostly she wanted Tonks to be fiercely unapologetic about where she came from. She wanted her to live free of the burden of familial expectations, free of the nagging feeling of betrayal and guilt for standing up for what she knew was right.

Honesty about where they came from seemed necessary, no matter how painful it could be sometimes. Andromeda Tonks wanted her atonement to end with her, at all costs.

Over the course of her life, she had had time to come to terms with the estrangement from her family, but in the epilogue of the war, the final repercussions of death had taken a toll and Andromeda Tonks had found it hard to reconcile all of her emotions. Tonks’ father, always the caring one and still completely smitten with his wife (much to Tonks’ amused revulsion whenever they’d display that love in front of her when growing up), had tried so hard to pull her out of her despondence, but it reached a point that he knew was beyond his help.

Ted Tonks was many things, but overall he was furiously loyal to the people he loved, Hufflepuff trait or not; it had pained him to watch his wife grieve in silence, overwhelmed by swirling thoughts, and spiraling further down each passing day. So being a muggle born, he started looking around for muggle therapists, thinking that at its core, his wife’s struggles went beyond magic. It had been difficult to find a good match, and he almost gave up; his wife didn’t like the idea of telling her thoughts to a complete stranger, some of her old-fashioned upbringing rearing its head back for a second, making her feel ashamed for needing help, specially when she felt she wasn’t entitled to mourn the family that had destroyed the lives of so many other people.

After more insistence and prodding from him, she had finally agreed to attend a session, but how could someone help, when half of her story was intertwined with her upbringing, her magic, her ancestry? Thus, when the dejection started covering their marriage like a black cloud full of torrential water, soaking everything in its way, Ted Tonks almost at wits’ ends, had reached out to an old Hogwarts friend, hoping for some guidance. In that guidance, his old mate from school had provided the respite he had been seeking out.

It had been difficult, but eventually Tonks’ parents had found themselves slowly, but steadily recuperating, finally closing the wounds that had been opened and festered for years.

The note had included the possibility to meet up throughout the week if they were out or unavailable. Tonks wanted to help Hermione, but she also wanted to respect the time and process of her own parents. After so much pain, who was Tonks to intrude on the happiness and solace of their healing, one weekend at a time? 

x

Hermione woke up to a pajama clad Tonks making a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs with veggies, toast and tea. Tonks knew that she wasn’t the best cook, but her line of work sometimes required her to maintain a low profile and stay put inside flats and hotels for a while, so she had learned to cook a few things to survive. She would never win any prizes, but it was enough to get by without many complaints or poisonings.

After breakfast, they had settled in the same couches as the day before. Hermione with her new book, and Tonks with some documents from a work project that she wanted to catch up on. She wasn’t one to bring work home in general, but she also didn’t feel like reading or doing anything else. Hermione’s quiet company felt pleasant, the small movements and scribbles she made as she got engrossed in her book gave Tonks the focus and energy to be productive too.

At some point Tonks had gotten tired of the couch and had sat on the floor, leaning over the low table to pour over her papers. Hours flew by, and before they knew it their stomachs loudly announced the arrival of lunch time, snapping both of them out of the intent focus they had been in, leafing through pages and pages of information, notes from both of them strewn around in the coffee table. They decided on ordering something through the floo to the deli nearby, and Hermione insisted on paying for it this time, claiming that it was the least she could do after staying over.

When their delivery arrived, Tonks went downstairs to get the food and paid with the money Hermione insistently forced into her hand, much to Tonks’ protests. Tonks knew it to be futile to argue back, so she just decided that next time she’d pay for whatever they ate. By the time Tonks was back in the flat carrying a paper bag with their lunch inside, Hermione had gathered up their notes, books and scrolls and set them aside on Tonks’ desk into separate piles. They had spent time together in her flat in the past, but there was something in the easy domesticity of Hermione clearing the coffee table for lunch, careful not to disturb Tonks’ notes and documents much, that caused a warm fluttering in her belly. 

They settled on the coffee table, and ate in companionable silence. Hermione started nibbling on the chips she had, leaving her sub for last, when she broke the silence. “So what are you working on? It must be pretty important for you to be reviewing it on a weekend.”

Tonks was caught in the middle of a bite, and so she had to chew for a bit before she could reply. “Sorry, that was a big bite.” Tonks said sheepishly, and bent from her place on the floor to grab a napkin from the pile in the middle of the table, moving back and wiping her mouth and fingers. “It’s the post war magical-muggleborn coalition deal I mentioned before, remember?

Last week Fen Firewheel – Magical Affairs coordinator, on the third floor in HQ. I’m sure you’ve seen her, her desk is utter chaos and she always wears a scarf – she pitched the whole thing to the board of Magical Projects Committee. It was such a big success that now the International Magical Cooperation department wants in on it.” Tonks stopped and took a smaller bite of her sub, bending forward and stealing a chip from a frowning Hermione, who swatted at her hand but was too slow to stop the theft.

Tonks gave her friend a big grin, and carried on as if nothing had happened, popping the chip into her mouth much to Hermione’s (amused) annoyance.

“Apparently other countries’ Ministries want to work with ours, to curve their own waves of genocidal, maniacal wankers. Not that we’re the best example, mind you,” Tonks waved her hand in a dismissive way. “the ministry still has a long way to go, but from what I know, we’ve made more progress than a lot of places when it comes to integration with muggle culture. The proposal is to plan and strategize with representatives from a pilot country. And depending on how that goes, we move forward.”

“Wow, that sounds amazing. Who would be involved in this?”

“Not a lot of people yet, Fen is working with the board and Spildoff, figuring out the next steps for the International part. Come to think of it, I’m sure they will ask for you to be a part of it eventually.”

“Wait,” Hermione said in the middle of a bite, trying to cover her mouth with her hand as she uttered the word. “Is that the Spildoff down at the left wing? Dwayne Spildoff?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows raised.

“Yes, the one and only. He’s the appointed project chief.”

“Oh blimey, I think I’m going to have to join in at some point.” Hermione didn’t sound very enthused about it. At Tonks’ raised eyebrow, she continued. “He approached me some weeks back while I was in the building, told me about a vague project based on diversity, cooperation and the Ministry’s new philosophy of equality and new beginnings. It all sounded like political hogwash to me, and he made me sound like a quota, so I just shrugged him off and told him to let me know when there was an actual agenda that he could share.”

Tonks snorted loudly in the middle of taking a gulp of water, and promptly started coughing and wheezing in the middle of her laughter. 

Once her coughing fit was over, Tonks croaked out, “Ah, the advantages of you technically not working for the Ministry, you can tell them to sod off openly.”

“I hardly doubt you mince your words with your Ministry colleagues.”

Tonks hmm’d, blotchy red spots still on her face from her coughing. “Point taken, I don’t. Well, _now_ there is an agenda in place, so if Spildoff doesn’t ask you again, Shacklebolt most definitely will.”

Hermione groaned noncommittally and asked, “We’ll see. What will you be doing?”

“I’ll be the representative for the Auror Department, bringing my war wisdom to the table.”

“Tonks! Why didn’t you say this before?! That’s great!”

“It’s alright, maybe I’ll get to travel to a nice beach for a bit.” Tonks shrugged her shoulders, trying to appear undisturbed, but her cheeks were tinged pink; she was excited about the project, and it felt good to be involved in something that could help on a larger scale. “For the record, quota or not, I think it’d be brilliant if you participated.”

Hermione smiled, promising Tonks a celebratory outing sometime soon. They continued eating until they finished the last remains of their food, cleaning up the table afterwards.

It was when Tonks was rearranging the documents again on the table, with Hermione about to open her book again that she realized something.

“Bollocks, I keep forgetting you’re technically a consultant for the Ministry and I really shouldn’t overshare confidential data with you. Swear secrecy to me, Hermione, I cannot be dismissed from a project that hasn’t even started, I have warm beaches to look forward to!”

xxxx

That day Tonks woke up feeling off. Two weeks had passed since Hermione had told her about her parents, and since Tonks had sent the message to her own family. In the end, they hadn’t been home that weekend, choosing to go to the coast and enjoy the sea. They owled back as soon as they got back, and Tonks paid them a visit throughout the week, to give them enough context for the inquiry. Her father had agreed to reach out to Healer Hayes, his Hogwarts mate, and ask him if he could find a referral for what they were looking for.

Tonks was still waiting on their reply, and was hoping that she would get it by the end of this week. Although Hermione hadn’t asked anything yet, Tonks knew she was probably eager to receive any news.

She had had a restless night, full of dreams that she forgot a few minutes after waking up; the lines and conversations that transpired during the night in these imaginary planes slipping from her fingers, giving her a feeling of nostalgia for something that she couldn’t quite place. 

She felt out of sorts but couldn’t pinpoint why, so she tried to shrug off the quiet tightness in her stomach, and began her morning routine, hoping that the shower would wake her up fully and wash away the exhaustion in her bones. As Tonks stood under the spray of the water, she thought that the now forgotten dreams were the most likely cause for this mood, setting up the pace for the whole day ahead, even if she couldn’t recall them anymore.

The unsettling discomfort laid in the pit of her stomach, and spread through her legs and arms, making her twitch her fingers and blink too often, a vain effort to disperse whatever troubled energy seemed to be captive within her.

It wasn’t until she came out of the shower, and stood in front of the closet door that she felt the acute simmering in her belly leave its abstract form. The full-body mirror reflected some of the sun rays streaming in through the window, and their light caught her eye making her turn her head and glimpse her naked body.

She was not unused to the pervasive feeling of strangeness that came and went as it pleased, on some days feeling it more bitingly, on others being able to completely forget it was even there. The detachment always made its presence known in the most peculiar ways; a look, a word in a conversation, an innocent laugh, a casual touch. Coming after her without any warnings, any pauses, just arriving like a sharp arrow straight through her chest, fast and profound. Most of the days it was easy enough to shake it off and move on, but there were some when no twitching or shaking could regroup the parts that felt unhitched.

At that moment looking into the mirror, her heavy eyes evaluated and traversed her curves, dips, and softness; she was a slender person, but right there she felt that her body was all hips, thighs, and breasts. Tonks couldn’t help but feel the unpleasant sensation of disconnection.

It was going to be one of those days then. She turned away from the mirror and grabbed the clothes she needed. She dressed in silence, making a conscious effort to not turn towards her reflection. Halfway through dressing herself, she closed her eyes, and shut the closet door for good measure.

As she was about to finish putting on her uniform, a sudden thought came to her head, making her pause and go back to the closet, opening it up. With the jacket still in her hands, she looked at her face and weighed her options; today was going to be an office day, especially with the project still in its planning stages, and with her working on her proposal draft. Not a day of much interaction with other people, so it seemed to be a good opportunity to listen to whatever her discomfort was telling her. She made up her mind, and tentatively looked back at the person staring back at her from the mirror.

She concentrated on her face, staring at her regular pink hair, and switched it to green, but it didn’t feel right. Her hair went through a myriad of colorful options, even trying out black and brown, but eventually she settled on a bluish tone. Tonks had donned this specific color before, considering she changed hair tones pretty often, so it wouldn’t make anyone bat an eyelid. She let her already short hair grow slightly longer, causing it to fall on her forehead and ears (she’d have to style it), and her eyes turned a light brown.

It felt more comfortable, better, but still not quite right. She heaved another deep sigh, and Tonks idly thought that it seemed that she was sighing her way through the morning; she allowed herself to think of how she’d feel if she stopped the changes now and carried on with her day, but eventually resolved to continue. Everytime she chose to ignore these days and went on with her life, she’d feel as if every third step she took was off the curb. 

She didn’t do much, just made her brown eyes slightly almond shaped, her nose bridge a touch wider, and her jaw more pronounced. The changes were very subtle, but they were enough for Tonks to have an air of difference, to feel more attuned with her own self, while still being faint enough for not a lot of people to notice unless they paid attention.

She also adjusted her body, reducing, but not eliminating completely her curves. Hidden under the uniform, the trace of a dip could be inferred, but it was less noticeable. Tonks took a moment to appraise herself in the mirror, and after doing a once over, she breathed a sigh of relief. She could still feel the edges of something grasp at her, but she no longer felt the urge to break eye contact with her mirror self.

The haze of nostalgia that had engulfed her when she woke up dissipated throughout the rest of the morning. It was still one of those days, but Tonks was okay with it.

xxxx

When she arrived at the office, Tonks was conscious of two things: 1. Her mother’s owl was waiting on her owl perch next to her desk, with a rolled up parchment on its leg, and 2. There had been a breakthrough in the project, judging from the amount of urgent documents zooming in circles on top of her desk, waiting to be noticed.

There went the whole low profile today, Tonks’ day looked like a busy one already. She went to the desk and left her bag on top, only causing the levitating documents to zero in on her and start flying around her head. Tonks gave the owl a treat and a scratch behind her head, and removed the letter. It included the details for the recommended Healer: name, address, floo number, muggle telephone number, general details of academic and work history, along with the confirmation that the Healer was good friends with Hayes, and was also in the group of muggle-magical Healing.

A relieved smile adorned her face as she continued reading her father’s letter, telling her about their week and how they hoped the information was useful. Tonks decided she’d write to Hermione as soon as she could, but first, she needed to address the urgent documents currently flying and smacking her head trying to catch her attention.

x

Tonks hadn’t had time to even pause for breakfast. Thankfully a colleague had poked their head through her open door, seen the frantic atmosphere she was surrounded with, and taken pity on her. They offered to bring back something for her from the run they were about to make, and Tonks had agreed with a grateful smile. Amongst all the chaos, she went through her work absentmindedly munching on the bagel and drinking from the coffee cup that she had been offered, that she didn’t notice the hours flying by. Due dates for proposals had been adjusted, and she at least felt a tiny sense of satisfaction knowing that everyone participating in the project had also been bombarded with new tasks that day.

A little bit after noon, she was finally finishing up reading and replying to a batch of documents when she realized with a start that she hadn’t written to Hermione, so caught up in everything that needed to be done. Just as this happened, a new wave of urgent documents swept inside her office from the door, flying straight to her desk, making Tonks groan in frustration. She rubbed her eyes with her ink-stained hands, ignoring the documents now flying on top of her head. _Bloody personalized enchantments._ There was no way that she could have much time today, what with the way things had been going. Before she could get swept away by work again, she grabbed a quill, parchment, and set up to write.

_Aloha,_

_I got the reply with the details, but today has been absolutely mental and I am swamped with work. I can meet up for a short coffee break to talk, but I will have to rush back, if that’s okay?_

_Meet me at the Bouncing Teapot cafe near my office at 4:30?_

_Sorry!  
Tonks_

Tonks finished the letter and chided herself mentally for not having written this message earlier, thinking that she could’ve used her parents’ owl. She stood up and sighed, swatting at the swirling parchments flying in front of her, hoping they wouldn’t follow her all the way to the other side of the building where the owlery was. She hoped Hermione’s day was less shit than hers.

x

At 4:15, Tonks had finally managed to go through the majority of revisions and documents that needed her input and signature. She would still need to come back to the office for a couple of hours, but it wasn’t as time-critical as in the morning when bundles of parchment would make their way to her desk periodically. She was no stranger to responsibility, considering she had been successfully leading a team of people for a little bit over two years, and she definitely liked the challenge that this new project posed, so completely out of her comfort zone with all its diplomacy and formal structure, but she couldn’t help but hope that it would calm down when the final planning stages were completed. She would probably have to work extra to fully complete her own proposal before the due date, but that was something that she would deal with later. Right now she needed to get moving to meet Hermione; the girl was always painfully on time, and while Tonks knew she could get away with arriving some minutes late, she preferred she didn’t today.

The coffee shop was in a magical borough of downtown London, near where Tonks spent most of her time at work. Her office was in the additional operational building for Magical Law Enforcement personnel, away from the main Ministry Headquarters, set up strategically to cover more of the city area. Many of the buildings around were offices for mostly magical companies, but mixed ones also existed. The majority of the workers here were magical ones, but there were exceptions of authorized muggles or squibs, who had knowledge of the magical world and needed to be the liaison with the muggle world.

It hadn’t always been that way, but with the war it became increasingly obvious that cross-cultural operations had to be encouraged if inclusiveness was to become the norm, and the Ministry had jumped in with new reforms and incentives for the companies that adopted the new scheme. Apparently there was no Statue of Secrecy when it came to profits, but at least it was helping with the normalization of muggle culture, and vice versa, tiny baby steps at a time. 

She had chosen this cafe not only because it was convenient in this hectic day, but because it was usually busy enough that Hermione would be able to blend in from the curious eyes of the people who wanted to meet the war hero.

Tonks grabbed her bag and slung it over her head and across her torso distractedly, noticing that her Auror’s jacket was still on her chair. Groaning at her clumsiness, she just adjusted her bag to hang at the front of her body, put on the jacket, and decided to get moving.

Her office was on the second floor and as she started walking to the designated Apparition spot, she saw one of the guys in her team, so she let him know she was going out for an hour tops and coming back, waving as he nodded.

Regardless of the area being a magical one, the Ministry had started implementing public Apparition spots, to avoid startling the non-magical folks in the area, and to have a more organized way for transportation, reducing accidents’ incidence of someone Apparating on top of a clueless person randomly walking on the spot. Since Tonks had been to this cafe before, she knew where the closest Apparition spot was, and that’s where at 4:28 she found herself. The cafe was two blocks down the street and she was happy to notice that she was on time.

She weaved her way around the throngs of people walking in all directions, an amalgamation of old and new, magical and muggle, sober and modern; the mixture of all these traits borrowing from the people walking the streets, coming from different parts of the world. As she passed by all these people she could hear different languages being spoken in one corner, accents tinging the words of English in another, and all over the street, the features on people’s faces were no longer mostly white ones; she could see folks from different races and cultures walking up and down the street, blending in with the buildings and shops.

Tonks ventured into this side often, either for lunch or any other official business the team needed to tend to. It was sometimes disconcerting to see a regal looking Asian woman in wizarding robes, speaking in a clear posh English accent; and the next minute bumping into a white chap in formal muggle shirt and trousers, speaking on his muggle phone in another language. The assortment of people, races, languages, clothes, it was all overwhelming in its uniqueness.

It wasn’t terribly out of place, it _was_ London after all; it wasn’t like diversity was a newly invented concept. Whether muggle or magical, people came from every background and did whatever they wanted, not caring enough to stop their own distinctiveness for the benefit of another. But for the magical world, in a country that had been surmised in endless purity fanaticism for many years, it had never been as seamless, as accommodating, as easy as it was now, looking as if it had always been that way.

Every time Tonks stepped out of the office and into the street, she would be gripped by how much the magical world in the country had moved forward in such a short amount of time, never really quite getting used to it. Tonks liked the reminders as much as she liked the area.

At last she was at the door of the cafe and went inside, locating Hermione in one of the tables on the back; her curly, brown hair was in up in a loose ponytail, and she was wearing robes over her muggle clothes. Tonks bypassed the counter and approached the table where her friend was. As she was a few meters away, Hermione sensed someone close and looked up, in time for Tonks to wave her hand. Hermione scrunched her eyebrows for a second, tilted her head slightly to the side, and gave Tonks a once over.

With how busy the day had been, Tonks hadn’t had the time to be self conscious, or even think about the adjustments she had completed in the morning, so to be openly scrutinised made her steps falter for a second, suddenly hyper aware of how she looked.

Tonks sat down on the chair opposite to Hermione, and nervously said hi, while trying to remove her bag, getting it tangled under her jacket. Still feeling bashful, Tonks' face heated up at her clumsiness, and started removing her jacket so she could take off the damn bag. Finally free of the jacket and bag, Tonks looked at Hermione and noticed she was still staring at her intently.

“You made some changes.” Hermione spoke in a quiet voice, hey eyes raking all over her still flushed face. Tonks didn’t really know what to feel, barely allowing herself to breath. It was as if not thinking about this all day had caused this moment to feel even more monumental. “You look good. Different but good, I like it.”

No one had mentioned anything, so this made Hermione the first one to notice, or the first to bring it up at least. The relief was palpable on Tonks’ face, and the momentary self-doubt that had consumed her dissipated at the reassurance, allowing herself to feel more at ease in the corners of her body. Her stomach didn’t feel so heavy, and she could breath more easily.

“Thank you,” Tonks broke into a huge smile, her slightly different eyes crinkling at the corners, the happy lines an extension of the warm bubbling feeling inside of her. “I wanted– _needed_ a change today. Did you order already?”

“No, I was waiting for you.”

They both walked up to the counter, looking up at the board with all the products and sizes. The list was written in magical chalk, changing font and style every few minutes, causing the decorative drawings in the margins to move and dance with each switch. Hermione went first and gave her order to the person behind the counter, whilst Tonks stood slightly behind and tried to decide what she wanted. Once Hermione was done, she stood to the side to wait for her order, and Tonks walked the few steps to the counter, her eyes still on the board.

“I’d like–” As she moved, her hand managed to hit the tips’ basket on the counter, almost knocking it off. Tonks caught the thing with her hands and righted it, murmuring an embarrassed curse. “I’d like the Special Herbal tea, extra sugar, please.”

When Tonks looked up, she saw the woman behind the counter wearing an amused grin, her eyebrows raised, no doubt from her display of clumsiness.

“That’s an unexpected order.” The woman said smiling, and started punching in things in what looked like a muggle device, then she flicked her wand to kickstart the order, sending a small piece of paper across the room to where there were more employees completing orders. “Wicked hair, by the way. It looks good.” As she said this, her eyes rove over Tonks’ face and hair.

Tonks followed the paper with her eyes, too lost in the movement to notice the woman’s look. “Hmm? Oh, I’m already pumped up and coffee would get me all jittery.” Tonks turned to the woman again and gave her a charming smile, noticing her dark hair and the splatter of freckles on her bronze skin. “And thanks!”

She finished paying up and joined an amused Hermione, who was already cradling her latte in her hands. Hermione took a sip of her cup, and both of them waited in silence for Tonks’ order to be ready.

“It seems like that girl also likes the look.” Hermione said neutrally, looking at the people making tea and coffee behind the counter with a mixture of magic and muggle methods.

“What?” Tonks blinked, and turned to look at her friend. “What do you mean?”

“She was flirting, Tonks.” At Tonks bewildered look, Hermione continued. “Merlin, you’re hopeless.”

“ _She was not!_ She was just being polite.” Tonks whispered, her voice carrying on top of Hermione’s laughter. “Let’s just get my tea and go to the table.”

x

They finally settled back into their seats again, and Tonks wasted no time digging into her bag, retrieving the piece of parchment she had received from her father that morning. She gave the parchment to Hermione, who took it with both hands.

“His name is Healer Paul Leong. According to my dad, he attended a muggle university once he finished his magical masteries after Hogwarts, and has been working a number of years in different institutes, including some abroad. They’re all listed there, but I’m sure you can get more details from him directly.

Apparently he’s very Scottish, and a pioneer in muggle techniques for magical head trauma.”

“Did your father mention his experience with memory charms?”

Tonks shook her head. “Not in detail, but he did mention that he’s not unfamiliar. He was involved in a big incident in Germany a few years back, when a lot of muggles had to be Obliviated because of a magical accident, and side effects started impacting them.”

Hermione paused, trying to absorb all the information. Finally, she asked in a hushed tone. “Was the recovery successful?”

Tonks hesitated for only a second, she didn’t want to give Hermione the wrong impression, but she really didn’t have many details. “From what my dad says, there was considerable improvement.”

“Sorry, I– I should ask him, not interrogate you.” Hermione shook her head and looked at the information written in the parchment again.

“No no, it’s alright, I wish I had more details though. I just have the overview, and the Healer’s information. The paper has his floo address and muggle telephone number.”

Hermione looked at it one last time and folded the parchment, bending over to pull out a book from her bag. She opened the book and put the paper inside its pages.

Hermione turned to look at her, moving a few stray, curly hairs behind her ears. With her friend’s eyes once again fixed on her face with such an intense look, Tonks felt something creep up on her. She allowed her own eyes to look back at Hermione’s eyes, shiny with emotion, her mouth slightly parted, stuck trying to find the right words.

“Tonks… I don’t know how to– how to even begin to thank you.”

Tonks waved her hand and shook her head. “Don’t, I’m just a messenger.”

“Still… I–” Hermione insisted, and Tonks could see the words in her eyes, her face, her posture. But this wasn’t something that she wanted to be thanked for, she just wanted Hermione to be okay, and her parents’ wellbeing was a big part of her okayness. Anyone who cared about Hermione would do the same thing.

“Just keep me updated, yeah? I’d like to know how things go.” Tonks said, “But other than that there is nothing to thank me for. Maybe buy me lunch for my excellent messenger skills, but that’s it.”

“Alright, next time lunch is on me then.” They looked at each other for a moment, content in their silence, until Hermione’s eyes strayed behind Tonks, pulling a confused face.

“What?”

As she asked the question Tonks saw someone approach the table, and place a big biscuit on the table. Tonks was confused and looked at Hermione, “Did you order something?”

“Um, actually, it’s on the house.” At this, Tonks turned her head and saw the woman who had been behind the counter, with a pretty blush over her freckles. She was fiddling with a piece of paper in her hands, biting her lip and giving Tonks an embarrassed smile. She put the paper on the table delicately, next to Tonks’ right hand. “I think you’re stunning, so I included my info in the note, if you’re interested.”

With that, the girl turned around and left the table, leaving a stunned Tonks behind. Tonks was definitely not a saint, but she had been caught off-guard completely, and her reactions were difficult to control. She could feel the tips of her ears become red, under the shaggy blue hair falling on top of them; she looked down at the paper and read _Claire_ , followed by her contact information in a neat scribble.

“I told you she was flirting.” Hermione said not looking at Tonks, but following the other brunette with amused eyes until she went behind the counter. Once there, the girl stole a glance back at the table and met Hermione’s gaze, before blushing and turning to help the next customer in line.

With her eyes still looking at the woman, Hermione jokingly said, “That was not very polite. For all she knew we could be together!” Tonks snorted, and the sound snapped Hermione’s attention away from the girl, looking back in time to see Tonks fold the paper carefully and put it in the inside pocket of her jacket.

“Wait, are you– are you keeping it?” Hermione looked genuinely confused, and Tonks shrugged noncommittally.

They stayed in silence for a beat, Tonks still feeling the haze of the delighted embarrassment that came with someone openly flirting with her, but she couldn’t shake away the awkward feeling that was coming in waves from her friend.

“Do you even like women?” Hermione’s tone was sharp, accusatory. But her eyes were narrowed in confusion, the crease in her brow spoke more about puzzlement than anger.

Tonks’ eyebrows shot up at her tone of voice, and her eyes switched from brown to green, and then back again, in a display of uncontrolled emotion. “Whoa, okay.” Tonks could tell Hermione had questions, but this hardly seemed like the time or the place for that; and Hermione’s cadency made her want to tread carefully. For something to do, Tonks reached for the biscuit and halved it, nibbling on her part, and pushing Hermione’s to her.

“I’m sorry, I just thought you were joking before, you never said– I’m sorry, it’s really none of my business, is it?” Hermione seemed to realize the way she’d spoken, and wanted to go back to neutral territory. “I was just taken aback.”

Tonks felt bad for not having been very forthcoming with Hermione before, she hadn’t kept it a secret, but she never fully admitted to it without it being part of a joke. It was easier than actually coming up and saying it. She also never wanted Hermione to feel weird or uncomfortable in their friendship, so if it never came up, then she didn’t mention it.

“Look, I really have to rush back, I’m sorry. I wasn’t lying about being crammed with work.”

Hermione nodded a few times, “Yes, of course.”

Tonks took her jacket from behind her, and started putting it on. She turned to look at Hermione carefully.

“We're still on for Saturday? If you’d like, we can talk about this then.”

Hermione nodded again without saying a word, and Tonks felt the beginning threads of anxiety pushing into her stomach, making the palms of her hands tingle unpleasantly. Tonks finished buttoning up her jacket, and was about to reach for her bag, when Hermione’s hand made its way across the small table and touched her hand tentatively.

“Hey, I really was just surprised.” Her friend searched her face until their eyes met, Hermione held her gaze and squeezed her hand. “It doesn’t change anything, okay?”

“I… I didn’t want things to be weird.” Tonks replied honestly, her words coming out in a breath, and Hermione gave her a smile.

“Never. I’ll see you on Saturday.” Hermione squeezed her hand one last time and let go.

Tonks walked away from the table, feeling relieved and lighter, as if a big weight had been lifted from her back. Now Hermione knew, it was out in the open and it didn’t change anything, she had said. She knew they still needed to talk about it, and that there was always the possibility of it affecting their friendship; but Hermione’s eyes had been so sincere when she had said it wouldn’t change anything. Tonks couldn’t help but feel a pang of short lived longing, thinking that it wouldn’t be so bad if some things changed, but she forcefully pushed down the thought, wishful thinking was pointless.

Before reaching the exit, she turned to the counter and found the woman with the freckles looking at her shyly from her spot. She shot a genuine smile her way, and waved at her with the hand that was holding the biscuit.

The smile she got back from the woman was all the reassurance she needed at that moment, any misplaced yearning disappearing for the day.

xxxx

Saturday finally arrived, and thankfully Tonks’ workload during the rest of the week hadn’t reduced, which meant she had less time to think, to worry, to stress. Even though Hermione had assured her that nothing would change, Tonks couldn’t help but feel apprehension. Lately, they had been getting closer in their friendship, sharing more and more personal things; old stories, things that made them who they were now, so she had known that this was something that they would eventually need to talk about, but she never thought it’d be precipitated by a woman expressing her interest in her in front of Hermione.

They agreed to meet up for supper, and by the time Tonks apparated near the restaurant, she was already on edge. As she got close to the restaurant’s door, she could make out Hermione standing outside waiting for her, looking at the menu and signs on the restaurant’s window. Spring was fast approaching, but the weather was still a bit chilly, so she was bundled up with a light burgundy sweater and a mustard colored scarf; her hair was loose, strands of curly hair moving with the breeze. She looked like a regular girl, waiting to get Dim Sum, and Tonks calmed down. This was Hermione, whatever happened they would figure it out.

Hermione once had told Tonks that her war reflexes were never really turned off, always hyper aware of her surroundings, and so when Hermione turned to look at her, she was not surprised that she had been clocked. Hermione’s lips were chapped, and her brown skin was flushed from the cold.

“Oh no, you look cold, am I late?” Hermione shook her head sheepishly.

“I’ve never had Dim Sum, so I wanted to check out the menu before. It’s only been five minutes but the breeze is cold.”

Tonks herded Hermione inside the restaurant, and they went through the motions of being seated, the waiter gave them a piece of paper and a pencil and left. Tonks asked Hermione if it was okay if she placed the order, and at her agreement, she started asking questions about preferred flavors as she went through the options. Once Tonks was satisfied with everything that she had marked down on the paper, she waved politely at the waiter, and gave the order to him, turning to look at Hermione after the guy had left.

“My dad loves Dim Sum, we used to go to a restaurant near our house all the time.” Tonks replied to Hermione’s unspoken question. “I’m very happy he’s muggle born, because it means I got to try all these amazing foods.

So how was the week? Anything new?”

“Remember the strength healing potion I’ve been working on? I am fairly certain that I’m very close to making a breakthrough in the research. I’m hoping to compare samples and go over some of the other results, so I’m probably going into the Ministry lab next week.”

“That’s great! I know you’ve been working hard on this one. No wonder the Ministry allows you to come and go as you please.” Tonks laughed, she knew the Ministry had tried so hard to recruit Hermione for any department, but her friend had refused, claiming that she couldn’t in good conscience be part of the same system that had allowed so many injustices to happen. 

She had wanted to help with the new reform activities, but she had also wanted to be separate and impartial from the institution, otherwise she’d feel compromised. Shacklebolt eventually caved in, and authorized Hermione to be a consultant of sorts, someone who could have access to Ministry funded facilities, with enough independence to work on her own research, and having a say in the Ministry’s projects relating to the post-war reorganisation. Hermione had said that if reform and equality was really the Ministry’s objective then their goals would align and they wouldn’t have a problem with her self-lead research. 

Hermione had been participating in a myriad of assignments and subjects, from potions and transfiguration research, to law amendments for magical creatures, to being a vocal advocate for integration and structural reform. She was one of the main collaborators in the Ministry campaign for equality and non-discrimination. So far everyone (including Hermione) had been pleased with the results, and it seemed like the dynamic was still working out. Now that Tonks knew about the heaviness Hermione had been carrying, she wondered how she managed to do all those things and not be burned out.

The waiter brought them a teapot and teacups, along with the first dishes they ordered in bamboo steamers. Both Hermione and Tonks moved to grab chopsticks and a spoon, and started moving the servings from the communal recipient to their own plates.

“I am rubbish at using chopsticks. Do you think it’d be too embarrassing if I ask for a fork?” Hermione asked, looking around and whispering. Tonks laughed loudly, a rumbling laughter coming from her belly, and asked the waiter for utensils as soon as he was available.

They started eating, Hermione still trying very hard to use the chopsticks, but failing and dropping her food along the way. Tonks tried to help, reassuring Hermione it was just a matter of practice, until Hermione just grabbed the fork and started enjoying her food.

“So my week was busy, I spent it up to my neck in law enforcement legislation and operational planning. Fun stuff.” Tonks said as she used her chopsticks and spoon to move a shrimp dumpling to her plate. “Shall we tackle the big, pink elephant in the room?”

Hermione looked up sharply at that, and busied herself with pouring tea into their teacups. “As someone wise once told me ‘we don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about’.”

“Hmmm, that person sounds smart and charming, I have to say.”

They both paused as the waiter chose that moment to deliver a big bowl of sour soup. Once he was gone, Tonks took a big breath and broke the silence.

“The first person I dated was a girl, back in my sixth year. It was short and intense, as teenage romances are wont to be.” Tonks’ free hand moved through her still blue hair, in a nervous gesture. “I didn’t date much after, but gender was never a big deal to me.”

“So how long have you known?”

Tonks shrugged, a bite of food in her mouth. “I don’t know for sure, to be honest. I’ve always felt like gender is inconsequential to my attraction. Like, if I fancy the person, it’s all of them, not just that tiny part of themselves, you know?”

Hermione hmm’d, and started pouring some sour soup into her smaller bowl. Once she was done she didn’t touch it, instead putting her hands on the table, and nervously drummed her fingers on it for a few seconds.

Finally, she stopped her fidgeting and gazed at Tonks with a very soft look, her brown eyes almost sad. It was a look that Tonks had never seen before, and it hit her straight in the chest. “How come you never told me before? I mean, it’s not like you had to, I just–

I thought you were just teasing all those times, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t be open with me.”

“It’s not– it was never personal, Hermione, I promise.” Tonks lowered her chopsticks, and refilled their small teacups, a few flower petals escaping the confines of the teapot and flowing into their cups. Tonks grabbed her tea and took a few sips. “You know I don’t like disclosing much about me, like how I am usually weary of people who only take a liking to me when they find out I’m a metamorphmagus. I never mentioned it because– well, old habits die hard and muggle borns weren’t the only ones with a target on their back, you know?”

Dawning realization fell onto Hermione’s face. “Yeah, it was safer, especially in the middle of a war. Besides, I was dating Remus.”

“Did he know?”

Tonks nodded. “He did. He was always supportive.” They both continued eating in silence for a few minutes.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“No, I’m sorry for taking so long, and for always bringing it up in a joke. I’m sure that didn’t help.” Tonks said with an embarrassed smile. “I never found the nerve or the correct time, and I didn’t want things to be awkward.”

“Never, we’re friends. We can always talk about anything over food.”

Tonks gave Hermione a soft smile, hoping that she could see in her eyes everything she was feeling: relief, care, happiness. Objectively she knew that her orientation was nothing to be ashamed of, but the irrational fear of Hermione reacting badly had been at the back of her mind longer than she cared to admit. She had been holding back out of the fear of Hermione drawing away from her, putting a stop to their friendship, or putting up walls to keep her at arms’ length, put out and uncomfortable. Tonks knew Hermione was not that kind of person, and the subject of other people’s orientations had been touched by them a few times, she _knew_ Hermione wouldn’t judge her. But emotionally, it had been terrifying; it was always different when it was you, not some abstract person, detached from the conversation. Tonks hadn’t wanted to risk the friendship, the affection, the closeness; Hermione was a very important person in her life, and the thought of her thinking differently of her, pained her to the core.

But as she roamed Hermione’s face, as she looked into her eyes, she could see reflected in her friend’s eyes the same care and happiness she was feeling. _She really is an extraordinary witch._

“Alright, so have you converted to Dim Sum or not? Because if you have, we need to work on your chopsticks skills, I can’t have you ask for a fork every time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy Lupin doesn't exist in this universe, mostly because I decided to focus more on the exploration, and couldn't fit the story's original idea around parenthood. Maybe next time.
> 
> Stay safe.


	5. Swirls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know that this started as a one-shot, possibly risky sort of story? I am almost 20k words in, h e l p.
> 
> This chapter was a bit long, so I had to split it in two parts, because no one has time to read a 50 mins chapter. I should be uploading the second part soon-ish.
> 
> Romantic happenings will start picking up from here, but I did say it was a hella slow burn, right? Bear with me.

Tonks had been antsy for the next few weeks after their conversation over dumplings. It’s not that she had doubted Hermione when she’d said that nothing would change between them after she came out, or at least she hadn’t doubted her genuine intentions; but she hadn’t been able to curb the rush of wariness and anxiety in their next interactions. Tonks had felt on edge and hyper vigilant of every one of her words and movements, fretful of Hermione reading too much into the brief touches they shared, that she’d see something in her eyes and misconstruct it, that she’d reevaluate the intention behind Tonks’ gestures.

And while yes, Tonks was aware of the faint glimmer of endearment she carried for Hermione, it had never been the motivation behind her actions; Tonks fiercely opposed the waves of longing that lapped at her, feeling as if her own body and mind were working in tandem to construct the betrayal of a valued friendship. Thus, whenever a flutter of longing made its presence known, Tonks made a conscious effort to quell the impulses, desperate to keep them separate from the genuine care she had for her friend. For all her uncontainable feelings, languid or otherwise, she didn’t want to taint this with whatever feelings surfaced every once in a while.

Hermione’s friendship was an offering that she enthusiastically accepted and took at the very beginning. Out of the companionship, many joyous moments had been built, and so this bond with her had become a precious part of her life, a respite from the hard work that the new world required.

They all had dreamed of a safer life, a better place to exist. Many people, Hermione and Tonks included, had been brought together by the visceral desire to either stay alive or keep their loved ones protected. The immovable conviction that their world should, _could_ be better.

And now, here they were, finally taking sizable steps into what they once hoped for, both of them investing their energy and time into making structural change that would allow their joy to extend to everyone else. Who would Tonks be to disrupt the quiet contentment they had finally achieved? She wouldn’t dare to upset the peace surrounding them, she wouldn’t give that up, especially after the many sacrifices that got them there.

And Tonks found the idea of Hermione thinking differently of her unbearable.

Eventually she had managed to relax, the worry lines on her face easing away. Hermione had kept her word, and if she’d ever second guessed any of Tonks’ interactions, she’d never shown it. Nothing had changed, if anything, it had changed for the better. True to her word and her character, Hermione had transitioned into a new phase of friendship where she would be more inclusive in her jokes, making sure to tease Tonks with women now, much to Tonks’ embarrassed amusement.

By the time Tonks started feeling like herself again, a much more at ease version of herself, they had continued their outings, occasionally catching a movie. It became a silent agreement to choose the movies together, both of them cautious of selecting one that could provoke strong feelings, preferring to stay near the lighter topics.

They were having supper on a Friday, having met after another intense week of work. Hermione had made the breakthrough in the potion she was working on, and had taken to the gruelling process of documenting and testing; Tonks had been up to her neck in the final details for the project’s proposal and getting ready for her presentation.

Both of them still had a lot of tasks to complete, but when Hermione sent her a note through floo saying she needed a break and asking if Tonks wanted to meet up for supper and a beer, she had jumped in at the opportunity. She had spent hours furiously working on her documents, back hunched as she poured over her desk, eyes watering from sheer intense focusing.

They kept it easy on that day, deciding to go to a pub near Hermione’s flat, and ordering shared muggle junk food over a pint of beer. They had been casually catching up on their weeks, with  
Tonks nibbling on the big plate of chips that they had ordered when Hermione asked the question.

“So, what kind of women– persons do you like?” Tonks had been completely surprised by the question, considering that no more than two minutes ago they had been talking about Hermione’s research, so she couldn’t help the choking sound at the question.

“What? Where is this coming from?”

Hermione’s right shoulder went up, nonchalant, as she took a sip from her beer. “Curiosity, I guess.”

“I don’t– I don’t really have a type?” Tonks said gingerly, her right hand wrapped around her glass of beer, while the other grabbed a napkin, not really knowing how to reply and feeling like she needed to move. It wasn’t a lie, she didn’t have a type per se, not physically at least, but she did tend to like certain things from people: Tonks liked people who were smart and strong, fierce in their heartfelt desire to be better, to create good things. She was well aware that Hermione fit the bill very accurately, and so Tonks preferred to not bring it up, lest it pike Hermione’s inquisitiveness.

She took a sip of beer and idly wondered if she was overthinking things, one could argue that those traits were not romantically inclined, and many of her friends were exactly like that. She was interrupted from her musings by Hermione.

“What about her? She’s definitely good looking.”

Tonks turned her head to look at the woman Hermione was looking at, purely out of reactionary impulse more than actual engagement. She only caught a glimpse of brown hair and curves from a woman who looked as if she was trying to locate her friends in the pub, before Tonks chastised herself mentally, turned back and hurriedly whispered to the brunette. “ _Hermione!_ ” Tonks put her hands flat on the table and leaned forward to look at her friend with amused, but affronted eyes.

Hermione turned her eyes back at Tonks, an eyebrow twitching, lips pursed with mirth. “What? She can’t hear us.” She replied innocently, taking a chip and popping it into her mouth, causing Tonks’ to silently laugh while she shook her head in disbelief.

“Indulge me, my curiosity won’t be appeased otherwise!” Tonks raised her amused eyes up as in a prayer, muttering the word ‘patience’ teasingly. She finally turned back discreetly to look at the woman, who had walked across the pub to a table at the end and was hugging the friends she met up there with a big smile on her face. The woman was around her height, had brown, wavy hair that reached her shoulders, and the soft curves of her body filled the clothes she was wearing. She was definitely good looking, but Tonks still felt funny for checking her out so blatantly.

“I– I mean, she _is_ pretty, but I don’t know, I really don’t have a type.”

Hermione hmm’d and started scanning the pub silently, most likely trying to locate the next target in this ‘Let’s find out Tonks’ type’ mission. Tonks took notice of this and groaned internally, knowing that it’d be difficult for Hermione to let go once fixated on the topic. She loved her friend, but she was downright obsessive when her curiosity latched onto something, and right now, Tonks was her latest test case. Before Hermione could start again, Tonks decided to steer away the conversation from her partner preferences.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not really looking for a relationship.” This was true, Tonks was up to her neck in planning, and the Magical Law department was always hectic, never failing to keep everyone with their hands full, thus romantic flings hadn’t been part of her agenda for a while. Tonks grabbed a chip and dipped it in ketchup, looking around the pub distractedly; if she was honest, she hadn’t even thought about relationships lately, her time always occupied and her mind too consumed with the activity to leave any space for explorations.

“Well, no one is talking about marriage.” Tonks eyes snapped back to Hermione’s.

“Hermione Granger, are you suggesting _casual flings_?” Tonks made an effort to enunciate slowly, both mirth and surprise apparent in her voice.

Hermione’s right shoulder moved again, up and down, coyly. “I’m just saying, it doesn’t have to be that big of a deal.”

“Who would’ve known that the brightest witch of her age was so broad-minded?”

“I’ll have you know,” Hermione started, in a clear imitation of Tonks’ earlier words, her lips curving into an easy smile. “I am not as inflexible as people assume. Oh, it’s definitely not my thing, but my family was always very accepting and open-minded, so it just seems natural.

My aunt on my mother’s side –she’s mum’s cousin–, she’s married to a German woman. Sounds odd to say it like that, she’s my aunt and I always knew her as that. To be honest, I think my mum’s family had more issues with aunt Julia being German than a woman.” Hermione laughed and sipped a bit more from her pint, her eyes still scanning the room, but without a purpose now.

“And on my dad’s side, I’m pretty sure that uncle Joe and his wife had an open marriage, of course I only figured it out now as an adult. Like I said, not for me, and probably not for my parents either, but they were always welcoming and understanding. So who would I be to lecture you on casual affairs, hm?”

Tonks’ face flushed with pleasure at Hermione opening up more about her family. Every bit of information shared was cherished and stored with care, providing depth to this woman sitting in front of her. Tonks wondered who else knew all these tidbits of information, and selfishly hoped that she was the first to uncover them, only to remember that Harry and Ron were probably the first ones on the list. It took Tonks a second to recognize it hadn’t been a particularly nice thought, made a note to work harder on the flares of her competitiveness; a bond like the trio had could not be broken by failed romances or any other curves that life threw at them. People cannot survive a war relying on the arms of their peers and friends, only for the link to be destroyed by petty issues. No one would be able to fully understand what the three of them went through, and that was okay, Tonks was thankful enough that Hermione trusted her with this part of her.

She made up her mind, Hermione was telling her something that she was sure not a lot of people knew. Tonks had already been vulnerable with her before, with such an important detail about her romantic life, and Hermione’s reaction had been exceptional. She wanted to be reciprocal in her trust. They ordered two more pints when the waitress came to their table, and once they were delivered Tonks began talking.

“I fancy people who know things that I don’t. Doesn’t have to be anything very academic, but I like learning from them. I like to be on my toes even if I have no idea what they are talking about.” Tonks looked at Hermione’s face, trying to gauge her reaction. She was attentive to her words, but otherwise her expression didn’t change. Tonks released some of the tension in her shoulders, she had been overthinking it after all.

“I don’t have a type in terms of appearance, because if I like them as a person, I will like them physically. But I tend to fancy people who are fiery and bold, with a strong head on their shoulders, while still being a good person.”

“That sounds about right,” Tonks raised her eyebrows in question. “You’re always so full of energy, it makes sense you’d prefer someone who can keep you engaged.”

“You know what? Scratch everything I just said, my main requirement is them being funny. I can’t date anyone too serious, and we can’t go by with my humor. My jokes are only hilarious every third month, I’d dehydrate from the responsibility to perform.” Tonks finished, her tone of voice aghast, causing Hermione to laugh. “You laugh as if I’m actually joking, youngling.

Either way, I’m not in a hurry, especially now with work. I barely have time for myself, I don’t know if I can spare the energy to meet someone new and date.”

“Is the trip confirmed yet?”

“Not yet, I should be getting word in two weeks tops. But it’s still a tie between Greece and Spain.”

“Oh, maybe you’ll meet someone on your trip. A mediterranean with a tan and an assertive mouth.”

She looked at Hermione’s brown eyes, sparkling under the light of the pub, eager and naive in their care. Tonks felt another faint pull, a wave of affection, but broke into a teasing smile instead, her eyebrow twitching. “One can only dream for such a specific mouth.”

“Sod off, I didn’t mean it like that!”

Tonks laughed loudly at that, Hermione eventually joining in in embarrassment. “Gosh, I should know better by now.”

Tonks wholeheartedly agreed, Hermione had gotten better over time, especially considering she was friends with Ginny and regularly spent time with Tonks, but every now and then she slipped and it was just so easy to tease her.

Happy that they had moved on from the topic, they spent a few minutes catching up on Tonks’ project. After a short moment of silence, Hermione sobered up. It wasn’t very noticeable, just a slight quietness to her laughter, but before Tonks’ could inquire about it, Hermione spoke in a soft voice.

“I have an appointment with Healer Leong, next Wednesday.”

“Oh that’s– that’s great! Isn’t it?”

“It is, he was actually booked for months, but I think my name helped things.” Hermione said sheepishly, she was still not very happy with the spotlight that came with being Hermione Granger. Tonks herself was not as famous, but inside the walls of the Ministry she would still get the stares and whispers, thankfully she could disguise herself pretty well most of the time.

“No shame, war fame should be useful for some things, not just to complicate public outings.” Hermione’s mouth curved in an attempt of a smile, but she still looked out of sorts.

“What’s wrong? Are you not sure about the Healer? We can find someone else if you’re not comfortable, I can reach out to my dad, no problem.”

“No no, it’s not that, I am looking forward to the appointment. And you shouldn’t burden your family again on my behalf.” Tonks’ eyebrows furrowed and was about to cut in to tell Hermione it was not a burden, but she carried on. “I’m just really nervous, what if he says there’s nothing that can be done?”

Tonks blinked and tried to organize her thoughts. This was a real possibility, and Tonks didn’t want to say something that could potentially disappoint and hurt Hermione in the future, if improvement was not fully possible for her parents.

“That’s– that’s possible, yes. But we can’t really conclude anything before he has time to look into it. His credentials seem to back his experience up, so at the very least he’ll be able to suggest something.”

Hermione nodded, and drank from her almost empty glass of beer. “You’re right, I’m over thinking. I’ll just wait for the appointment.”

“Are your parents going with you?” Hermione shook her head lightly.

“I haven’t told them yet. I want to talk to the Healer first, understand the options better.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Tonks wanted to be supportive, but she didn’t know what Hermione felt comfortable with. “For moral support or distraction purposes?”

Again, Hermione only shook her head. “Thank you for the offer, but I think it’ll be best if I go alone, at least the first time.”

Tonks nodded, understanding that she needed to do this on her own. “Alright, let me know if you change your mind.” Tonks drank from her pint, almost finishing it. “And Hermione, if it comes to that… We’ll figure something out.” 

Hermione had been fidgeting with her now empty pint, eyes fixated on the movement. But when she heard Tonks’ words, she looked up and met her gaze. Tonks saw more than heard the quiet thank you that Hermione mouthed, eyes crinkling with affection.

The movement of her mouth made Tonks’ chest feel fluttery, so she snapped her eyes back to meet Hermione’s. Unbidden, a thought hit her a second too late. _I like brown eyes too._

xxxx

After a lengthy bid between the countries and numerous pitches, the trip was finally confirmed. Tonks would be attending a 3-week long preliminary seminar along the rest of the team in Spain, and she was scheduled to Floo travel in a month or so, to give the hosting country’s Ministry enough time to prepare accommodations and all details that needed to be taken care of. Tonks had presented her final draft proposal and it had been welcomed and praised by her peers; although she had received mostly good feedback, she would be making a few corrections and adjustments to it, but overall it had been a hit. She had attended her colleagues’ presentations as well, and they had also received very positive comments. It had been very difficult to shake her out of her good spirits, and all in all Tonks was feeling overjoyed with how things were working out.

On top of that, Hermione’s first appointment with Healer Leong had been good. They had met up a day after it happened, and Hermione had gone over everything that had been discussed: from possible options they had, to the risks involving the procedures. Hermione had been relieved that the Healer hadn’t held back, that he had been upfront about what it would entail. She had drilled him down, and Tonks could easily picture Hermione sitting down in a pristine office, with a bound notebook in her hands, quill ready to make annotations, going over every single one of her notes and questions. In the end, he had said that there were no guarantees, as memory alterations were always volatile and tricky, but that there were at least a few different routes that they could explore. Tonks had noted that Hermione’s mood that day had been cheerful, albeit quietly, and she felt her own wave of hopefulness for her friend’s parents.

Hermione had immediately scheduled a second consultation, and on this one her parents would be attending for their first magical-medical assessment. Tonks assumed that this was one of those situations that Hermione needed to see through herself, but she still had offered to go with her again, mostly out of supportive politeness, wanting to let her know that she was available in case she needed the company. When Hermione declined, Tonks just assured her that she was a certified parents’ charmer, and that her repertoire of ‘Jokes for all occasions’ would still be available for when her presence was required. Hermione had just laughed a lively laugh, the underlying sound of relief palpable in Tonks’ ears.

In the end, the date of Hermione’s second appointment ended up coinciding with Tonks’ impromptu lunch celebration with the Weasleys. When Arthur Weasley heard about Tonks’ involvement in the International Muggle-Magical Cooperation Coalition, he hadn’t hesitated to inform his wife and family, and from then on it had been a matter of confirming that yes, she was going to be participating in it and yes, she was going to be the representative for the Magical Law department. They were all ecstatic for her, and Molly decided that a celebration over food was necessary, refusing to take no for an answer. Molly only conceded on keeping it a very small, casual affair, at Tonks’ multiple requests that she really only wanted food and company.

Although Hermione’s visits to The Burrow were still infrequent, Tonks thought that it would be nice if she could attend the quiet gathering too. She had brought it up to the brunette, suggesting that she could easily ask Molly to reschedule so it wouldn’t interfere with her appointment, and making it so she could join in for lunch; but Hermione had waved it off, stating that the plans were already in motion, and it’d be an inconvenience to the Weasleys. 

According to Hermione, Harry was the only one who knew about the Healer (apart from Tonks), and for the moment she preferred to avoid questions. Besides, she was sure that it would still be a slightly awkward ordeal, with Ron involved in the celebration. Hermione said that Tonks deserved to have a nice lunch at The Burrow that wasn’t painted with the clumsiness between Ron and her. 

“I’m also rubbish at flying, and I just know you lot will be playing afterwards.”

Unable to deny this, and understanding her friend’s discomfort, Tonks acquiesced and confirmed the lunch with the Weasleys, with Hermione’s promises to celebrate with her on another day in her mind.

x

The day of the lunch, Tonks was very diligent with her tasks, trying to get them out of her way so she could leave early without falling behind on her work. By the time she was ready to apparate to the Burrow, she had completed the afternoon’s and the next morning’s backlog of tasks, giving her a sense of accomplishment.

Lunch had been a simple affair, with Molly’s excellent food that was still unrivaled by no one. The sounds of conversations around the table making the house lively and loud, filling Tonks with a pleasant sensation of familiarity. Tonks tried to visit The Burrow at least once a month, but it wasn’t that often that everyone was able to clear their schedule and coincide. Even Percy had been able to be there at least for lunch, and lining up the rest of the seats were Harry, Ginny, Ron, George, Bill, Fleur, Molly and Arthur. Remus was in the middle of a mission for the Ministry, so even though they were on friendly terms, he was unable to attend. It felt nice and cozy, and when Molly said that she had baked the big loaf of bread sitting in the middle of the table from scratch, she felt cared for. But when the freshly baked desserts were brought to the table, she felt loved.

Whenever more than 5 of them would meet at the same time, they would allow themselves a few hours in the afternoon for a quick free-style match. And that was the case on that day, with Harry, Ron, Ginny, and George available to have a match after lunch. Percy had a prior engagement and was admittedly not great on a broom, so he left them giving Tonks a strong handshake and wishing her good luck in the project. Fleur and Bill also had to leave once Victoire started getting fussy and couldn’t be appeased. Bill looked a bit more unenthused, wishing he could have time to fly around, but happy to care for his daughter. Both of them wished Tonks a good trip, and Fleur suggested a few places that Tonks needed to visit. She promised she would owl them before she left.

After all the goodbyes, the rest walked up to the Quidditch pitch in the Weasleys’ property, with their brooms in their hands. All of them were proficient, but with Ginny playing professionally, it always felt like they were all competing against her.

The family’s Quidditch pitch had been restored and upgraded thanks to mostly Ginny and George’s large contributions; the money she made playing for the Holyhead Harpies guaranteed a better pitch on the family grounds, and the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes was booming in business, allowing an overall improvement of the Burrow. Bathrooms were expanded, the interior upgraded, new furniture in place of the previous worn out ones. The outside still kept the essence of the original Burrow, but stepping inside the house felt like a new place altogether, for the better. Molly and Arthur had put up a polite front, refusing to accept the changes at first, but when their children didn’t cave in, they eventually accepted the adjustments with relief, their home finally a place of overall comfort that they could enjoy instead of just chaos.

The days were starting to be longer and warmer, and with the exertion of flying everyone was sweating. Tonks always felt lighter when in the sky, as if all her (unintentional) blundering didn’t have a place to exist in the air; these moments with the air blowing in her face, the rush of adrenaline from the dips and the speed where sharp reactions were the priority, her body felt ironically immaterial, as if the parts that existed separate on the ground became a whole as soon as she kicked up in the air, with the sole objective of motion. There was no time to ponder over the discomfort when her whole being was consumed with the essentiality of action.

Tonks always found herself painfully focused when up in the air, and she relished the moments when it was all a choreography of execution.

Ginny was in the middle of passing the quaffle to Tonks, when she saw movement on the ground out of the corner of her eye. Tonks caught the quaffle, but her distraction made her a sitting duck for the bludger headed her way. 

“Oi! Pay attention, you purple torch!” 

Tonks only had half a second to be amused by the dig Ginny made at her purple hair, before she saw the bludger about to hit her on her head. Tonks might not have been a professional Quidditch player, but her reflexes were fast, thanks to the Auror training that kept her sharp. In the limited time that she had to evaluate her options, she knew there was no way she could avoid collision, unless she did something drastic. With a surprising agility, she crossed her legs tightly and spun completely on the broom to hang upside down, missing the bludger by a hair.

With her body hanging from the broom, she saw movement again and directed her attention there. Hermione was walking towards them, her brown skin glowing under the golden sunlight of the near sunset, loose curly strands of hair getting on her face. When she finally reached the pitch, her hands kept pushing her hair behind her ears, in what Tonks recognized now as a nervous tic.

Still hanging upside down, Tonks was suddenly gripped with an urgency to do something, to fly higher, to do a pirouette in the air showing off her skills. She thought she probably looked silly hanging from her broom like that, and reincorporated herself with an embarrassed feeling in the pit of her stomach. Tonks was smart, and she knew that everyone currently playing were her friends, and she hadn’t felt the need to show off before, she hadn’t felt embarrassed by her maneuvers. The sudden string of emotions started the moment _this_ particular friend appeared.

“ _This is getting ridiculous._ ” Tonks whispered to herself, and turned to look if the rest had noticed the arrival. George had thankfully charmed the bludger so it wouldn’t start violently hitting everyone, and the rest seemed to be a bit surprised by Hermione, but happily waved back at her when she waved her hello. They all flew to the same place in the air, intent on agreeing to pause for a moment.

Within hearing distance, Ron suddenly spoke up. “Bollocks, what time is it? I was supposed to be ready by 6.”

“I think it’s still early, were you meeting with Hermione?” said a startled Ginny.

“Yes, sorry, it was a last minute sort of thing. I need to clean up and go.”

Ron started descending and landed near Hermione.

They stood awkwardly in front of each other for a few moments, their mouths moving, forming words that only they could hear. Ron pointed in the direction of the Burrow, his hand going to the back of his neck in an embarrassed gesture, and Hermione smiled, nodding and starting to walk next to him.

As they walked side by side, Tonks realized that Hermione probably was coming back from her parents’ house, and wondered if she would tell him about what was going on. With a confused frown, Tonks realized that Hermione hadn’t wanted to move the lunch date partly because of the awkwardness around Ron, but she hadn’t said anything about meeting up. Before she could examine that train of thought in more detail, she was snapped out of her thoughts by Ginny, who asked her to help her practice her passes for a while longer before the day ended.

Tonks tried her best, trying to leverage on the fluidity sensation of flying, but couldn’t shake off the distracted feeling all throughout the rest of the practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this covid thing is not hitting you guys too badly. Again, stay safe, we're living through some crazy times.


	6. Preparations

The next time they met, it was a week after seeing each other at The Burrow. They hadn’t been able to get together before because both of their schedules were hectic, and balancing their multiple adult responsibilities with their social outings was hard. Hermione had owled Tonks with some general details about the Healer’s appointment, letting Tonks know that it was a successful session, but other than that they both had been swamped with activities.

It’s not that she had expected more, because the process was a very personal one, and she wasn’t entitled to any details. But she still couldn’t shake off her low spirits at not knowing more about such an important event. Nevertheless, Tonks was anything if not a supportive friend, and Hermione was the one who had the reins in her hands when it came to her parents’ healing process. Tonks wouldn’t bring it up, until Hermione did. She wasn’t being petty, Tonks reasoned with herself multiple times, she was allowing Hermione the space to share what she wanted to share, with whoever she wanted to share it with.

If that train of thought had anything to do with Tonks feeling out of sorts over Hermione not mentioning anything about her meeting with Ron, or their run in at the Burrow (before or after it happened), it was definitely something that she tried to keep out of her mind. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand why Hermione might have felt uncomfortable at the supper, but the hurt that invaded Tonks at the secrecy and evasion of information was still very present. She wasn’t sure how to shrug it off, especially considering that she _did_ understand Hermione’s reservations, reason and emotion contradicting each other in an endless loop. In the end, she figured that if Hermione wanted to tell her about the process, about the meet up, or about anything else, she would. And so Tonks decided to try to move on and do her best to overlook the faint ache she felt inside her chest.

Even though life had been getting progressively busy as days passed, with Tonks having to get everything ready for her upcoming trip, they agreed to meet up and go to the movies, in almost like a last hurrah before Tonks was taken away for a few weeks and their schedules were thrown off their usual routine.

This time it was the fifth movie they went to, and by this point Tonks had completely forgotten about that conversation in her flat about snogging in obscured theater booths, so many things had happened since then that it seemed like it was long ago, just a distant conversation full of laughter and wine. A silly, innocent jumble of words over a drink.

Besides that French movie that had prompted Hermione’s despair about her parents, they hadn’t had any other incidents. This time round, they still chose the movie together, seeking to extend the lighter mood that had been following them lately, preferring to steer away from the heavier storylines.

They chose to go to one of the theaters they had visited before, and it was halfway through buying their tickets that Tonks had the starking realization that not only was she enjoying going to the movies very much, learning more and more about the muggle world, but that this newfound understanding could very well be useful for the coalition project. She was musing on the handiness of getting one of those frequent client cards, thinking about tickets’ discounts, five seconds away from asking Hermione if she knew how they worked and if they would work in any theater, when she remembered that it’d be at least 5 weeks before they could catch another movie. She was certain that Hermione would argue against the impracticality of getting something only for it to not be used for a month, so Tonks made a mental note to bring it up once she was back from Spain.

On that day, they had decided on a romantic comedy, and as they walked to their seats towards the center back of the theater, Tonks surreptitiously noticed two things: that the room was more crowded than what they were used to, and that the majority of the people sitting down were couples. It was easy to tell from the cuddling positions in their seats as they walked past them. When they finally located their row and walked to their designated seats, Tonks wondered suddenly if Hermione had gone to the movies with Ron a week ago.

It was a completely surprising and unwelcome thought, and she felt a flare of anger at her own irrational musings. What was she even doing, thinking shit like this, getting jealous over things that were none of her concern?

Even in the darkness, Hermione seemed to notice the frown that marred her features, or maybe it was the sudden deafening silence that encompassed their movements. Once they were fully seated, Hermione tentatively turned to her and asked her if anything was wrong.

Tonks had expected the question, she had, and yet she still felt a pang of burning guilt at the contradicting feelings inside of her. Hermione, her concerned friend who could tell with more and more precision lately when something was troubling Tonks, was looking at her with soft inquiring eyes. They were reaching dangerous waters, and Tonks feared she wouldn’t be able to hide her confusing crush for much longer. It seemed as if their proximity only exacerbated these affections, and made it grow to the point of losing control of even her own internal contemplations.

That thought had thrown Tonks back again into the turmoil of guilt for what she believed was betraying their friendship’s trust; the suddenness of it, its stabbing preciseness all the more treacherous. Her throat was dry, and her mouth felt pasty, so she couldn’t do anything more than shake her head.

“I hit myself on the entrance of the row, nothing out of the ordinary for me.” Tonks said flashing a slightly self deprecating smile at Hermione, juggling the popcorn and her drink into the slots of the seat as a distraction.

If Hermione didn’t exactly believe her excuse, she didn’t say. It was the first time that the movie had started without them making small talk, and Tonks wondered if Hermione was also aware of the tension, if her shoulders felt as stiff as hers, or if it was only for Tonks to suffer.

Another thought crossed Tonks’ mind, and although this one wasn’t exactly unwelcome, it still left a stinging echo in its wake. _Maybe having some distance between us won’t be so bad._

x

Eventually the gloom that had accumulated inside her chest started dissipating as the movie progressed. The movie was a regular feel-good story about finding love, and when Tonks heard Hermione laugh a few times, it gave Tonks the levity to put a pause on the tangle of emotions swirling in her body.

It seemed to Tonks that there were a lot of pauses when it came to Hermione.

The scene on the screen moved to the moment the protagonists met, and Hermione made a disapproving sound that made Tonks snap back into the present.

“But they just met, how can they be in love already!” A scandalized Hermione whispered.

Tonks couldn’t help the grin on her face, finding Hermione’s tone charming in its appalled sound.

“Do not underestimate the power of love!”

The rest of the movie transpired much in the same way, with Hermione’s horrified laughter at different parts of the movie ringing in her ears, and Tonks laughing along finding herself more entertained by Hermione’s affront to the histrionics on screen.

When the movie finally ended, it did with a big gesture of love, and the promise of a happily ever after ending, as romantic comedies usually do.

By the time they were walking out of the theater, Hermione finally spoke. “Judging by that movie, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.”

“What, you’ve never fallen in love with a complete stranger in the middle of a crowd, after looking into their eyes and soul for a total of five seconds?” Tonks said with a laugh, “My my, you haven’t lived young lady!”

They both laughed and started walking aimlessly together, up ahead was a small park and once it was visible, they crossed the street to walk around it, covered by the trees and foliage.

Hermione spoke again, picking up the conversation as if no time had passed between Hermione’s last comment and this one. “I just think it doesn’t work that way, people can’t just feel immediate love. Right?”

Tonks raised her eyebrows, as she walked next to Hermione, and thought about it for a second. “Love love? Nah, I don’t believe so, more like lust.”

“Exactly! You don’t even know the person beyond what they look like, and isn’t a love based only on physical appearances so superficial?”

Tonks turned her face to the side and directed a mischievous smile at Hermione, waggling her eyebrows. “Well, it depends on what kind of love you’re talking about.”

“Every single time” murmured Hermione with amusement at Tonk’s big grin. “I don’t know, I know that the movie is hyperbolic for the sake of the storyline, but… it made me wonder, how does love feel?” Hermione asked.

Tonks frowned, confused. The sun had set a long time ago, and the park was illuminated by the park’s lanterns, casting them in yellowish light.

“Weren’t… weren’t you in love with Ron?”

“I think so, but I never seemed to be consumed by it, with the exception of when we were kids. And even then, so much was going on that… It didn’t make much sense to latch onto it, not until we completed what we needed to do. But isn’t that how love is supposed to feel like? An all consuming feeling of adoration? As if it’s physically painful to be apart, as if –like in the movie– you _had_ to run through an airport just to tell them you love them? Never mind being sensible enough to floo or call at a more convenient time.” Hermione huffed the last line, but as soon as she finished saying she deflated.

“Maybe I just overthink things too much, but it just doesn’t seem practical. Why would someone want to be consumed by feelings for someone? Wouldn’t that rob your agency?”

“I think it depends on the kind of love.”

“Tonks, you’ve said that phrase in response to me twice now.” said a laughing Hermione.

“Different contexts!” Tonks also laughed. “My bad, I need to be more eloquent with you. I just mean that there are some intense loves, but there are others that are more tame. Neither is better than the other, it really depends on who feels it and if it works for them.

You can love and feel something intensely, but if that intensity bothers you most of the time, then maybe it’s not a very compatible sort of love. Does that make sense?”

Hermione nodded. “It does, it sounds better than love at first sight. Were you in love with Remus?”

“Ooof, bringing out the heavy artillery. Let’s get a pint, I feel like this conversation would go great with one, don’t you think?” Tonks said with a pained grin. Hermione agreed and they stopped to look around, searching the area with their eyes. Across the street they could see a couple of businesses open, so they crossed the road and decided on a small pub that didn’t seem to be too crowded. Once inside, they had chosen a booth and ordered their drinks, when finally Tonks continued the conversation.

“To answer your question, yes, I did love him.” Tonks took a long gulp out of her pint, a few drops of beer escaping from the corner of her mouth. She grabbed a napkin and wiped her mouth. “The thing about the war is that everything felt so intense, so final. The work we did for the Order was tough. We didn’t know if we were going to be alive by the end of each mission, and we usually had separate assignments. We were both fighting and trying to survive all the time, and I think we clung to each other because of the safety our feelings provided. Something was stable instead of chaotic for once, and it felt good to have that one thing secure. But we didn’t have the space or the energy to nurse anything romantic for long.” Tonks paused and looked around the bar, for something to do. While the breakup had been amicable, it didn’t mean it wasn’t painful to relive it. “When the war ended, we tried, but… it didn’t feel right anymore, the conflict wore us out.”

Tonks shrugged her shoulders, and took another gulp. “We still love each other, but as friends.”

Hermione hmm’d, and narrowed her eyes in concentration, as if she was trying to make sense of the words that Tonks had just uttered. 

“But– shouldn’t war make love shine brighter? The uncertainty of the future bringing people closer instead of apart? Shouldn’t it have pulled you to be more intimate and in love?”

Tonks blinked, taken aback. She supposed it should’ve, yes, but it didn’t, and Hermione made sure to remind her of that. “Sorry, that was callous of me, it’s really none of my business.” Hermione said, her face contorted in a guilty grimace, as if fearing she had crossed a line. “I can’t make sense of this romance concept, and it frustrates me, though I shouldn’t be rude.”

“No no, it’s alright, you just caught me off guard.” Tonks sighed and really thought about it, “We did love each other. I was so afraid of him being hurt during his missions, during the battle– I was always so afraid of any of you getting hurt, that when we survived– we buried in the relief of, you know, not being dead. But then one day all of the afterglow ran out, and it wasn’t enough. Love didn’t seem so intense without imminent death looming over us.”

Tonks decided not to mention that many hadn’t survived, it didn’t feel like the day to have that conversation. They both went quiet, each musing over the words. 

“Like I said before, we loved each other, but our love was no longer compatible. And that was okay, it didn’t make what we had any less real, it just meant it wasn’t what we wanted _now_.”

Tonks chanced a glance at Hermione, and saw that she still had a look of deep concentration on her face, tinged with a bit of anguish. She wondered what she was thinking and feeling.

Not wanting to bring down the mood even more, Tonks tried to lift their spirits and said, “Love isn’t that exciting when it’s time to pay bills or decide who cooks that day.”

Hermione chuckled half heartedly, and took a sip of her own glass of wine. She grimaced at the taste, it wasn’t very good then. Tonks waited a minute, letting Hermione process, until at last she couldn’t help herself. “Is– is there something on your mind, Hermione?”

“Not really– well, I mean, yes– I feel silly, a romcom movie shouldn’t be triggering this somber thought process.” Hermione said waving her hand at herself in a self deprecating gesture.

“It seems to be our thing now. We need a better strategy for choosing movies.” Tonks smiles. “We seem to be unsafe even from the happy ones.”

Hermione grinned at her with amused brown eyes, and made a fake annoyed face at Tonks, who only clicked her tongue through a smile, in acceptance of Hermione’s annoyance. They both went quiet for a minute, content to just sip their drinks and look around the bar in contemplative silence.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been consumed by that type of love, and I honestly don’t know if I want it.” Hermione finally said quietly. “I loved Ron very much, but love didn’t seem to be enough to work through our conflicts. Sometimes I feel guilty, thinking that maybe I was supposed to try harder and overcome them? But we tried so hard, and we always reached the same results.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d do anything for Ron because I do love him. He’s my friend, and whatever happens between us won’t change the affection I feel, but I don’t feel like doing those things to get back together with him. And I can’t see myself feeling that way for anyone, does that make sense?”

“It does, it’s not silly to wonder about these things. Maybe you just need to figure out what kind of love is right for you.” Tonks said, and Hermione just nodded soberly.

“Is that why you broke up with Ron?” Tonks had an idea of why they had broken up, it was a topic of conversation in the early stages of their friendship, but with how affected Hermione looked now, it seemed to Tonks like there was more to it.

The moment Tonks finished her question, Hermione’s eyes snapped to Tonks’ face. She breathed in deeply, and released the air slowly through her nose. Hermione bit her lip, and Tonks felt drawn to the movement, following it with her eyes before averting them to the side.

“You know, it took me a long time to accept the hand I had in our demise. We broke up because of many things, but I definitely had my own share of faults. I was happy with him, for a little bit at least.” Hermione’s face looked sad, and Tonks felt her heart go out to her friend. “My mind was desperate to fix my parents up, to fix my mistakes. He tried so hard to make me feel better, he even suggested specific books and research.”

Hermione looked down, averting her eyes.

“But it just made me angry, I had already thought of everything he suggested and I was no closer to fixing things up. It wasn’t fair to him, I wasn’t fair to him, I took out my mistakes and frustrations on him.”

“Were they helpful?” 

“Hmm?”

“His suggestions… were they useful to you and your research?”

“No… Not completely. I know this makes me sound arrogant, but– I’m smart, I’ve always been a know-it-all, and I know it drives people mad, even those who love me– but a lot of the time it’s also frustrating for me because my mind runs faster each time and I can’t stop myself. Then I get irked at other people for not following. It’s a horrible standard to put on people. I'm working on it, it’s a work in progress.

His suggestions weren’t that helpful but he meant well, it’s not that he’s not smart either, because he is a very intelligent person. The situation was horrible, and I made the mistake of putting my stress on him. It just snowballed from there on. My standards were impossible to reach.

And I was so angry at myself for not thinking things through. Shouldn’t his intentions have been enough for me? It was as if I just couldn’t be satisfied, like he’d never meet my expectations.

He said so one day, so he stopped trying. And to be honest, I don’t blame him for it.”

“Hermione, people grow out of things all the time. Sometimes we grow out of people too, what made sense one day, suddenly doesn’t, and there is nothing wrong with that, we’re allowed to. I think you both were very mature to end it and to give each other enough time to get over it. And I think it’s good that you are now aware of these negative things, that way you can work through it at your pace. Make sure you don’t do that to other people.

You just gotta find the type of love that makes sense for you. Or not, because you know, strong independent woman. It’s about what feels right for you, and you might take a while to recognize it, but that’s alright.”

“Have you found your type of love?” Against her own will, Tonks’ eyes snapped to stare into Hermione’s, but looked away after a second.

There it was, the question Tonks had been dreading since they started the conversation. Tonks licked her lips and thought about it. Had she found it? Whatever her feelings for Hermione, a faint crush was not undying love, and she didn’t think it was fair to think about it in that light.

“Maybe one day when I finally understand all of my unconventional self, I’ll hopefully find someone who will find it adorable instead of annoying.” Tonks shrugged. “I’m still figuring things out, but I’m getting closer, I think.”

“You’re not _that_ weird, Tonks.” Hermione said.

“I said unconventional, but thank you.” Tonks laughed loudly. “Who knows, maybe Spaniards like my type of weird, I’ll be royalty in their land.”

Hermione gave Tonks a lopsided grin, and blinked slowly. “Yeah, maybe.”

xxxx

Tonks had been notified that the team was to leave via International Floo on the Wednesday prior to the seminar’s beginning week, to have enough time to get accomodated and familiar with their surroundings. In the end, she would be going with 8 more people from different Ministry departments, and they would be sharing accommodations according to however they were sorted by the organizing party.

In another ironic twist of life, Hermione’s third appointment with the Healer was scheduled for the same Wednesday, and Tonks had half a mind to talk directly to Healer Leong and tell him to stop scheduling on her agenda. So, Tonks did the only thing she could think of: she pushed back her leaving date until Thursday noon, just so she could be easy to reach on the day of the difficult session.

Hermione hadn’t said anything, but Tonks wanted to be available, since it was supposed to be the beginning of the actual exercises on Hermione’s parents.

She didn’t dwell too much on what it meant, and decided that she would’ve done the exact same thing for any of her friends. Besides, she was definitely not done packing, and she figured she could pass the day getting ready, and trying to empty out her fridge, so food wouldn’t go to waste. If Hermione didn’t reach out to her, then at least she would spend the day busy doing what she needed to do.

x

The enchanted travel bag she was going to use was still on her bed, half full and there were clothes strewn around it, packing only halfway done. She had gotten hungry and decided that focusing on the fridge for a bit was a good idea. The scarce sun rays from the outside filtered through the window in front of the sink, bouncing on Tonks’ face as she took things out to put them on the counter. Tonks was putting the items in a line, when she suddenly became aware of her trip, as if the idea hadn’t fully solidified in her head until now. She realized that she’d be meeting many new people and professionals, and she was gripped with a mix of panic and excitement over the interactions. From what she had been told, most of the people attending would be bilingual, and even if that failed, there were going to be expert wizard linguists available to help them cast translation charms. It was probably a good opportunity to improve her limited knowledge on Spanish.

She’d be able to change too, figure out something that would fit her better and present this version of herself to all these new people. Excitement overtook her for a second, and suddenly the process of cleaning and packing seemed lighter, knowing that at the end a small reward of sorts would occur. It’s not like she never had changed her features, hair or overall body, but to do it so blatantly, so out of the realm of what was expected? Well, it was new for Tonks. And what was more novel to her, was the action of being that way outside to the world.

It was one thing to change your hair color and make your nose different, but to skitter away from whatever idea people already had of Tonks, as if she was a fixed dot in space? That was absolutely terrifying. But with the exception of her teammates, no one would know _know_ her in Spain, so it was a blank canvas to explore.

Tonks was so taken by the idea, that she was almost able to ignore that hours had gone by, and Hermione hadn’t reached out. In the radio silence of her friend, she felt somewhat dim for having moved her travel date. She focused on the cleaning, and on cooking the eggs she had left with the odd vegetable laying around in the bottom of the fridge. She also had milk and cheese, so maybe an improvised frittata would do for late lunch. Not the worst thing for leftover food.

As she was in the middle of chopping the vegetables, she felt her wards give a signal and her fireplace roared up with the clear sign of a message, her fireplace only open for messages and not Floo transportation. Turning around, she saw a little piece of parchment floating in front of the mantle. Drying her hands on the kitchen rag, she walked over and opened it.

_Hey,_

_Are you home? Could I drop by?  
I can buy some lunch on the way from that deli you like. If you are, send me a message through floo, I’m at home._

_Hermione_

Despite having planned around this actual event, Tonks was surprised, but happy all the same. She went to the desk in the living room to locate a quill and parchment. She saw the piece of paper with the information from the girl from the coffee shop, she had taken it out of her jacket some weeks ago and never found the right motivation to reach out. Tonks moved it aside and kept looking for parchment, finally finding some, she tore a piece out and wrote back a quick reply to Hermione telling her to get something simple since she was cooking at home.

Hermione only took around twenty minutes to get to her flat, and she came with a brown paper bag with the light snacks as Tonks had requested.

“I hope you’re hungry, because I made an exotic frittata with my excellent fridge reservoir.”

Hermione moved to the kitchen and put the bag on the counter while looking at Tonks finish up the meal.

“I’m still in awe about your proficiency in cooking. Who would’ve thought?”

“Excuse you, an Auror must be prepared for anything.”

Hermione started setting up the plates on the table and unpacking the contents of the bag. She went to the fridge and opened it, noting that either Tonks actually had managed to do a fair job of cooking everything, or she hadn’t had much in the fridge in the first place. They settled into their seats in a comfortable silence only attainable to people who were used to eating with each other.

Once they started eating Hermione asked. “So when are you leaving? I thought you were scheduled for this week?”

“I was but there were some loose things that needed to be taken care of, so we had to push it back just a day. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll be going tomorrow at noon.”

Tonks didn’t want to say that it had been her who decided last minute to stay for an extra day, the moment she heard from Hermione that the appointment was going to be broaching some tough exercises. Tonks felt even more silly now that Hermione asked and she had to give her a half truth.

“Did you already pack?”

“I’m not finished yet, but almost. I’ll start again after this meal.”

“Will you be able to send owls?”

“I don’t see why not, this is not very public, but it’s not an undercover mission.”

“Will you be going as your regular self?”

“Well, technically, all of my versions are my regular self. You pay for one and you get 1,000, excellent deal if you ask me. They’re all me, in a way.”

“Hmm, do you have a preference for how you want to look?”

Tonks’ heartbeat sped up and she couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. She just knew that the question was too close to her own introspections, even if it was fueled by completely innocent curiosity. So she replied carefully, afraid of opening up the subject for more questions. “Sometimes I do, but I try to go by what feels more comfortable, until it doesn’t.”

“Like the changes you make sometimes?”

Tonks was at a loss, she honestly didn’t know why she was feeling so uncomfortable, she just knew that this was not a subject that she wanted to discuss now, when things were not so clear for her. Her stomach was heavy, and all she could think of was Hermione fixating on her changes and questioning more on the why.

“I– yes, I guess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosey, I was just curious.”

“It’s alright, it’s just– It’s been something on my mind lately, but I honestly can’t figure it out yet, so I don’t have good answers.” Tonks sighed. “Ask me again in a few months, hopefully I’ll have made some progress.”

Hermione nodded and let it go. They finished eating, and began the process of cleaning up. Since it was only a few dirty plates, Hermione started doing it the muggle way. At Tonks’ protests, she waved her away and told her that it was the least she could do after being fed. So Tonks grabbed a drying rag and decided to help out.

Both worked in silence, and the domesticity in their movements gave Tonks a rush of renewed affection for Hermione. Deciding to shake herself out of those thoughts, she asked Hermione what she had wanted to ask since she arrived.

“So… How was today’s session?”

“It was– a lot. Tough but good. They had to work through many exercises while Healer Leong worked magically on them. They were strong today, and did everything the Healer said, but ended up with a tension headache. He’s feeling positive, and I’m still cautious but… a bit positive too.

To celebrate, I took them to the Dim Sum place we went to last time. They loved the sticky rice dish.”

“Oh, the sticky rice there is great, excellent call.”

Both were engulfed in a comfortable silence, until Hermione broke it.

“You know, on the day of the second appointment my parents asked about Harry and Ron. I told them they were good but didn’t go into all the complexities of everything. I thought it was a good idea to meet up with Ron, to try to clear the air in preparation of… the future I guess.

I didn’t mean to blow you off on your celebration, I promise. I didn’t have any plans to do anything after the session, but when mum asked and remembered so much of what I’d told her about Harry and Ron, I just… I felt the need to get our issues sorted, in case they would like to meet with them. I made a decision in the moment and thought it was best to just… do it. I didn’t tell him everything, but I told him enough so he could be aware. 

In retrospect, I could’ve waited a few days at least. It was a rash decision.”

“Hermione, you really don’t have to explain.”

“But I do.” They were still standing in front of the sink, Hermione moved closer to her almost without noticing, but she didn’t touch Tonks; her eyes were big and worried. She eventually leaned back against the counter, her face turning towards Tonks. Tonks had just finished drying the last glass, and leaned on the counter with her hip, facing Hermione sideways, drying rag still in her hands.

Hermione opened her mouth but nothing came out, her tongue peeking out to wet her dry lips in an attempt to get them moving. 

“It was an important day, and I don’t think I would’ve been very happy if the roles were reversed and I saw you strolling around the place you said you couldn’t go to. I should have been there, or I should have given you a heads up at least.”

“Okay, I’ll admit it was… unpleasant, but I was mostly confused.”

“Understandably so. I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again, I’ll communicate better.”

Tonks looked at Hermione for a moment, her curly brown hair pulled up in a casual bun. Her eyes so eager, reflecting their apology that her mouth uttered, as if she could nudge Tonks to forgive her with her regretful stare. And Tonks amusedly realized that, while yes she had been hurt, Hermione had her reasons and she was now owning up to it, so it wasn’t very hard to let go of the heaviness she had been carrying inside since that day. Tonks felt her own eyes grow softer, as she allowed herself this moment to look at Hermione’s face.

Then Tonks' mouth curled into a smile. “That’s alright. No harm done.”

x

They were in Tonks’ room, having moved onto finishing packing. Or Tonks had, Hermione was just keeping her company while she decided on the last robes she would be taking.

They had been idly chit chatting about her trip, but now were quiet for a bit, content in their movements.

“You know, they met my parents once in one September before going off to Hogwarts,” Tonks turned around with a robe on a hanger, and the question must have been evident in her face because Hermione continued. “Harry and Ron, I mean. We were children, so the meeting was nothing very deep. This whole situation has made me –it sounds cliché–, but it’s made me realize that I want to be closer to my parents, more so than before. I almost lost them, I lost parts of them already, parts I won’t ever– They won’t ever get back.

We’re doing our best, and I _am_ hopeful. We might be able to improve some parts, but… I’d like to create new memories, not to substitute the losses, but to make the pain of them a little less acute. Is that silly?”

Tonks throat was very suddenly tight, and she had to cough once to clear her voice. “No, it’s not silly.” Tonks shook her head. “I think that’s lovely, Hermione.”

“Maybe… maybe you could even meet them, one day.” Hermione shrugged, and looked down for a second, then she furrowed her brow. “I know it’s different in the wizarding world, with the boarding school and being away from family most of the time. I always felt like everyone was used to it at Hogwarts, nobody seemed too attached to their families, and even I got caught up in summers at The Burrow, and suicidal missions to fight Voldemort. It could be a muggle thing to be so attached–”

Tonks gently cut off the nervous rambling. “Hermione, I’d love to meet them.” Tonks said. “I think it depends on the family, my family is tiny, but we’re close. Would you… could you tell me about them?”

Hermione’s eyes illuminated in surprise. “Really?”

“Really.”

Her smile was so bright and dazzling, Tonks actually went breathless for a second.

Hermione told Tonks about their trip to France, about her childhood, about the time before Hogwarts. Tonks tried to pay attention to what she was packing, but resigned herself to maybe have mismatched clothes. Nothing that couldn’t be transfigured, and for all this? It was worth the extra work.

x

It was nearing midnight when Tonks finished packing, mostly because she kept getting distracted by Hermione, but in a happy way. Hermione noticed the time with a start and began gathering her things. Tonks assured her that it was fine and that she’d leave around noon, but Hermione waved her off, claiming she still needed her rest. Tonks walked Hermione back to the door, where she slipped on her shoes and turned to face Tonks.

“I’ll owl you, but I know you’ll be busy so you don’t have to feel obligated to reply.”

“I’m sure I’ll manage to find the time.”

“You know, I’m gonna miss going to the movies with you, I’ve never been so caught up in muggle pop culture!”

“When did you become such a sweet talker?”

Hermione smiled, and moved in for a hug. “I’m seriously going to miss you.”

Hermione’s arms went around Tonks’ waist, and pulled her close. Tonks’ arms went around Hermione’s neck, indulging both in the giddiness the hug evoked, and the guilty feeling for taking something that was not offered in anything other than friendliness. Hermione tugged her closer and squeezed, making Tonks hyper aware of every dip and curve pressed against her.

And then Hermione’s head moved, and Tonks felt Hermione’s puffs of breaths near her ear. She tried to suppress the shiver that ran up her body, but didn’t think she was very successful. Tonks felt how Hermione rested her head on her, cheek to cheek and stood there for a moment. Tonks’ heart started beating so hard and fast, that she was sure Hermione could feel it. But she didn’t have time to be embarrassed about it, because even if Hermione couldn’t feel her shiver or her erratic heartbeat, she could definitely hear the quiet intake of breath from Tonks, when Hermione’s head moved to the side, dragging her nose from her ear to her cheek slowly. Hermione paused for a second, and Tonks only stood there, completely taken aback by the feel of Hermione so close to her. If she moved her face slightly to the side, she’d be able to brush her lips with Hermione’s. But she waited, afraid to move, afraid to do anything that would break the moment, and too dazzled to think properly. After long seconds, Hermione moved again and pressed her lips to her cheek. Tonks could feel a bit of roughness from her slightly chapped lips in the kiss pressed to her.

Hermione pulled back from the hug, but remained close, her arms loose around Tonks’ waist. “Have a safe trip.” And with one last look at Tonks, Hermione turned and left her flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got hit by 2020's terrible ammunition, so I might take a bit longer to update. It'll depend on energy levels, and recovery, but I'm also hoping to use this fic as a nice distraction.
> 
> Stay safe, and thank you for reading!


	7. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been... some very rough weeks. This story began as a way of healing, and now its purpose is even more fitting. The story is a nice anchor and distraction from these tough times.
> 
> I'm not Spanish, but I have been in Madrid, so I'll add references to the places described on the notes at the end, if you want to check them out and see what I pictured in my head.
> 
> Stay safe, and keep your loved ones safe.

Tonks stepped out of a fireplace that led to the foyer of Spain’s International Floo arrivals. The trip had been longer than the usual ones inside the country, but it couldn’t have lasted more than two minutes. She didn’t hate travelling via Floo, Tonks was an Auror afterall and she often had to make do with whatever transportation means were available, but international trips were never pleasant, either by Floo or Apparition. She took a couple of steps forward, dusting at her clothes and automatically scanning her surroundings with her eyes.

The foyer was a big, open space with fireplaces lining up three walls of the room, with minimal furniture, with the exception of a few chairs strategically located. There were other people there, located in different points of the huge area, in front of fireplaces. Some had signs, some were chatting with each other. They all seemed to be expecting someone to come through the flames.

Immediately to Tonks’ left, much closer than the rest of the people, was a person with dark brown hair and blue eyes, looking like he was in his early thirties. He was standing placidly, seemingly waiting for her going by the small sign he had in his hands that said ‘N. Tonks. UK rep.’, wearing a welcoming smile. His grin grew wider when his eyes zeroed in on Tonks’ casual hand movements, the gesture second nature to her now.

“Can’t never be too cautious, right?” The bloke said with a slight accent; he stepped forward just as Tonks finished her scan, extending his hand. “My name’s Borja Corbalán, I have been assigned to welcome your group and show you to your accommodations.”

From the security scans she performed, even on him, Tonks determined he was benign and that there were no immediate concerns for her safety. With that out of the way, she gave the bloke an embarrassed smile and shook his hand. “Bor- sorry mate, I’m sure this is very rude of me, but can you repeat your name again? I want to get it right.”

Borja laughed from his belly, his eyes crinkling, and it was a pleasant sound in its honesty. “Borja, the sound is a bit foreign for English speakers, so please don’t fret over it. It’s like a strong H.” He started walking, signaling Tonks to follow him. “I’ll be an assistant of sorts to your group during your stay.”

The floor was made out of wood, one of the walls didn’t have fireplaces but had big windows covering its expanse.Tonks had a sudden urge to go stand in front of one and look out, her curiosity over what she would be looking over very strong. She had never travelled to Spain so publicly, her previous excursions having been much more covert, which meant that her method of transportation before was unorthodox at best. She knew where the Floo offices would be located but had never been there before, and couldn’t help the longing look she threw at the windows when Borja walked in the opposite direction of them, heading for big double doors on the far end.

“That’s nice, I wasn’t notified about that. It’ll sure be helpful.”

As they reached the double doors, a hallway with at least 30 visible doors appeared to their right. Borja seemed to be walking with purpose, looking over all of them, trying to find a specific one.

“It was a last minute decision, the Spanish team thought that it’d be easier to have a local help you move around. Since most of the visitors don’t speak Spanish, we thought it’d be best if a few of us were assigned to function as tour guide/translator.”

“Are you from the city then?

“No, I’m from the south, but I’ve lived here for about 10 years, so I know how to get by.”

“I’ve been to a few places down south, lovely people, intense weather though.”

Borja laughed and threw an amused look at Tonks. “Yes, weather is always something English people bring up. So, you’ve been to this country before?”

“I didn’t have much time to explore though, I was here working. But it all seemed lovely.”

Borja slowed down to a stop in the middle of the seemingly endless hallway, and turned to her. “Say, how would you feel about walking? I was looking for the door that would take us straight away to the building you’ll be staying at, but it’s not very far from here.

And to be honest, if this is the first time you’ve been here properly, I feel personally responsible to show you the nice parts first.”

Tonks felt immediate excitement, she had an idea of her work schedule for the next three weeks, but wasn’t sure if she’d be able to fully explore the area. “Oh I’d love to, I didn’t know it was an option.”

“Yeah, as long as you’re okay with it.”

Borja gave her a big, toothy smile, his eyes crinkling in excitement. He turned to look around, mumbled something in Spanish, and walked a few doors back.

“Here we are, this door will take us to the street below.” He opened the door and gestured for Tonks to go first. She peered into the door for a second, and could faintly make out an illuminated hallway with some plants on the side, almost looking like a hotel, but the image was blurred out, slightly out of focus. She’d known of these transportation modes from working with Unspeakables, but they were not used in England much, so Tonks was surprised to see them here used for something so simple as getting from point A to point B.

Tonks walked through the door and didn’t feel anything weird. She now stood in a well lit hallway, the same blurry one that she had seen before.

“The building is shared by magical and muggle people, so the door takes you here and then it’s like a hallway for them, with a protective charm so they don’t come this way.” Borja said, standing next to her a few seconds later.

When they finally walked out the street, Tonks was first hit with the sound. They were looking at a big avenue, full of cars and people. Immediately across them there was a big park with a concrete fountain, she could hear the sound of water along with the honking and the conversations around her. Tonks took her time, and saw Borja’s face look a bit smug.

“This is one of the most well known avenues in the city, Gran Vía. And this park is called Plaza de España. Your accommodations are to our left, but still in downtown.”

Borja started walking to the pedestrian crossing on the left, and Tonks was suddenly thankful that she had decided to wear something neutral, because everything was very _muggle._

“We took your team directly to the flats, because it seemed easier then, bigger group and all. But I figured since we’re doing this, you might want to take the scenic road?”

Tonks nodded as a beeping sound from the pedestrian crossing machine started, and they followed the big crowd that had formed, crossing the street.

As if reading her thoughts, Borja spoke up. “This is mostly a muggle area, but extravagant robes barely make anyone blink.”

“I can see that,” Tonks said, eyeing everyone around her. The way people dressed was very different, much more free and colorful. London was a melting pot of cultures, always a mixture of comings and goings; but here in the middle of Spain’s capital, it seemed like people were seamlessly blending in together, in a flurry of bright colors, short shorts, and shaved off heads. For all her neutral clothes, Tonks’ hair was bright pink, and yet no one even looked her way.

Right before Tonks left, she toyed with the idea of changing her appearance ahead of her trip, but ultimately decided to stay the way she was. No one knew her there, but Tonks didn’t know what to expect either. At the time it seemed like a huge gamble to play on, without really knowing the nuances of the city. It was not like she was planning on huge changes, but to Tonks, tiny ones felt like statements of vulnerability, making them seem monumental.

They kept walking on the pavement along the main avenue, with Borja naming neighborhoods, areas, or just making food recommendations; Tonks tried to absorb everything at once, overtaken by all the stimuli. It was freeing, it was different, it was exciting. Tonks didn’t regret not changing, but she felt like the possibility was now closer, the perceived vulnerability less pointed.

She couldn’t wait to figure out if the feeling would remain with her throughout her stay.

xxxx

Every time Tonks would step out of the building they had been assigned to, she’d be taken aback by how different everything was. It wasn’t as if London was bland, the flurry of movement, noises and smells always constant; but the air here was distinct. People seemed to be less concerned about being polite for the sake of being polite. From Tonks’ experience, Londoners tended to balance out their population in two groups: overly polite or overly rude wankers. But Madrid was somewhere in the middle. People didn’t appear to care about stares or looks, because it seemed like they weren’t inclined to stare or look either. It felt like a pretty good deal to Tonks, and it made her feel invisible and irrelevant, in a refreshing way.

Tonks had travelled abroad before, she’d been in a number of countries ranging from Europe to Asia; she’d even visited South America once. In every new place that she had stepped foot in, she’d been in situations that were novel and different, but because of her work she had no choice but to adapt as quickly as possible. With the war over, most of Voldemort’s nexus to overseas groups had been severed, and Tonks hadn’t travelled much since then. She’d been focusing her efforts locally, truncating any organizational alliances to Death Eaters and sympathizers.

Logically Tonks knew that she was experiencing cultural shock, but this time she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset about it. Yes, everything was different, but she didn’t feel the hurried pull to rearrange and acclimatise. She felt common, even among muggles, and idly wondered if this would be the way that she’d eventually feel back in London, once the integration had completed favourably.

The first week went by very quickly, between settling in and adjusting to their new activities. The training was happening on a magical building near the one that she had arrived to and met Borja in. During the first three days the team had side-apparated with the guides, but Tonks had asked Borja for directions, so she could start walking there.

He had confirmed that it was only 15 walking minutes away, and offered to walk with her on the fourth day. By the sixth day, Tonks already had a route and would start walking earlier, just so she could take extra time to notice all the details around her.

After Saturday’s session, the group had been invited to a bar downtown by the local group. The rapport so far had been good, with everyone eager to learn both from other cultures, and learn about their processes.

It was terribly pedestrian, the way that they were approaching this, even though they were talking about curbing social disparities. Sessions passed, but on that day Tonks’ experience had been called to attention, and she hadn’t hesitated to succinctly describe it.

“Turns out, dismantling wars is mostly about following the money and the paper trail. Ironically, there is no magical solution, these wankers – excuse my Spanish –, they don’t materialise out of thin air, they always have someone financing them. You find their monetary front, you find them. Cut them off, and then it’s easier to bring them down. No money, no power.

Not a lot of swish and flicks, but a lot of pouring over stacks of paper. Not so fun, to be honest.”

It seemed to work, and whatever uncertainty existed between these different nationals, it vanished after it. It wasn’t that she had disclosed an unknown truth that the Spaniards didn’t know, but her frankness had managed to steal a few chuckles from them; suddenly reminding the group that their words were different, but they were saying the same thing even if in different languages.

The group walked to a magical neighborhood, located in the middle of muggle ones. They seemed to overlap constantly, one minute you’d be walking among muggles, and then after a few steps, you’d be surrounded by magical people. It felt like they weren’t so keen on separation, which was pretty ironic, considering the country’s rising troubles.

By the fourth round of beers, the heterogeneity of the group had diminished considerably. Work-related talk ceased, and then came the attempts of speaking the other person’s language. All in all, they were just like any other group around the city, a beer in their hand, the excitement of something new almost at their hands’ reach.

xxxx

It was in the beginning of the second week that Tonks received an owl from Hermione. Tonks had just come back from an afternoon stroll in some nearby gardens, when she noticed an owl perched on the window sill of her room.

As she made her way to the window, she recognized Hermione’s loopy scrawl, and she felt a flutter in her stomach. Tonks had tried hard to stop thinking about what had happened in her flat when they said goodbye, and it mostly worked. It was there, but it was something that Tonks didn’t really want to deal with, lest it cause longing for things that couldn’t be. Or worse, what if looking back on it she realized that she had imagined it? 

It was like a dam, keeping a tight barrier on her feelings, but it turned out to be temporary, only waiting for the inevitable pressure that would break it. Now Hermione’s letter was tangible evidence of the girl’s existence, a reminder of sorts, and Tonks’ mind flooded with the feelings that she had tried to avoid.

There were some complimentary owl treats on the desk of her designated room, that she immediately offered in exchange of the letter. Tonks hadn’t even opened up Hermione’s letter, and she was already breathless in anticipation.

In the past, her crush had taken her to day dream about soft looks and brushes of fingers, but she had never been bold enough to embark in fantasies that included an intimacy that revolved around lips and necks and hands. It wasn’t that she was trying to be respectful before and hadn’t thought about kissing Hermione, but it had always been an abstract concept, a fleeting thought that didn’t involve images of the two of them. Idle wonderment over intricate infatuation. It never occurred to her to think about it in detail, as if the lack of possibility of it ever happening didn’t allow her to explore those thoughts in her mind. Now though, with how Tonks knew the way Hermione’s body felt pressed against her, it seemed that a door had been opened, and Tonks couldn’t stop the barrage of mental images, leaving her breathless and flushed in exhilaration.

It was as if now that her brain had a point of reference, it latched onto the information and ran wild with it.

The letter was simple and friendly, and Tonks felt a wave of disappointment gather up in her tummy and extend to all her body, followed immediately by guilt for feeling that way.

_Hi Tonks!_

_How’s everything? I am absolutely certain that you are doing incredibly well. I ran into Shacklebolt in one of my Ministry trips, and he said that the feedback has been exceptional. That since the project is looking like a success, it’ll probably get extended and fully funded. Congratulations! I don’t know if you’ve been notified already, I tried to wait but honestly couldn’t help myself. I know how hard you’ve worked on this, you definitely deserve it._

_On another note, I got an idea from the last session with my parents, and started working on something. It’s nothing concrete yet, but I’m excited about it. I’ll tell you more once you come back, hopefully I’ll have something to show you by then._

_How’s the weather? I have never been to Spain, but I’ve heard from family that summers are blazing hot, but anything is when compared to England, isn’t it? Have you found great food? I expect reviews and descriptions once you get back._

_No need to reply, I’m sure you’re busy. All the best, I miss you!_

_Hermione G._

The disappointment was replaced by honest warmth, at imagining Hermione back in London, barely able to hold back on her congratulations and good wishes. The excitement and pride she’d felt, her fingers aching to write to Tonks until she couldn’t stand it any longer. Tonks missed her, it had only been a week; a week of relentless suppression of her feelings and thoughts. A week of distractions, and her own personal journey, a week of new sights. And yet, Tonks still missed Hermione a lot.

They didn’t even see each other every day in London, but as Tonks witnessed life in another country, her first impulse was to share her experience with Hermione. It was scary how deeply she had been affected by such a simple act of proximity, exacerbating her dormant crush.

The letter didn’t have any mentions of what had happened in Tonks’ flat, and it was very telling to Tonks that she had been expecting something. _Anything._

Her traitorous mind flashed back to their embrace, and the feeling of Hermione’s lips so close to hers. Perhaps Hermione had only paused on her way to releasing her. Perhaps Hermione had wanted to feel close in their friendship. Perhaps she thought about doing something and then regretted it. Tonks felt gutted at that thought, she couldn’t control what she felt over Hermione, but she never wanted her friend to feel like she had to do anything about it. Tonks had never been too good with subtlety or furtivity, she’d tried her best when it came to work related business, her missions’ successes sometimes dependent on covertness. But when it came to personal matters, it wasn’t that Tonks wanted to wear her heart on her sleeve, but her feelings would often get a head start on her rationality, making themselves known even before she even had time to process them. It wasn’t a far fetched idea that Hermione had noticed. If she had noticed Tonks’ erratic palpitations and trembling hands, then she might have felt like she needed to do something about it.

She missed Hermione, and Hermione either didn’t even realize what she had stirred inside of her, or didn’t want to acknowledge it. Neither option left Tonks feeling particularly joyous about her eventual return.

xxxx

By the end of the second week, they were paired up to work on an activity. The day’s speaker waved her wand and the names on the whiteboard rearranged themselves to form duos. Everyone started looking around for the name tags on other people’s chests, and the typical chaotic energy of reorganizing a space ensued.

Tonks saw the name L. Bascuñán next to hers and her eyes boggled a bit. She hoped this person would find her before she did because she had not a first clue on how to pronounce the letters. Her Spanish was mostly okay, but names were always a wild card. No matter how hard Tonks tried, she could never get them right, and it felt incredibly disrespectful to her to mispronounce something as personal as a name.

After a bit of looking around, a woman who looked around her age approached her, she had dusty blond hair and light brown eyes. When she reached Tonks, she grinned and pointed at Tonks’ tag and then at hers. “Hello, N. Tonks?”

Tonks laughed a bit at the gesture, recognizing it for the ice breaker it was. Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks could see other members of the England team blundering their way through their interactions. Spanish people didn’t seem excessively polite, but their social approach was certainly less awkward than theirs, and Tonks was thankful for it.

“The one and only, you are…”

“Lucía Bascuñán. Bas-cu-ñán.” She repeated slowly, not unkindly, just stating a fact. “Think of the sound as a mixture of ‘n’ and ‘i’ together. Bascu- _nian._ ”

“Aah, that’s actually quite helpful.” Tonks couldn’t help the embarrassed flush that spread through her cheeks. “Merlin, I’m so sorry, I keep butchering people’s names here.”

Lucía laughed and waved her apologies off. The speaker noticed almost everyone was paired up and ready, and began reciting instructions. They got ready, divided the work, and began.

A few minutes after organizing and beginning their activity, Lucía spoke up. 

“So, you’re _the_ Nymphadora Tonks.”

Tonks shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and shook her head. “Just Tonks.”

“Alright.” Lucía’s eyebrows raised a little, but otherwise agreed easily and moved on. “So, are you that Tonks then? Sorry, don’t mean to pry or be rude, it’s just that… Well, I heard about a few of your missions and they sounded a bit unreal.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear, I mostly spend my time hunched over my desk trying to discern patterns, like a crazy person.”

“Yeah, I heard what you said last week about the money trail. You’re right.” She paused, and leaned back a bit, weighing her words, looking like she was wondering how much she should share. “I’ve been working on this group for about a year now, they have ties to a muggle terrorist organization up north. They’re difficult to track, but I managed to catch a whiff on a few of their leaders based on a paper trail.” Lucía sighed, and resumed her work. “It took longer because I needed to access muggle records, and the bureaucracy was insane.

I wish the Ministerio would take muggle ties more seriously, and investigate them too. It’d be easier for everyone involved. But I guess that’s what we’re trying to accomplish here, right?”

“Huh, I’ve been getting the vibe that muggle and magical societies are pretty intertwined here.” Tonks frowned softly. “Even the neighborhoods overlap with each other.”

“Ah, yes, but this is the capital. And even here, it’s almost a given, it’s not distributed uniformly everywhere. People think that because we ‘look’ integrated, that nothing hateful can come out of this place.” Lucía leaned back fully on her chair and started moving her hands as she spoke, strands of hair getting in her face from the movement. “They don’t get that heinous acts are not always an intentional action on hatred, but a series of structural slights, until BAM– you’ve got fascist sympathizers enabling fascists executors.”

“You sound like a friend of mine.” Tonks said with a tiny smile and soft eyes, but then she sobered up quickly. “I know only a bit about what happened in the 40s-50s here, but enough to know it was bad, for muggle _and_ magical people alike. I’ve been involved in enough uprisings to agree with what you said, unfortunately it takes a while for people to understand though.”

“Yeah, I didn’t live through it, but my family did. It was longer than that… and it was– harsh. Even my parents were affected by the aftermath of it, because the structure was still in place, and it didn’t fully go away. It’s actually one of the reasons I went into law enforcement.

Kind of ironic considering that muggle or magical, law enforcement tends to be corrupt.” Lucía sighed loudly, and went back to her work. “Too late to choose to be a baker now.”

Tonks stared at this woman in surprise, and wondered what it was about her that made Lucía trust Tonks with this personal information she was sharing. Tonks felt fortunate for whatever reason Lucía had.

They continued to work in silence for a few minutes, until Tonks spoke up, deciding that Lucía had both initiated the conversation and allowed her to be privy to something personal. She could return the favor.

“I joined the Auror programme because I was scared. In school we heard about the Dark Lord and what had been brewing for a while.” It was Tonks’ turn to lean back in the chair, while she surveyed the room. “My dad’s a muggleborn, and even though he packs a punch in his hexes and can defend himself pretty well, I knew he was going to be targeted. And my mum… Well, we’re not exactly a favored family in the eyes of those people. I knew we’d be targeted, and possibly made an example of.”

Tonks turned to lock eyes with Lucía, who was staring back with understanding in her brown eyes. The color was close to Hermione’s eye color, but still a different shade, and Tonks felt a small pang of longing. She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “It was the fastest, most inclusive way of ensuring my family was safe.”

Lucía smiled in acquiescence, understanding the exchange of symbolic presents that had taken place between them. They continued their work in silence this time, until they were finished.

x  
  
“I’m gonna meet some friends after this, we’re going out for a beer. They’re not part of this activity, though.”

“Oh, that’s– that’d be–” Tonks made a confused face, her mind not catching up fully on if this was an invitation or a statement of a fact.

“We are a pretty eclectic crowd.” Lucía said, reading Tonks’ confusion. “I think you’d like them, and they’d probably like you too. So, want to join us?”

Not comprehending the connotation for eclectic in this context, but not one to miss out on a genuine invitation, Tonks smiled. “Eclectic sounds good to me.”

x  
  
They were at the bar already, the work day having finished early, allowing them to head to the place Lucía was meeting her friends in much earlier than what they had agreed on. It was a bar in another part of downtown, with tables and chairs scattered in front of the bar, right on a big walking street. The sun was still out, but its light was orange from the soon approaching sunset.

They both had a glass of beer in their hands, and were sitting at a table that allowed Tonks to have a beautiful view of a nearby square.

Lucía’s phone rang, and she picked up, speaking in clear Spanish to whoever was behind the other side. Tonks tried to not eavesdrop but it wasn’t like she could even understand the language. When the call finally ended, Tonks was very confused by the sounds.

“Wait, I’m confused, who’s coming again?”

“Just Xavi and Maite.”

“But– My spanish is not great, and I promise I wasn’t trying to listen in on your conversation, but why did the words sound… weird? There were extra ‘e’ sounds?”

“Coño, you’re right, your Spanish isn’t so bad then. My friend Xavi is non-binary, and uses neutral pronouns in Spanish, hence the ‘e’ you heard. Like, instead of saying ‘gracioso’ or ‘graciosa’, we’d say ‘elle es graciose’. ‘They are funny’ in English.” Lucía paused, thinking. “At least I think that’s how it is in English, but I could be wrong.”

Tonks blinked at Lucía, her mouth slightly open, trying to absorb all the information that had been thrown at her, but having a difficult time catching up. “Non…?”

“Binary, non-binary. As in outside the male, female binary. Basically Xavi is neither.”

Tonks felt slow, she genuinely felt as if her brain was not cooperating.

“I didn’t know that was a thing?”

“Is that a problem?” Lucía’s tone of voice suddenly was sharp, and Tonks turned to look at her, meeting Lucía’s cautious eyes.

Tonks blanched. “No no, of course it’s not, I’m just–” She put her hand on her neck, trying to cool down her flush, but her hands were clammy and warm. “I just didn’t know you could do that.”

The Spanish woman’s face softened.

“You can, it is an option.”

Tonks’ mind reeled with the information, she felt numb and like there were a million pins all over her skin. She swayed a bit in her chair, and tried to breathe slowly, getting her body under control. Tonks didn’t understand why she was having such a strong reaction to a seemingly innocuous conversation. She needed a minute.

“I need a minute.”

Tonks stood up and walked inside the bar, trying to locate the loo, but in her overwhelmed state couldn’t muster the question in Spanish and stood inside the bar for a moment, not knowing where to go. Lucía must have seen her struggle from the outside because she was suddenly next to her, guiding her towards the back.

The bathroom had two closed stalls and two sinks next to each other. It was thankfully empty, so Tonks went to one of the sinks and splashed cold water on her face, while Lucía stood next to the door, quietly observing her.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Tonks splashed more water on her face, cupping her cheeks with her now cold hands. “No, I just– I’m sorry, we barely know each other and I’m being a lot right now.”

“That’s alright. I don’t mind.” Lucía shrugged her shoulders and walked a bit closer to the sink next to where Tonks was bent over, but still allowed some space between them. “How can I help?”

Tonks breathed in and tried to get her racing thoughts under control. 

“Why did you invite me?”

“I think you’re attractive.”

Tonks' head snapped up in surprise, and turned her face for a second, before flushing and turning around again. “Oh.”

Lucía’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “You English people get flustered so easily. I also thought you were queer, but I wasn’t sure. It was a gamble, but it’s always difficult to find a crowd like this when you’re not invited.

I just wanted you to have a chance to meet similar people here. I’m sorry for assuming though.”

Tonks shook her head, the tips of her pink hair sticking to her forehead, wet from the water.

They were silent for a minute. “I’m not sure if I have a word for it.”

Lucía shrugged, but Tonks was still looking down the sink. “You don’t need to have one.”

“That easy, huh?”

“It shouldn’t have to be so complicated. Whatever works for you should be good enough for the rest of us. I won’t judge, and neither will my friends.”

Tonks straightened up, facing the mirror in front of her. She stared at her face for a few seconds, and then looked directly at Lucía’s face in the reflection, making eye contact with her. The loo’s blue light coated them with an eerie look, the blinking neon light pulsing in time with Tonks’ heartbeat.

Without breaking eye contact, Tonks let her jaw feel sharper, and her hair take a deep purple color, still keeping the shortness. Tonks furrowed her eyebrows and looked away from Lucía in concentration, making her hips narrow and her legs bulkier; her back slightly wider. Her hands were next, and she put them up at the sink’s level letting her fingers be rougher, but still long and elegant. It was a mish mash of all the things Tonks felt at the moment. Neither here nor there. Tonks didn’t have a name for it, but when she stared at her reflection she felt better, at peace.

She turned around, leaning back on the sink, still examining her hands. When she finally looked up, her friend’s mouth was slightly open in surprise, but she didn’t look offended, repulsed, or scared.

“What d’ya think?”

“This explains so many of the crazy stories.”

Suddenly feeling very light, Tonks laughed, and the sound bounced off on the walls.

“You look brilliant, Tonks.”

xxxx

  
  


It was mid week 3 that Tonks realized she’d gotten caught up in her activities and never replied to Hermione. She felt guilty about it, but Tonks also knew that all the things she wanted to tell Hermione were not going to fit in a letter. It had only been three weeks, but Tonks already had a catalogue of stories, places, and foods that she wanted to describe to Hermione in detail.

Tonks would be going back quite soon, and could just Floo mail Hermione as soon as she was back. So she resolved that writing would be counterproductive, and decided to wait.

After their outing in the previous week, Tonks and Lucía had started spending more time together; sometimes with Lucía’s friends, sometimes on their own. It was such an eye opening experience, that Tonks was very thankful for having been paired up with the blond on that activity.

The training’s last day was going to be on Saturday, and the UK’s representatives were scheduled to Floo back to London on Sunday noon. They had been notified about the extension and full funding of the project, just like Hermione had told Tonks on her letter. Once they were back in London, they’d be taking a week off of work, and then regrouping to figure out the next steps.

On Friday Lucía asked her if she had any plans on Saturday, after their final session.  
They agreed on meeting up in one of the main muggle Plazas, in the middle of downtown.

Tonks’ flat was only a few blocks away from the Plaza, so she was already familiar with it. Nevertheless, Tonks decided to leave earlier, always enjoying the strolls across the streets and their constant activity. She arrived at Plaza de Sol, and blended right in with all the tourists walking around. There was a mariachi band playing on the left side, and an urban percussionist on the right side, hitting on buckets to create a rhythm. As she walked past, captivated by all the vibrancy, Tonks felt the sudden need to show this to Hermione, knowing she’d appreciate the unpredictability and buoyancy of it.

She still had 15 mins or so until Lucía arrived, and so Tonks went to sit on the edge of a fountain that was in the middle of the plaza. She found an empty spot, next to a group of Japanese tourists, and sat down.

She watched people walk by, entertaining herself by trying to figure out who were magical and who were muggle. With how unconcerned people seemed to be about other people’s opinions, coupled with the many different fashion expressions they had, it was a very difficult task.

Eventually Lucía found her and sat down next to her. They were silent for some minutes, just enjoying their surroundings.

“So… a metamorphmagus, huh?”

For all the time they’d been spending together, they hadn’t addressed what had happened on that afternoon.

“What gave it away?”

Lucía snorted, and both of them chuckled after.

“It explains the more bizarre rumours around your missions. But... you’re pretty charming without it too.” Lucía leaned back, and turned her body to look at Tonks, the sun hitting her face, forcing her to scrunch her eyes, and put a hand on her forehead, shielding herself against the rays of sunshine. “I like you, you’re funny _and_ hot. But you seem like you’re still figuring stuff out, so I don’t know if I should give you space or insist... So, I’m asking you. What do you want?”

Tonks paused for a moment to consider this question. Lucía was so very direct, so very un-British. Even though they had been getting to know each other, her candour was still something that took Tonks by surprise every time.

Hermione’s suggestion to have fun came to her mind suddenly. Maybe she was right, and she should start dating again. Find a way to distract herself from a silly crush born out of closeness and admiration. And maybe it didn’t have to be so serious either, considering she was leaving the next day.

“I leave tomorrow. So how about we go out today and just have fun?”

The blond woman was biting her lip waiting for Tonks’ reply, but when she heard the words, she broke into a sincere smile. “I’d like that.”

“So, what did you mean by me figuring stuff out?”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, no te rayes.”

Tonks paused, and scrunched her face in confusion. “Don’t– scratch myself?”

Lucía laughed loudly, and it made Tonks flush with both embarrassment and pleasure at having made her laugh, even over a silly little thing. 

“You’re picking up Spanish faster now. It’s a manner of speech, it means ‘don’t get caught up in it’. What I meant is that I saw how you reacted to my friend Xavi. I don’t want to overstep, but… was it just curiosity?”

Tonks sighed and turned her attention to the people around them. She idly noticed people in costumes, and wondered what the muggle references were.

“I just didn’t know it was an option, you know? Kind of makes me think… What other options do I have that I’ve never heard about?”

Lucía smiled softly at Tonks.

“Let’s keep today simple. I’ll take you to the best kebab place I know, and maybe a movie?”

“Are you trying to get me into a dark, secluded place?”

The smirk was all Tonks needed in response, and yet Lucía still replied with a flirty shrug of a shoulder.

“Not trying to hide it, I cannot be judged for setting the mood and hoping for a few kisses.”  
x  
  
That afternoon they had the best kebab Tonks had ever tried before, then went to the movies to watch a film in Spanish without subtitles. Tonks was not the most subtle person, but this level of utter bluntness was refreshing.

They sat all the way to the back of the almost empty theater, and when Lucía’s gaze fell to her lips, Tonks’ first thought was to think of how Hermione’s eyes were a different shade of brown. Tonks mentally shook herself, and cupped the woman’s cheek with her left hand. Her thumb brushing Lucía’s bottom lip tentatively, until Tonks’ thoughts could only be occupied by this person in front of her.

They made out inside the theater like teenagers, furtively and incessantly. And for a moment Tonks didn’t remember anything else but the lips tugging on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had very clear views of these places because I lived in the area, but it's all up to you either way! I just wanted to provide some visual references, if you're into that sort of thing.
> 
> 1\. [Spain’s International Floo arrivals](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edificio_Espa%C3%B1a)  
> (This building was not in use for many years, so my first thought was 'Magical building'! lol)
> 
> 2\. [The first thing Tonks saw when exiting the building.](https://goo.gl/maps/pcoLcLYoeMCSSry56)
> 
> 3.[ Part of Gran Vía, as they walked along the avenue.](https://goo.gl/maps/Ju7jDweJUDBJ9M416)
> 
> 4\. [The bar they go to as a work group.](https://goo.gl/maps/AGAyof2Wy5RyZX4TA)
> 
> 5\. [The area of the bar where Tonks met with L and her friends](https://goo.gl/maps/tGtQgNmnxLYvYZXk9)  
> (which is incidentally the gay neighborhood)
> 
> 6\. [The fountain at the main plaza.](https://goo.gl/maps/otNY1f6QbMdqDu9p8)


	8. Substitution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might just be that Hermione's my favorite character since I was 11 years old, but I figured that such a kind, strong minded person needed to be raised by kind, strong minded parents. 
> 
> I've also been dealing with loss for a few weeks now, so this chapter is very dear to me. I hope you like it.

When Tonks finally walked into her flat in London, her first impulse was to write to Hermione and ask her if she was home, but she didn’t want to come off as very eager, so she waited. She _was_ eager, but there was no need for Hermione to know that. Tonks decided to unpack manually, to wait before she contacted her friend, and to give herself the time to process what had happened with Lucía.

Besides the kissing in the movie theater, nothing much had happened. They parted on good terms, and with the silent promise of seeing each other again in a couple of weeks. Tonks liked the Spaniard, she was smart and funny, but more importantly she had been kind to Tonks when she didn’t have to. Tonks had enjoyed all the time spent together, including the kisses, but she was also very aware that her infatuation with Hermione hadn’t magically disappeared just because she felt the stirrings of interest in someone else. The thrumming in her body at the mere idea of seeing Hermione soon was a sign that it wasn’t a switch that could be flipped and be done with. 

Tonks sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted, as she put clothes manually back into her closet. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to do with the switch. All she knew was that given their closeness, meeting was inevitable, thus Tonks figured she could allow herself a breather to at least reconcile her feelings.

In the end, the decision was taken from her hands, because an hour after her arrival, she felt her wards give the signal of a Floo message. She went to the fireplace and picked up the flying parchment.

_  
Hi! Are you home yet? I know yesterday was your last day in Spain, but I don’t know if you would be taking up extra days to stay there, or if you’d be back immediately after. I am meeting my parents for supper, but I can do dinner. How’s that sound?_

_I just realized that’s terribly presumptuous of me, I’m sorry, we can always meet on another occasion. Let me know if you’re back and if you want to meet?_

_Hermione G._

Tonks found Hermione’s habit of signing all her casual letters with a proper Hermione G incredibly endearing, and for a few seconds, Tonks indulged in her contentment. It felt so _good_ to know that she wasn’t the only one who was keen on meeting, regardless of the different nature of their motivations. Tonks went to her desk to write down a reply, confirming that she was back, and asking Hermione if she’d be okay with staying in tonight.

She walked to the fireplace and sent it, before turning around and heading back to her room to finish unpacking. They hadn’t even seen each other and Tonks was already vibrating with unshed energy, idly Tonks contemplated how she could reduce her strong responses to Hermione.

As she was about to reach the door to her room, she felt the wards again with a new message. Tonks stopped, surprised at the velocity of the reply, and walked back to read Hermione’s confirmation of the night’s plans.

In the middle of her living room, Tonks wondered if Hermione even knew what she was doing to her.

x  
“You tanned.”

Tonks laughed, because seriously of all the things Hermione could say, that was the first one she said as she stepped into her flat.

“Difficult not to when you’re this white and the sun is relentless.” Hermione removed her shoes, and walked to the kitchen table to drop the bag with their dinner she was carrying. As soon as the food was safely deposited on the table, Hermione turned and went to hug Tonks.

Tonks couldn’t help but tense up, bracing for the contact that she both craved and was cautious of. They had never been stiff and impersonal with each other, but the level of touchiness had definitely increased over the last few months, and Tonks was beginning to feel a convoluted sense of anxiety over it. Nevertheless, once Hermione’s arms closed around her waist, Tonks relaxed and hugged back.

Hermione stepped back and looked at her face carefully, this time keeping her distance, albeit a small one.

“It’s cute, you got a few freckles on your nose.” Tonks’ eyes criss crossed in her effort to see the freckles, and Hermione’s melodious laughter filled the moment. Hermione raised her right hand to face level, the pads of her fingers facing Tonks as they got closer, then stopped mid-air as if Hermione suddenly noticed what she was doing. She turned her hand, and pointed at her own nose and cheeks. “Right around here.”

Tonks was suddenly overwhelmed by something that she couldn’t name, and desperately needed to move on from this moment. It must have shown on her face, because Hermione took a step back and smiled at her.

“C’mon, I’m hungry, and I want to hear all about it. The work, the city, the _food_ , the people you met. All of it, spare me no details.” And just like that, the tension in Tonks’ stomach dissipated.

They settled on the table, and took out the food that Hermione had brought, intent on eating and conversing. Hermione easily went to get glasses from the cupboard and poured water on them, while Tonks got the plates ready. 

As they nibbled on their dinner, Tonks narrated her trip, from meeting Borja and having him show her around, to all the details over the next few weeks. She told Hermione of all the things she saw that Tonks thought she would’ve liked, the city being so similar and yet so different to London; all the places that Tonks had been enamoured with, the weird and the delicious meals that she’d tried. She talked about the people from the group, about Lucía and her friends, about how they had welcomed her easily to their outings, about the restaurants they’d gone to. She didn’t mention any details about the last day, mostly because it was still so recent.

She also skipped over the incident at the bar when she’d met Xavi, but Tonks made sure to remain neutral when speaking of them. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell Hermione, but Tonks didn’t even know if there was anything to tell. Not yet at least.

“I really like the vibe of the city. I know they have issues, but they’re trying to work on them, and… everywhere has issues.”

“I’m glad that you liked it. You make the place sound beautiful.”

“I think you’d love it, it has amazing kebabs.” Hermione smiled at her softly, and stayed quiet for a bit, focusing on eating the last of their dinner. They finished eating in a comfortable silence, and Tonks started piling up plates and the trash, cleaning up the table from her seat.

“So, my parents have been asking about you.”

Tonks’ eyebrows shot up, and she stopped what she was doing to stare at Hermione, leaning back into her seat, plates still in her hands. Her friend had her left leg on the chair, knee to her chest, and she was leaning lazily to the right on the seat.

“Oh?”

“They asked me how I knew of Healer Leong, and I told them you and your family had helped me get the information and referral.” Hermione tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, licked her lips and looked at Tonks. “They want to thank you with lunch.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not sure when you have to leave, but I know you’ll be going for a while, and I thought that maybe we could do something simple.” Hermione furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at the table, in a display of nervous uncertainty, before continuing in a rush. “I didn’t know if you’d have time later, and I know they will keep asking. It’s— it’s extremely casual, I promise, I have _emphasized_ this to them.”

Hermione took in a shaky breath, blinking rapidly, and Tonks fully realised how personal this invitation was.

“It’s mostly so they can put a face to the name. I’m sorry for the short notice, it’s just that— I didn’t know if you’d have time to come back, and they have been making such great progress. You can still say no, of course, I assure you I wouldn’t take it personally, I—”

At last, Tonks recovered her composure, pushing down the surprise at her friend’s words, interrupting her.

“Hermione, I’d be delighted to meet them. Seriously.” Tonks laughed lightly, nervously, her eyes wide in apprehension. “I mean, of course I’ll be nervous, but they’re your parents! I would _love_ to meet them!

Hermione heaved a big sigh of relief. “I was just very surprised because I didn’t know I came up in your talks.”

“Don’t be daft, of course I talk about you.” Hermione’s tone was a bit impatient, but softened immediately after. “You’re— We’re friends.”

Even if she tried, she couldn’t hold back the big excited smile that conveyed her joy. She was going to meet Hermione’s parents; she knew how private she was with her family, with everything that had happened, this was huge.

Tonks blinked, desperately trying to not to read too much into it for her own mental health.

“Okay, there’s too much riding on this first meeting, I cannot go on charm alone. Give me all the pointers, please.”

xxxx  
  
By the time Thursday came, Tonks was a ball of twitchiness, full of anxious energy. Rationally she knew that there was nothing to be afraid of, these were Hermione’s parents, but she wanted to make a first good impression with an urgency she wasn’t very familiar with. 

Tonks’ personality wasn’t necessarily a ‘fuck what the world thinks’, but mostly about being true to herself regardless of anything else. It’s what her parents had been about for so many years, inculcating the concept of authenticity well into her heart and mind from a young age. Following what she wanted was something that came naturally to her, and if it went against what people expected from her?

Well, that was their problem, not hers.

But now, as she made her way to the restaurant, Tonks was on edge, second guessing everything, from her hair to her clothes, even though Hermione had told her that her parents would be completely okay with anything. When she reached the restaurant’s door, she paused and tried to get herself under control. 

Hermione had told her that her parents chose this restaurant because it was a nice place, not quite too fancy, but not the kind to just get take out. Casual, it was a casual place, and this was a casual lunch. With one last deep breath before going inside, Tonks focused on enjoying the lunch and trying her best.

They were already sitting down, chatting with each other. Hermione looked happy and young, and Tonks filed away the image under things that needed to be on pause for this meeting. The moment Tonks started to walk through the tables, Hermione’s eyes found her, a big smile overtaking her face and waving her over.

Her parents also took notice and stood up, a picture of perfect politeness. When Tonks finally reached the table, her legs felt wobbly and she was breathless. As discreetly as possible, Tonks breathed in through her nose and exhaled slowly, not wanting anyone to notice how utterly nervous she was feeling.

Hermione’s parents stood next to the table, waiting for her arrival. Her mom was around Hermione’s height, with kind brown eyes, her skin a tawny brown that contrasted directly with a regal looking cobalt blue scarf, covering her hair loosely. Right next to her, Hermione’s dad was taller than Tonks, his hair short and curly, splatters of grey hair on his temples. His skin was darker than his wife, taking on a darker reddish brown, and with the glasses on top of his nose he looked very stern. They were looking sharp, and Tonks suddenly felt like a kid with scraped knees.

Thankfully both of them were wearing friendly smiles, helping most of the apprehension she felt evaporate. Tonks could tell they had beautiful white teeth, and the memory of a past conversation with Hermione served as a reminder that her parents were teeth doctors of some sort.

Shyly Tonks was the first to speak up. “Hi.”

“Mum, dad, this is my friend Tonks.”

Tonks took a step forward and extended her hand, first to Mrs. Granger, and then to Mr. Granger. Both of them had a firm grip, and smiled warmly at her. “Nymphadora Tonks, but I much prefer Tonks, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course, we’re very pleased to finally meet you, Tonks.” Mrs. Granger said sincerely and gestured at everyone to sit down. 

“Thank you, I’m happy to meet you too.”

“We were hoping for an opportunity to arise, so we could extend an invitation.” Mr. Granger spoke from his side, grabbing the napkin cloth in his plate and settling it distractedly on his lap. “Hermione told us you and your family were the ones who made the recommendation for the Healer. It made sense to at least acknowledge it and thank you for it.”

“My parents insisted.” Hermione whispered to her, loudly enough for everyone to hear. A faint flush covered her cheeks, and Tonks couldn’t help but think she looked pretty in her embarrassment. Tonks smiled at her, and turned back to her parents, a warm feeling in her stomach.

“There really was no need. I know Hermione would’ve done the same for me. For anyone she cared for.” Tonks shrugged easily. “But I do appreciate the gesture very much, especially because it grants me the opportunity of finally meeting you.”

She must have said the right thing, because Hermione’s parents looked at each other briefly and smiled more warmly at her. To her side, her friend discreetly squeezed her knee under the table in a sign of approval. Before Tonks’ mind could wrap around the intimate action, Hermione cleared her throat.

“So, have you ever had Persian food before?”

Tonks shook her head lightly. “Not that I can recall, no.”

“We used to come here often before Hermione started school at Hogwarts.” Mrs. Granger said, picking up her menu and perusing it, most likely out of something to do than actually needing to look at it. “The food is absolutely delicious.”

Tonks picked up the menu and looked at the options, but decided to concede both out of unknowingness and deference to the older couple. If they were regulars, they’d know better.

“Would you mind helping me choose? I trust your knowledge of the food here better than my attempts to guess.”

Hermione’s mom peered at her from behind the menu for a second too long, and allowed a grin across her features.

“We wouldn’t mind at all.”

x  
Conversation had been effortless and fluid, the Grangers’ banter easy to follow and enjoy, even as someone experiencing it for the first time. They had talked about general things: school, family, about the Granger’s occupation as dentists. Tonks was sure she was never going to forget the word and the hot embarrassment she felt when she had asked about them being teeth doctors. The Grangers, for all their poised politeness, were completely unable to stop themselves from bursting out in laughter, fully apologising a few moments later, attempting to catch their breath.

Even though Tonks’ ego was still (and would remain) bruised, it had helped to ease the last of tension surrounding them. Hermione’s whole demeanor was different too, and Tonks’ chest filled with affection for her, for allowing her to be a witness to her family dynamic.

It didn’t do any harm that the food, just like Mrs. Granger had said, was absolutely delicious. Tonks would definitely ask Hermione to come here with her on another occasion.

“So, how do your parents know Doctor Leong again, Tonks?” She was caught in the middle of a bite, and quickly ate, using her cloth to cover her mouth. 

“They went to school together with another Healer. Once, when I was visiting my family, my dad mentioned something about a group of Healers trying to incorporate non-magical practise into traditional magical methods. And when Hermione, uh...” Tonks paused, looking at Hermione for a second, who just gave her a tiny nod. “When Hermione told me what had happened, I made the connection and figured it was worth a shot to ask.”

“That’s very interesting.” Mrs. Granger supplied, taking a bite from her food. “We had our monthly appointment with him yesterday. I don’t know much about magical medicine, but he has clear concepts of non-magical one. He seems like a very knowledgeable professional. ”

Hermione nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, he’s been really thorough in his explanations every step of the way. We’re hoping to remain steady with the exercises and start seeing some concise improvement over the next few months.”

Mr. Granger, having just lowered his spoon after taking a bite of food, moved his head from side to side in an attempt to reply to Hermione’s statement, before he finished eating. “We’re— we’re feeling positive, but we don’t want to jump to any conclusions yet, in case progress becomes stunted.”

Hermione’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But you’re improving. The headaches’ intensity is lessening, and the other symptoms are being reduced by a good percentage.”

“We know, hun.” Mr. Granger said, putting his hand over Hermione’s on the table, in an attempt to placate her. “But I can also read between the lines. I know we’re making progress, but there is a lot that’s unsaid.”

He turned to Tonks to address her. “This is in no way a slight to you or your family. We’re very thankful for the opportunity to see this doctor.” Tonks shook her head, understanding their reservations on the process. If she was honest to herself, it was one of her fears too; that the damage could be irreparable, and that attending consultations with Healer Leong had provided a fake sense of hope for them.

“Mr. Leong has been excellent, but we’ve noticed he’s cautious on the conclusions.” Mrs. Granger said this time, looking at Tonks with a serene smile, supporting her husband in his statement. “As he should be, but it also leaves an open space for answers, and… we can’t help but fill the silence with our own conclusions.”

A heavy silence inundated the table, chilling Tonks to the bones. The reality of the situation fully sinking in on her, with Hermione’s parents speaking of their understanding of them maybe never fully recovering. 

“If nothing else, I hope you can get the words back.” Hermione said in a hushed whisper, gaze fixed on the table, eyes glassy and pinched. “I know how important language is.”

“Hermione, hun, look at me.” Mr. Granger whispered back, warmth and affection coloring his voice. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table, covering his daughter’s hand with his. “The connection that I had with my father… I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that it’s gone. But I will still be who I am, my background won’t go away just because I don’t speak the language.

We will never fully understand the depth of the war that you had to fight your way through. So much of the magical world is.... Indecipherable for us, not necessarily because we can’t make sense of it, but because of the barriers that we can’t cross for being non-magical.

But you are alive, _we are alive_ , and I just wish I could have done more to protect you.”

Hermione had started to cry quietly, big tears sliding down her cheeks every time she blinked. Tonks noted some of the remnants of the tears were clinging to her eyelashes, and felt her throat constrict, her own eyes watering by the emotional display in front of her. She felt like this was a conversation that she shouldn’t be privy to, too personal for someone so far removed from Hermione’s family.

“We understand that it was out of our hands, of course, how could we not? But I need you to also realise that my skin color won't go away because I don’t speak the language. Neither will yours. This is something that will always be a part of us, a part of who we are. That’s enough connection for me, if it means I have my daughter safe and alive.”

Hermione released a sob, and without thinking anything of it, Tonks stretched her arm and grabbed Hermione’s free hand. Her own heart was clenching in pain, hurting for her friend, knowing that the words were both a balm and a scrape to her. Hermione squeezed her hand tightly, before releasing it and moving both of her hands to her eyes, trying to reign herself in.

“My love,” Hermione’s mom released a pained breath, looking at her daughter’s distraught form with sad eyes. “We taught you everything we knew, and hoped you could grow into someone who was loving and compassionate. We will always want to protect you and yet, you were the one who made sure we were safe. How could we ever be mad about that?

Do you understand this?”

Hermione nodded, still pressing her hands to her eyes, and wiping the tears away.

After some moments, Hermione laughed even as she was still sniffling. “Ugh, this was supposed to be light and casual.”

Mr. Granger turned to gaze at Tonks for a moment, noticing her slightly wet cheeks and visible anguish at seeing Hermione like that. He smiled softly at her, before leaning over and kissing Hermione’s temple. “I’m sure your friend doesn’t mind.”

When Hermione finally turned her red rimmed eyes at Tonks, she looked better, but her flushed face and slightly puffy eyes gave away her previous tears.

“You know, Tonks is actually helping with those barriers.” The Grangers turned to look at her, and Tonks felt herself flush, both pleased at Hermione’s indirect praise, and embarrassed at being put on the spot. “She’s working with the Ministry to create an international magical-non magical coalition.”

“Oh, but I thought you were on Law Enforcement, the magical one?”

“Officially I am, but… I kind of branched out.” Tonks was feeling self conscious, but she also figured this was a good way of bringing the conversation to safer topics. “There are too many structures in place relying on the wrong thing. The war didn’t help, but these structures existed before the conflict.

A skewed power dynamic should never be the foundation for any society, not if we want it to thrive. We have enough of those already, and unfortunately they cost a great deal to many of us. Made sense to get involved in the reform.”

With their interest piqued, the conversation then turned to her trip to Spain and the overall gist of the project, the Grangers asking questions trying to understand part of their daughter’s world better.

And under the tablecloth of their small square table, hidden away from the pair of eyes in front of them, Hermione’s hand found hers and held on tightly for as long as she could.


	9. Haze

“When are you leaving again?”

It was Saturday afternoon, only a couple of days after the lunch with Hermione’s parents, and her friend had asked Tonks to meet her at her own flat. Apparently she had started a tricky stage of a potion, and she needed to oversee the progress often, having to stir it every 2 hours. It made more sense to spend their time inside, and have their supper there while catching up. 

While Hermione checked on the potion, Tonks had gone to a small muggle Chinese restaurant nearby and got them takeout from the place. Not comfortable with the fame and recognition the war had brought to her, Hermione decided to live in a muggle neighborhood, a place quiet and away from the magical areas, but also easily accessible to her parents.

Tonks had only been in Hermione’s flat a handful of times, both of them usually gravitating to Tonks’ out of convenience, but she could get around the area enough to go pick up the food while Hermione tended to the potion. When Tonks came back, Hermione was just about done with the potion check up, and they had settled in the dining room with cartons scattered on top of the table.

“I need to swing by the Ministry on Monday.” Tonks said, as she stretched her arm to grab the fried rice carton and putting more in her bowl. “We were told that we’d have two weeks off before the second kickoff, but I got a memo from the Projects department yesterday saying that it’ll probably be three, since both sides need to refine some last minute details.”

Tonks spooned food from her bowl and took a bite.

“Have they asked you to get involved yet?” Tonks raised her left hand to cover her mouth as she asked the question. Hermione shook her head, and took a sip of water.

“Not yet, but I don’t think they’re going to ask me any time soon. I’m working on this batch of the potion, and the final sample is supposed to be at St. Mungos’ lab by the end of the month. I’m also still involved in the law revision for land property for magical creatures. That plus my parents’ process, I just don’t have the time.”

Tonks nodded in understanding, knowing that even if Hermione could squeeze in some of her time to participate in the project, it represented a big commitment, and her family definitely took priority. Everyone was doing their part, and Hermione was already doing a lot.

“I also reached out to the Education board. I actually wanted to talk to you about it, remember my letter, when I told you I had an idea?”

Tonks looked over at Hermione with interest and nodded to let her know she was listening.

“With everything that has happened with my parents, I thought that it’d be good to go over the limitations muggle parents have in regards to the wizarding world and Hogwarts specifically.

I don’t want to change the secrecy statute, outdated as it is—”

“Yet.”

Hermione smiled widely at Tonks.

“You know me too well. Yes, yet, we’ll hopefully get to at least go over that at some point. But for now I’d like to focus more on allowing families of muggleborns to be more involved in this world. I don’t think true integration will be possible unless we start making those reforms.

So, I feel like it’s time to make official what I do, and bring more people on board. A reform committee so to speak; a group of people that can evaluate structural changes that need to be revised, and decide on priority. This idea has been on my mind for a while, but our lunch with my parents… it just solidified it.

I already started working on the documentation proposal, and I’ll talk to Shacklebolt once I have a rough draft of everything.”

Hermione made a small pause, and rearranged herself in her chair. “So what do you think?”

“Wow. That’s bloody amazing, Hermione. I think it’s an excellent idea, an opportunity to formalise all the brilliant work you’ve done.” Hermione looked shy, but a small smile still made its way to her face. “Seriously, I’m so proud of you, you’ve contributed so much already, and now more people will be able to help out. _Brilliant!_ We need to celebrate! Do you have anything for a toast?”

Hermione laughed and made to stand up but Tonks told her to sit down and tell her where the bottle was. After Hermione’s instructions, Tonks came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She set the glasses on the table and poured the red liquid inside.

Tonks sat down and raised her glass in front of her.

“Cheers to making things better.” Tonks looked over at Hermione, a pleased smile on her face, and she wondered how she had been lucky enough to be close to her, to have her share her ideas with her, brilliant as they were. “Cheers to you too.”

x

An hour had passed and they had moved to the living room. They had continued discussing Hermione’s idea until she had to go check up on the potion again. Apparently after that check up, the potion could be left alone for the day, so when Hermione came back, she poured herself a glass of wine and they settled on the ends of the medium sized couch, facing each other. 

“So… tell me about this Lucía person.”

Tonks’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion, taken aback after having been pleasantly basking in the after eating glow, her eyes locking with Hermione’s.

“You mentioned her quite a lot, so I’m curious. How does she look like?”

“Uh, well, we became friends I guess.” Tonks scratched her neck awkwardly. “She’s blonde. Slightly shorter than me, but not by much. She has eyes and hands?”

Hermione laughed and Tonks paused, not really knowing what else to say. She took a sip of her wine and decided that this was her opening to share with her friend what had happened with the spaniard.

“I, er, I actually followed your advice. We went on an impromptu date towards the end of my trip.”

Hermione’s eyebrows shot up, and she looked surprised.

“Oh, _oh!_ ” She recovered quickly, and went on to continue. “That’s— that’s great! I’m glad you did.”

Tonks saw Hermione stretch over to the coffee table in front of her and grabbed her glass of wine. When she reincorporated, she drank from it, and turned back to face Tonks.

“What did you guys do?”

Tonks suddenly remembered snogging in a movie theater and blushed. Hermione raised her eyebrows again in surprise at her reaction.

“Will I hear sordid details?”

“Shut up, of course not. We just had a meal and talked.”

“Uh huh, talked.”

There was another pause, and Tonks debated on continuing, but finally relented. She wanted Hermione to know.

“She knows I’m a metamorphmagus too.” For some reason, it felt like a bigger deal than it was, and Tonks’ voice was hesitant.

“Oh, how did she find out? Did you have to mention it at one of the sessions?”

“No, I actually, er, I changed in front of her.”

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Like an accident?”

“No, uh, I made a few changes while I was there. And she witnessed them.”

A beat passed, with Hermione just blinking up at her, lips slightly parted in surprise.

Tonks knew rationally that she wasn’t hiding anything, because there was nothing to tell, but she still felt as if she had kept something a secret. Beyond the hair switches, uncontrolled changes while she was relaxed, or specific practical jokes in front of the Order, Tonks had never changed much in front of Hermione. It was one thing to change her hair color or make herself look funny for other people, but to change out of a sense of comfort felt much more personal, and she had usually reserved that for the privacy of her home. 

She wondered if maybe she should mention her unusual reaction to Lucía’s friend, but decided that it’d require too many explanations of things she didn’t really know the answer to yet. Hermione’s confusion was still evident on her face, but suddenly she flushed.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask something so private.”

Slow to understand Hermione’s embarrassment, Tonks just looked at her in confusion. _Why would it be private if Lucía saw me change?_

“What do you mea— OH, no no no, _nothing_ happened.” Tonks hurriedly replied, not fully comprehending what or how she would even change in a private situation, but frantic to correct whatever idea Hermione had in her head. “I mean we did kiss, but that was on another occasion.”

Hermione’s eyebrows rose even more, causing Tonks throat to make a noise in exasperation. The conversation was not going at all how she envisioned, and she decided to clarify things.

“What I mean to say, and let me start over, is that when I changed I did because I wanted to feel more comfortable. We were at a bar about to meet some of her friends, and I just realized that I could be more authentic? So I went for it, and she was there too.”

Hermione nodded absentmindedly. “I’m surprised, you’re usually quite careful with changing in front of new people. You don’t have to explain though.”

“It’s alright, I want to. It wasn’t a big thing, that was literally all that happened.”

In the large scale of things it hadn’t been a big deal, but with the context of how she had reacted to Xavi’s gender and pronouns, it felt more significant than what she was letting on. But the confusion over it hadn’t dissipated, and Tonks didn’t have any answers for herself or for anyone, so she kept the details quiet. Hermione released a long breath.

“So many things happened during this trip it seems.” Hermione laughed a quiet laugh, her eyes suddenly darting away from her, bouncing between the pictures in her house. “You went out. With Lucía. No wonder you brought her up a few times.”

“It was just food and a movie.” Tonks’ tone of voice was tentative, quiet. It seemed important for her to say this to Hermione, even though she didn’t need to explain anything. She wasn’t even down playing anything, it _had_ only been food, a movie, and some snogging.

“That’s great. I’m glad you did.” It struck Tonks as odd, that Hermione repeated the phrase twice, and suddenly felt self conscious. Maybe she was making Hermione feel uncomfortable with the conversation, but didn’t know how to navigate away from the awkwardness she was feeling.

“A movie.” Hermione said softly, her tone more a statement than a question, but Tonks still nodded. “Was it any good?”

Tonks flushed. “It was in Spanish, so I don’t really know.”

Hermione’s eyes roved over Tonks’ embarrassed face, until her eyes softened, and a small smile formed on her lips. She snorted gently, and playfully nudged Tonks’ knee with her socked toe.

“It’s about time.”

Tonks laughed, the tight rumpus in her stomach untwisting slightly, giving in to Hermione’s gentle smile, her hand going down to lightly squeeze Hermione’s toe.

“Shut up.”

xxxx

“You never told me about what your parents thought after our lunch.” Tonks and Hermione were walking after agreeing to meet up in a busy area, near one the tube’s exit for a line that went along Hermione’s flat. After running some errands at the Ministry, Tonks had apparated in a nearby secluded area and walked to the spot, waiting for Hermione by leaning back against the railing of the exit stairs.

In the midst of all her tasks, Tonks hadn’t had time to properly evaluate the conversation she had with Hermione. She had been too absorpt in the preparations for her new departure in a little bit over a week’s time, but now that she was mostly done, all that was left to do was pack up and wait for the date. 

As she had waited, the rail digging into her back, she couldn’t help to circle back to the lines exchanged last time they met, and the underlying tension that had inundated her. She was aware that she was a picture of aloofness with her bright colorful hair, leaning back casually, her eyes scanning her surroundings as she mentally went over the memory, trying to pinpoint the exact cause for her uncertainty.

But when she saw Hermione walk up the stairs in a casual yellow blouse that made her whole frame standout against the dreary grey light around, Tonks couldn’t help but be overtaken by the wishful thought that her friend had been surprised about her liaison for different reasons that simple camaraderie.

She had pushed down the thoughts, yet again, as they decided on getting fish and chips. Summer was nearing, and while the days had been a tad hotter, the sun seldom showed its tendrils of sunlight.

“My parents were very pleased with the overall lunch, and they loved you.” Hermione replied, as they waited at a corner, waiting for the walking man sign to appear on the other side of the road, announcing that they could continue walking. “My mom even wore her fancy scarf for the meal.”

“Oh yeah, I meant to ask about that, but it didn’t come up.”

“You can just ask.” Hermione said, beginning to walk as the beeping sound announced they could cross the street. They were heading to a place they had gone to before. “My mum’s family loosely grew up with a few Islam traditions, but it was mostly cultural. We’re non-practising, but she sometimes wears one on special occasions.”

Tonks took a moment to ponder over this, realising that Hermione’s parents not only had allowed her to be a witness to a significant moment between the family, but that her mom had trusted her with the knowledge of a part of her upbringing. She couldn’t help the smile that came to her face, at the Grangers’ warmth, at being able to be a part of their journey.

“That’s lovely. I’ll have to repay the gesture then, with another lunch.”

“I’m sure they’d love that.”

Once they reached their usual fish and chips place, Hermione ordered for them without even asking, Haddock for herself and Hake for Tonks. When Tonks tried to pay, Hermione beat her to it and insisted, with Tonks finally giving up and collecting their to-go orders. They walked to a nearby park to sit down on a bench, and once they reached it, glanced around to see if anyone was looking at them. Hermione quickly waved her hand to clean the bench, and Tonks did the same with a warming charm for their food.

The sun sometimes peeked out from behind the gray cloud tapestry, covering them both fleetingly in warm sunlight as they settled in. Both of them exchanged few words, focused on sharing the sauces and bites from their servings with each other, but mostly remained silent while they munched away.

“I’m going back in one more week. The programme will last for 4 months, so I’ll spend my summer cooking under the Spanish sun.” Tonks looked up to the sky, squinting at the blinding whiteness it reflected. “Wish me luck, I’ll surely die.”

“So, what will happen with Lucía?”

Tonks shrugged and stabbed a chip with her fork, submerging it in the sauce. “Well, we’ll see each other again once I’m back, but we didn’t really— it was very casual, so I’m not expecting anything beyond what happened.”

“Hmm.” Hearing Hermione’s sound, Tonks waited to see if she would elaborate, and when she didn’t she turned around and pointed at her with her fork.

“Hey, you were the one who suggested that I should have a little fun. Are you judging me?” Tonks said playfully affronted.

“I would never, Tonks. I merely hmm’ed.”

“Hmm.” Hermione laughed at Tonks’ silly pettiness, but still kept quiet.

“She’s really nice, but like I said, it was a very casual thing. A carefree moment, so to speak.”

“So, what did you guys do for your very casual date?”

It striked Tonks as an odd question, coupled with the tone of voice and the phrasing Hermione used, and figured that she _was_ being a little judgemental, even if she claimed she wasn’t.

For a second Tonks actually wondered if Hermione was jealous, and a rush of heat went to her face and neck at the thought of the girl next to her being possessive over her. But then again, if anything, Hermione was probably just feeling a bit left out and annoyed at knowing that even though she’d only known Lucía for a short time, she already knew things that were private to Tonks.

“C’mon, don’t make fun of me.” Tonks said with a serious look. If Hermione was feeling out of sorts over her casual fling, whatever the motivation, she didn’t want her to be mean about it.

“I’m not! I’m genuinely curious.”

“Okay. We just went to get kebabs and then we caught a movie downtown.”

“What? That’s hardly a date, that’s something that we do all the time!” Tonks knew that Hermione meant to say that as a way to emphasize how little effort she had put into her so-called date with Lucia, but her heart immediately picked up, beating faster. “By those standards, we’ve been going on dates this whole time!”

Tonks opened her mouth to reply, but then narrowed her eyes, still very confused over what to say back. She looked down at her food, noticing it was almost gone, so she ate the last few chips and crumpled the wrappings.

She thought about how she wanted to respond, but in the end decided to not filter herself. 

“Well you see, Hermione,” Tonks turned to her, putting the trash in the space between them so they wouldn’t forget it when they left. As she raised her head, she gave Hermione a pointed look, “there’s certainly _less_ kissing in our ‘dates’.”

Hermione’s eyes widened a tad, releasing a nervous laugh, and looking away. Before she turned, Tonks was able to catch the faint blush on her cheeks. _Huh, that’s new._

A few tense seconds passed, and when Hermione didn’t answer, Tonks moved on, shaking off the feeling that there was something she was missing from these interactions.

“It was all pretty out of the blue, we didn’t really plan much for it.”

Hermione was still eating in silence, and when she was done she crumpled the wrapping of her meal, and turned to put it next to Tonks’ trash. Looking around again to see if the coast was clear, Hermione turned to Tonks and instructed her to extend her hands. She then waved her hand and cast a silent cleansing charm on both of them, to get rid of the food grease on their fingers.

After a minute of just sitting down in quiet contemplation, looking at joggers and students walking with their backpacks, Hermione turned towards Tonks before speaking.

“So, what does a Tonks’ patented date entail then?”

Tonks' heart jumped again, and started beating in a steady rhythm, pumping blood to all of her extremities in a fast pace. There were too many ambiguous signals at the same time, and she had no idea what to do with the information. She recognized an opening when she saw one, but for all her wishful thinking and futile hope, she had never thought she’d be in this position.

Was it even intentional? Maybe Hermione wasn’t aware of how these things sounded.

Surely she wasn’t reading the situation wrong. Hermione _was_ being extra coy, careful with her words, but still projecting an air of teasing allure. Tonks’ crush had always made her hold back, even if she sometimes wanted to press further, but it didn’t mean that she didn’t know how to play along. 

Perhaps Hermione was being innocently playful, yet Tonks decided to probe into this unknown facet of their interactions. If her friend was just being silly, then there was no harm in being silly back.

“That depends.”

“Oh, on what?”

Tonks didn’t want to assume anything, she _could be_ misreading the situation, so she refused to acknowledge the fleeting twitch of hope inside her chest. Either way, Tonks licked her lips before replying, and she could swear that for a split second Hermione’s eyes followed the movement, before snapping away.

“On how we want the night to end.”

Tonks observed Hermione’s reaction attentively, her eyes inspecting Hermione’s features and movements, hoping to better understand what was going on. Her friend was no longer looking at her, and beyond the quiet intake of breath and her slightly glassy eyes, Hermione’s face and demeanor didn’t betray anything.

After a second of this, Tonks smiled wistfully to herself, convinced that Hermione had probably gotten in too deep into the playful nature of her comments, and with that probing phrase, had been on the receiving end of a bucket of cold water. Tonks’ suddenly intense words a reminder that she should stop, if she didn’t want to play along.

Another charged silence passed, and then Hermione turned to grab their trash, nudging Tonks’ leg with her foot to get her moving.

“C’mon, let’s go catch a movie.”

x

There was a movie theater nearby that they had visited on a previous occasion, so they walked to the place and selected a movie together. Tonks agreed with Hermione’s first movie choice, half because the poster did look interesting, and half because she was still distracted and baffled by their conversation.

The next function would start in twenty minutes, giving them enough time to head over to the candy store to buy sweets and a drink. By the time they were sitting down in the almost deserted room after getting their snacks, they still had 5 minutes to spare. There were other people scattered around the room, but it didn’t seem like it’d be a crowded event.

The lights were dimming, a sure sign that the movie was about to begin. Once they were surrounded by darkness, Hermione spoke up.

“Did the kiss happen during the movie or after?”

Tonks sighed, she knew she’d eventually get over her infatuation, that once she was over whatever she felt for Hermione these moments of tension would feel inconsequential, and not like she was standing on the edge of a precipice, both hoping to fall and weary of the imminent impact at the bottom. She only hoped that someday, years from now they would be able to sit down in a coffee shop, to talk and laugh about the past. And in a moment of brave honesty, Tonks would open up to Hermione and tell her: _You know, I used to have feelings for you a few years back._ Hermione would be both surprised and flattered, and they would laugh about the ludicrousness of the situation.

Tonks would have her closure, and they would both move on, crossing out the situation as an absurd moment in time. No ill feelings, no harm done, Tonks would come clean once the feelings she had for Hermione returned to be only platonic and chaste. But sitting down in the dark room of the theater with Hermione asking these questions, it felt like that moment was far away, and there was still a long way to go until it happened. For a second, she dramatically wondered if she’d ever be able to fully move on from the strong feelings she was consumed with more and more.

It had been the first time she had consciously considered her feelings as anything other than a transient crush, and Tonks suddenly felt as if the walls around her were suffocating.

“Hermione, can we please stop fixating over my pseudo love life?” She needed to stop whatever Hermione was playing at with her inquisitiveness.

Thankfully the previews began playing and whatever retort Hermione had in her lips died out with the noise of the movies to come for summer. Tonks felt on edge, and focused all of her attention on the screen, conscious of Hermione’s eyes boring on the side of her face.

Finally, Hermione got the message and turned to look at the screen too. No more words were exchanged for a while, and Tonks couldn’t tell if she had made a good or a bad choice.

x

It was a little bit past the middle of the movie when she noticed Hermione move restlessly in her seat. The movie was a harmless comedy, and Tonks racked her brain to think if something could have upset the woman next to her, but she came up with nothing.

The more time passed, the more apparent the shifting became. It wasn’t even very prominent at first, just Hermione switching positions every few minutes, but then she began drumming her fingers on the handles of the seats. Tonks stopped paying attention to the movie and out of the corner of her eye looked at Hermione shift forward in her seat, back tense, until she’d move back to rest on the seat fully. Her arms would cross, and uncross, moving to grasp at the handles, and then move her hands under her legs. 

She did this a few times, until an alarmed Tonks fully turned around to look at her friend in the darkness.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Tonks hand moved to grab Hermione’s wrist, and she could feel her erratic pulse. “Hermione, what’s going on? Did something happen?”

Without waiting for a reply Tonks straightened up and took out her wand, looking around while mumbling detection spells. She mentally cursed at herself for lowering her guard and allowing herself to be distracted. After her first round of spells, she didn’t find anything, but Hermione was still quiet.

Tonks turned to look at her with worried eyes, intent on asking what was the matter again. When she turned she saw Hermione looking at her anxiously, and Tonks came closer to her, now a bit frantic.

“What’s wrong?” She whispered to Hermione, the blueish light of the movie projecting over half of her face, the other covered in shadows.

No one moved for a second, until Hermione moved her body to come closer to Tonks, her face a breath away. There was a big commotion on the screen, loud noises were coming from the movie, indicating that something important to the plot was occurring, but Tonks was frozen in place.

Then Hermione moved even closer, her eyes wandering all over Tonks face, until she tilted her head slightly to the side, and pressed the tip of her nose lightly to her cheek, her lips brushing the corner of Tonks’ mouth very gently. The mixture of the leftover adrenaline she felt over thinking there was a threat nearby, plus the feeling of Hermione’s mouth on hers was too much for Tonks and she felt lightheaded. Unable to help herself, her eyes fluttered close and a soft sigh escaped her mouth, causing her lips to open up, putting more pressure onto the faint kiss.

“Oh.” Tonks felt dazed and slow, everything too faint and too intense at the same time.

Her mind finally catching up with what was going on, Tonks moved her head to the side and pressed her lips more firmly against Hermione’s. It was a chaste kiss, an innocent press of lips, and even when they started moving their lips against each others’, it remained bashful in nature. Hermione took Tonks’ lower lip between her own and lightly sucked on it, her free hand coming up to touch Tonks’ neck tentatively with her fingertips.

Tonks vaguely noticed that she was still holding her friend’s wrist, and with her free hand, grabbed Hermione’s forearm, making her put more pressure on the side of her neck and causing them both to press harder against their mouths. At Hermione’s quiet whimper, Tonks let go of the last strand of control she was holding onto, and opened her mouth, her tongue gently touching Hermione’s lips in a silent question.

When Hermione opened her mouth and brushed her tongue against her own, Tonks lost all ability to think and concentrated on just feeling. She wanted Hermione to feel the same fervor that was building up inside of her body, so she kissed her with everything that she was feeling, full of wonder and reverence.

Tonks moved both of her hands to cup Hermione’s jaw, and continued moving her mouth slowly in an exploratory kiss, wanting to memorize everything about this moment. From Hermione’s sounds, to her taste, to how she felt against her. One of her hands moved to the place behind her ear and scratched lightly at Hermione’s nape. The mewling sound that came out of Hermione’s mouth left Tonks breathless, causing her to press harder, their kisses becoming messier.

Hermione was clutching at her neck, desperately trying to keep Tonks in place, and her other hand moved down to softly touch her palm against her stomach. The sensation of Hermione’s hand made her gasp, and Hermione took advantage of the moment to suck on Tonks’ tongue. Everything was too much and not enough for Tonks, and she released a groan that caused the hand on her stomach to fist her clothes in an attempt to bring her closer. 

Tonks couldn’t believe she was kissing her, the sudden thought of it being a very vivid dream crossed her mind, but couldn’t afford to think of anything else but the woman in front of her.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this here,” Tonks gasped against her lips, but didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop.

“I thought you had a fantasy about this.”

Tonks couldn’t help the moan that escaped her mouth, it was most likely a combination of Hermione using the word ‘fantasy’ in that breathy voice, and the onslaught of her own mental images. She felt a warm heat in her abdomen, spreading to her legs and to her chest, engulfing her body, making her feel overheated in just a few seconds.

Without thinking, Tonks moved her mouth to Hermione’s neck and started pressing open mouthed kisses to all the available skin. Hermione moved her head to the side to give her more access, and clutched Tonks’ nape to bring her closer. Tonks abruptly felt dumb about her fantasy of kissing in the dark, convinced that being able to look at this woman in the light would’ve been better.

She could feel Hermione squirming against her, and intoxicated by the taste of her skin, Tonks bit down softly on her pulse point, then using her tongue to alleviate the sting. Hermione moaned loudly, and a moment later snapped her head back away from Tonks’ mouth, as if the moan had broken through the daze she had been in.

Both of them were breathing heavily, and even in the darkened room, Tonks could see the glassiness of Hermione’s brown eyes. She didn’t think she fared any better.

“Fuck.”

Tonks realised Hermione had been the one to utter the word, and she suddenly felt heavy with something. She moved back on her seat to stare forward at the screen, and noticed that the movie was almost over, going by the music. 

Her heart was pounding, and she could feel the signs of lust all over her body. She closed her eyes and willed her body to calm down.

“I— I need to use the loo.” Tonks nodded, but by the time she opened her eyes, Hermione was gone from her seat. Tonks didn’t follow her.

x

By the time the credits finally rolled at the end of the movie, Tonks was calmer, but Hermione hadn’t come back.

Once the lights came on, and it was clear that Hermione was not coming back, she stood up still covered in a haze of frenzied warmth. She was equally parts afraid of not seeing her friend outside, but also of finding her.

Following the rest of the viewers out, she blinked her eyes to get them accustomed to the bright lights, and looked around to find Hermione standing near the entrance of the loo, staring up at a poster.

When Tonks finally came close to her, she saw a slightly more composed Hermione, but her lips were swollen and her cheeks still held a flush. Tonks’ eyes zeroed in on her lips helplessly, knowing that it was her that had caused them to look like that.

“Beer?”

Hermione nodded, but didn’t say anything. Both started walking towards the exit of the theater, and in the direction of a bar that was just around the corner. They had gone to that bar before, and they had talked about work things, trivial things. Now, it seemed like whatever conversation was going to happen would be a loaded one.

Neither of them spoke, until they were seated at a booth inside the place, with their drinks in front of them. Tonks kept quiet, not knowing what to say. Hermione was the first to break the silence.

“I don’t know if I’m attracted to women.” Hermione’s voice was steady and quiet, it held no malice. It was merely a statement, but still Tonks winced, the remark too uncomfortable to process, for many reasons that Tonks wouldn’t even be able to articulate if asked to.

So she settled for nodding, drinking from her pint glass, her stomach already thick with dejectedness. She didn’t know the words that were coming, but she understood the message. Best to let it happen, and be done with it.

“I really, _really_ like being your friend.”

A muted, but sincere smile appeared on Tonks’ face. “I like being your friend too.”

“I don’t want to repeat my mistakes.” Hermione continued, a pained expression on her face. “My relationship with Ron, it’s… better, yes, but it’s still difficult. I don’t want to complicate things with you either. I really care for you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.

I don’t want to muddle things up, especially now that my parents are making progress. And they need stability.”

Tonks nodded again, dazed and sad, and a little bit heartbroken if she was honest. But she really cared about Hermione too, and she understood. It was too much, too confusing, too much effort to even make sense of it, especially at this time where everything else required so much of her attention, so much of her.

“Hey, it’s okay, we got caught up in the moment, yeah?” Tonks looked at Hermione, and extended her hand to touch Hermione’s briefly. Her brown eyes flashed with something charged, and Tonks removed her hand not wanting to further complicate things. “Just two friends sharing a moment, nothing more.”

It was Hermione’s turn to nod, and Tonks echoed what Hermione had said to her a few months earlier. “Nothing will change.”

They stared at each other for a second too long, Tonks’ mind powerless to resist revisiting the kisses, if only for a moment, before she shut the thought down.

They didn’t meet again before Tonks left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took 9 chapters to get some action!
> 
> I did say slow burn, lol. In my defense, if something happened before proper build up, it wouldn't have been believable, and you know it!
> 
> Thanks for the patience :)


	10. Pauses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: transitioning mention, gender discussion, vague dysphoria mention
> 
> After posting note: I posted without proof reading 1,000 times and made a bunch of mistakes, APOLOGIES. It's all been corrected now :)

_Hi Tonks,_

_It’s decided, the Ministry liked the idea of the reform committee. I will start working with the Education board directly, and will probably need to take a trip to Hogwarts soon to work directly with Headmistress McGonagall._

_Maybe I’ll even be able to take my parents for a visit to Hogwarts eventually, let them get acquainted with the place I spent so many of my formative years and events in._

_I wanted to let you know, because I probably won’t be able to write often. But most importantly, I wanted to thank you for your constant support, it’s been a decisive pillar in these new times. I am so grateful for it, and I thought you should know._

_I hope Spain is treating you well._

_Best,  
Hermione G._

The last lines were a bit smudged, as if Hermione had put too much pressure on the words before the ink dried. Tonks had read the letter at least five times since she’d gotten it a few days ago. When she had seen the loopy writing of her friend, she had breathed a sigh of relief and felt the tension leave her body. She had been consumed with thoughts of how their last day together would affect their relationship, ranging from mild discomfort to borderline catastrophic. Seeing Hermione’s letter, knowing she wrote to her (even if that day wasn’t mentioned), was a balm for the anxiety and fear that had been consuming Tonks for weeks.

No matter how bad things were, the gesture meant they would figure it out. Maybe not now, but the connection hadn’t been snuffed out, and Hermione reaching out was proof that affection still laced their interactions.

_Hermione,_

_I should probably say this more often, but I am incredibly proud of you. Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile the fact that you’re young, because you’ve done so much, gone through so much, accomplished so much. Please don’t read this with a condescending tone, because it’s anything but. So many people live until their old age without having much to show for it; yet your accolades will be reflected in the lives of so many._

_I am happy that the idea was well received, although I am not surprised in the least. It was a question of when, instead of if it would happen. You work so hard, you deserve to be seen._

Tonks paused, wondering if she was putting too much on the line, her affection too obvious. After a second, Tonks decided to not care. Romantic feelings or not, she was so proud of Hermione, and she wanted her to know. She should know.

_Focus on this project, focus on your parents; owl when and if you can. I’ll be cheering you on from this side of the Channel._

_All my best,  
Tonks_

_P.S. Sun is deadly, you will hardly recognize me._

x

It had been three weeks since their outing, two since Tonks arrived in Madrid and settled into her new routine, so similar to the last time that she had been there. After their talk at the bar, they had silently agreed to cut the night short, going their separate ways, with Tonks apparating back to her flat to lick her wounds in private. A few days later she had left for Madrid again, with an agenda full of activities to keep her mind occupied.

Life had gone on, and Tonks had decided to try to make the best of the situation, choosing to divert her thoughts from the gloom that had permeated her bones in the last week she’d been in London. 

Being occupied meant less time for idle musings, and the novelty of the city offered her solace from her wandering contemplations. It worked most of the time, although not always.

If Tonks had thought that the hug a few months ago had been the source of chaos inside of her, the phantom pressure of Hermione’s lips was now firmly etched in her mind, wrecking a havoc that Tonks didn’t know how to put a stop to. A culmination to the months of pining, both so sudden in its appearance, and so expected after all the months of quiet longing. She didn’t even know if she wanted them to stop, no matter how tender she felt the wound was.

Tonks would allow her mind to wander in the moments of quiet pauses, going back to the soft sighs coming from Hermione’s mouth, not knowing if she was thinking back to the memory or if she had constructed an intricate fantasy of their kiss, for all the times she had imagined it. After a few days in Spain, Tonks realized with heaviness that whatever conviction she’d had of platonic entanglement with Hermione, had completely gone away the moment that she was granted the opportunity to be close enough to taste her. With finality, Tonks accepted that her feelings had cemented themselves onto her, and that it’d be a long time before she’d be able to move on from them.

With only a kiss.

In moments of selfish weakness she would wish they would have gone further, that she could’ve had the possibility of imprinting Hermione fully into her mind. But Tonks would catch herself immediately after the thought, and feel shame at even thinking of it. If one kiss could unravel her mind, curling her thoughts and fogging up her feelings, anything else had the potential of destroying whatever was left from their friendship, and make Tonks lose herself to the longing. If she hadn’t indulged in moments of soft adoration, maybe they wouldn’t be facing this now.

Had she respected the limitations, they wouldn’t have entangled the signs and missed their exit. They could’ve stayed in a good, happy, healthy friendship. The aching intensity of this situation, whatever it was, felt anything but that. Even though Tonks knew that she couldn’t fault herself for her feelings, that they came to her as a progression of their intimacy, she couldn’t help but feel like Hermione’s rightful confusion was caused by her deceitfulness, always wanting more than what was offered. She knew it was irrational to mentally punish herself, and so Tonks tried her very best to understand this at an emotional level.

But then these quiet moments would sneak up on her and Tonks would find herself clinging to the feeling of Hermione’s lips on top of her own, the burning trail of her fingertips on her neck. The quiet gasps that had emanated from her mouth, the burning graze of her palm on her stomach. She’d be consumed by daydreams of them curling up into each other, close together, holding hands, sharing an intimacy that was not shared between friends.

They exchanged a few owls, but none of them remotely acknowledged what had happened. For all her rationale, Tonks still felt stupid for holding out a candle to Hermione, hoping she’d make a passing comment of it, but then again, Tonks didn’t write about it either, always skirting around other topics that pervaded their days.

The fourth week brought another owl, and its contents followed the same line of the previous ones. Tonks knew that silence in itself was a choice, and she understood the message, so she blew the candle for both of them.

It wasn’t like Tonks was refusing to tell Hermione her feelings, but what good would it serve, but to cause more pressure on them, on Hermione? At the bar, Hermione had hinted at her need for stability in these times, and Tonks understood the unspoken request in between the lines. There was no space for exploring, at least not now.

She did feel the pull, the craving for Hermione’s romantic affection. Tonks felt a desperate need to not let this moment go by her, to push until they could confront what had happened between them, to fiercely explore the possibility of what they were presented with. What if she didn’t do anything and Hermione dismissed what had happened and moved on?

What if Tonks let this opportunity go by?

But Tonks cared too much about her friend, and imposing wasn’t a possibility. Hermione was her own person, and she would respect her plea for steadiness, her feelings were her own to have and feel; Tonks didn’t want them to be the sole motivation for pursuit. If respecting Hermione’s petition meant this moment would be ephemeral, then Tonks would learn to deal with it.

After all, Tonks herself was still in the process of figuring herself out, and the yearning she felt for Hermione was something she was emotionally unprepared for.

As proof of that, Tonks circled back to the remark. A statement, a fact of life. _I don’t know if I’m attracted to women._ It had been borderline painful to hear, but Tonks couldn’t fault Hermione for it. How could she, if the girl had no idea what was going on inside her mind? Tonks’ thought process of herself had taken a private, almost forbidden quality, the ruminations flying around inside her head having never been spoken out loud. Hermione was no legilimens, so she didn’t know how deeply her statement affected Tonks, how it had finally made her confront the discomfort without any barriers.

And that was the thing, wasn’t it? What was she even, and why did it cause Tonks so much grief? Did she even have the right to choose? Could it even be a choice, or would she be forever stuck in the rails of what seemed like an immovable statement of herself?

As if it wasn’t enough, her physical fluidity added another layer of difficulty, complicating the differences of her body and the mental questioning she was facing.

If she found her answer, would it even make a difference to her? To others? 

_Would it make a difference to Hermione? Would it change the way that they— that she views me?_

Tonks felt as if for each question she pondered, three more would be born out of the first, making her dizzy, disorientated and without any clear understanding of where to begin. After such a long time of trying to understand herself better, Tonks always thought that she was walking towards freedom, but at the moment she felt the quest like a heavy weight on her chest, a condemnation instead of the end of her confinement. 

She was divided between wanting to probe and absorb all her new findings, finally having the possibility of naming the oddity she felt in her chest all her life; and terrified of putting yet another nail to the box she inhabited, another thing that would set her apart. Something else that could liberate her, but make her to be too much, too complicated, too different.

It seemed that the discomfort had accelerated ever since meeting Xavi, as if seeing a real person having the answers to their own questions had suddenly made time move faster, with finality and panic. And then Hermione’s comment had lifted the veil covering Tonks’ eyes, forcing her to viscerally react to being called a woman.

It had been a catalyst for a change that Tonks didn’t feel ready for. And so, too overwhelmed with emotions, she resolved to deal with them as they came, right now she had work to do.

x

Tonks focused on work, the main objective of her trip. The reconstruction didn’t have time to dilly dally in affairs of the heart or self reflection. What people needed was a rebuilt world, made into a safer, more just place.

In the large scheme of things, what place did her discomfort and pain take compared to what was still going on in the world at large?

When the group got assigned their part of the project, Tonks was put back to earth with a snap. It was a wake up call, how could she even feel heavy-hearted, when so much needed to be done, here in this city, and in many other places? It was her job, her choice even, to be a part of the reconstruction. To start building back what had been so eagerly destroyed for so many years. She had a duty, and she owed it to everyone else working so hard to reassemble a better society.

In a way, she understood Hermione’s reticence to explore whatever had happened between them, her need to put a pause on things, to not indulge in distractions. There was so much to do, and they both had their roles assigned. Priorities were set, and Tonks fully understood that anything else might need to take a backseat to what they were involved in.

So Tonks dedicated her energy to pour over documentation and statistics, reports over the consequences of decades of systemic devastation in the country. Both muggle and wizarding societies partaking in terrible acts of hatred and discrimination, making Tonks feel small and frustrated, both for the repercussions that were reflected in the lives of many vulnerable people, and for the hurt that didn’t have a place. Specially when faced with the terrible consequences of wars, conflicts, and discrimination.

And yet, she couldn’t help her feelings, her longing, her distress. So she settled for channeling the energy into what she was doing.

It was a bittersweet take on things. Tonks admired Hermione’s conviction and dedication, her drive to make right the wrongful things in the world. She’d honor their friendship by staying determined and focused on the task, instead of wishing for a conversation that was so obviously not what they needed right now.

They would eventually have it, Tonks was sure. But right now it could wait.

xxxx

It was a Thursday, and they were almost done with work. Lucía and Tonks had been working on a particularly grueling task that required hours of intense focus and investigation. The Spanish Ministry had allocated a venue that was an office space specifically available for everyone participating in the project. 

After finishing the most complicated part of their task, Tonks and Lucía stood up from the big table they had been working on, and stretched their numb limbs. Lucía walked the short distance to the kitchen counter they had available, and began to prepare some instant coffee, with Tonks trailing behind also in pursuit of a drink.

Tonks leaned back against the counter with a bottle of water, next to Lucía, and watched as she got her cup ready. A ding was heard from Lucía’s pocket and she fished out her phone, rapidly firing away a message back.

“Some friends are having a beer today after work. Want to come?”

“After today I’d like to relax for a bit, so sure.”

Tonks watched as Lucía poured hot water into her cup, adding coffee from a jar. She debated with herself for a second, unsure if she was overstepping or being rude, but in the end her need to know was more prominent than her politeness.

“Will… will Xavi be there?”

“Yeah, they will.” Lucía said affably, and then turned to look at Tonks pointedly. “You know, you can ask them questions about themselves if you want to.”

Tonks paused, a bit embarrassed at being called out so directly, even if she hadn’t really hidden the meaning of her inquiry. “Won’t it be rude of me? It seems something awfully personal to ask.”

Lucía’s hands stirred milk and sugar into her coffee cup while she pondered the question for a moment. “It really depends on who asks and how they ask.” She stole a glance at Tonks from the corner of her eye, as she took a sip from her cup. “I might be wrongly assuming here, but if it’s borne out of curiosity because you’re… exploring your own questions, then it’s alright to ask respectfully.”

Satisfied with her coffee, Lucía started moving back to the table, intent on finishing the last assignments of the day so they could be finally done. Tonks watched her take a few steps, and followed her some moments after.

They settled down on the table again, and Lucía carefully moved some documents to the side so she could put her cup of coffee down. Tonks waved her hand, and applied an anti-spilling charm just to avoid any accidents. Lucía smiled her thanks, and they arranged themselves to finish working.

“The problem only comes when people ask because they think of you as a spectacle, and I highly doubt this is the case. Besides, Xavi absolutely loves talking about their process. I love them to pieces, and I will always support them, but I’ve heard the story a million times. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to have a new audience to gasp and applaud at the appropriate times.”

Tonks smiled at the idea, looking forward to the afternoon. “I’ll be ready to clap then.”

x

When they arrived at the place, Lucía’s friends were already sitting down at the outside tables of the bar, a few of them smoking and chit chatting amongst each other. They waved hello, and Tonks felt a wave of gratitude when Lucía subtly directed her to sit next to where Xavi was, even if uncertainty still lurked beneath the surface.

Xavi was a tall person, with short dark brown curls that fell on top of their ears in messy waves. Their skin was mahogany brown, the features on their face both delicate and strong, directly contrasting with the colorful clothes they used. Xavi was the epitome of ambiguity, with soft curves and sturdy hands, painted nails and a mismatch of elements that on their own would not work, but as a whole, gave meaning to the person.

They had talked before, but this was the first time they were having a longer conversation. Lucía participated in the exchange at first, but she got swept up in another conversation happening around them sometime after, so Tonks and Xavi caught up with each other. After listening to Xavi relate to Tonks the trip they had taken to the south last weekend, Tonks decided to bite the bullet.

“So Xavi, could I… do you mind if I ask some questions? About you?”

“Sure, fire away, what do you want to know about my fabulous self?”

Tonks blinked, suddenly overheated, the back of her neck stiff. _I haven’t even asked anything, Merlin._

“Uh,” Tonks scrunched her eyebrows, involuntarily tensing her body. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “How did you… know that you were neither?”

Xavi’s left hand was closed around their glass of beer, as they tipped it back to have a drink. But when they heard the question, their hand twitched causing beer to dribble out of the corner of their mouth in surprise. Following Tonks’ lead, Xavi’s voice came hushed from behind the napkin they used to clean their mouth with.

“My gender, you mean?” Feeling her throat dry up, Tonks could merely nod in affirmation.

“Yeah, how did you figure it out?”

Xavi looked at Tonks for a few seconds, not accusingly, but just trying to gauge what was her angle. Tonks shifted in her seat, suddenly nervous of the answer, of what would come next. 

Xavi shrugged, their right hand coming up to accompany their left hand in cradling their glass of beer, almost empty now.

“I kind of always knew something was different, off.” Xavi drank the last bit of beer, before continuing. “But I didn’t have the words or the references to know why. I didn’t know it was even an option, or that other people existed. It felt to me like—”

Xavi interrupted themselves with a pensieve sigh, their eyes darting away from Tonks, taking in their surroundings.

“It felt like wearing a tight shoe.” They paused for dramatic effect, and Tonks couldn’t help the soft laugh that came out of her mouth, thankful for the comment that effectively broke some of the tension. Xavi smiled at her, and continued. “It’s definitely your shoe, it’s in your closet and you’ve worn it for different occasions. But it’s tight. Not completely unwearable, because your foot fits inside, but it’s uncomfortable and at some points downright painful.

But because it’s your shoe, you never really question it, and you have no reason to believe that other people’s shoes fit comfortably, so you just assume everyone wears their shoes the same way you do, but they’re better at managing the tightness.

Until someone else comes along, wearing lovely heels or boots, and you can see that they’re not in pain every time they walk or jog. I don’t know, I need to work on the second part of my metaphor, but you get my point.”

Tonks released a nervous laugh, finding what Xavi had said funny, but still feeling on edge about it. The waiter approached them and Xavi ordered another beer for each of them. They stayed in silence, listening to the lighthearted conversations around them, until the waiter came back with their orders. After the first gulp, Xavi broke the silence with a kind tone of voice.

“Are your shoes tight, Tonks?”

Tonks opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Her face must have done something akin to terror, because Xavi reached out and touched her wrist gently.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to answer that, you don’t need to know everything.” Tonks closed her eyes and nodded curtly, breathing in through her nose, willing herself to relax. When she opened her eyes again, Xavi took their hand back and leaned back on their seat. “The first time I met someone who was non-binary was in a party in Ibiza. After flirting for a while, we broke away from our respective group of friends and hooked up— _I know, shocking._ ”

Both of them laughed at Xavi’s candidness, and Tonks started feeling more calm, knowing that they were making an effort to ease her into all this information. She understood humor as a way to lessen harshness, and was very appreciative of what they were doing.

“They were muggle, and I was so intrigued that I asked too many questions. I’m so glad they thought it was cute and not invasive, because they ended up sharing with me their transitioning process.” Xavi’s face softened with a wistful smile. “They probably saw the signs in me, recognized some of the same struggles. It was eye opening, but extremely overwhelming. Hearing all this for the first time can cause anyone to feel distressed.”

Tonks nodded, making a self deprecating face, as if to say _it sure does_. After a beat, she thought back to what Xavi had just said. “Wait, transitioning?” 

Xavi licked their lips, and thought about their next words.

“Unsurprisingly, muggles are ahead of us in some respects. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of horrible people out there, but they have their methods of making the shoe fit, so to speak.” Xavi waved their hand, and paused again. “People sometimes decide to change their bodies. It’s not a requirement, but it can make someone feel more... _aligned_ to what they feel and see about themselves.”

When the last word left Xavi’s mouth, Tonks was gripped by sheer panic, making her feel as if the air was thick and heavy inside her lungs. Everything Xavi said applied to her in a way that was uncanny, it was like they were describing what had been going through her mind for so long. As if Xavi had had a first row seat to the mess of confusion Tonks had been living through recently.

Mistaking the cause of Tonks’ panic, Xavi spoke quietly, hoping to aminorate her anxiety.

“I changed a few things about myself, my body, my name. But I also have many friends that didn’t, it doesn’t make them any less valid or real.”

Tonks shook her head, the words stuck in her throat. The emotions cursing through her body were too difficult to identify, but over all of them she could feel the unmistaken sensation of having been found out, of being clocked. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, the vulnerability of it making her skin crawl, desperate to hide the parts of herself that she didn’t want others to see.

For a panicked second, she thought that if it was so easy for Xavi to say all these things and be so on the mark, then maybe everyone else knew about the discomfort she felt. Tonks shook her head and rationalized that this was Xavi’s journey, that they were sharing their experiences. Them being so similar to what she felt was more telling for her than anyone else, but it was still terrifying.

After a long pause, Tonks finally spoke up. “I can shift.”

Xavi made a questioning sound from the back of their throat, and Tonks plowed on.

“I’m a metamorphmagus, I’ve been shifting and changing since I was a kid.”

“ _Oh_ , that’s why you look different than last time, you lucky bastard.” Xavi spoke with an awed tone, their eyes roving all over her face, trying to pinpoint the changes. “I am so envious of you, I’m not even going to hide it.”

Xavi sobered up quickly, and looked at Tonks for a long time, an understanding look in their eyes.

“You know what might be helpful? Another metamorphmagus.” They smiled at Tonks wistfully. “It made a huge difference to me, when I finally met others who not only existed, but thrived.”

Tonks was by no means old, but at that moment, she felt like a young child, trying to make sense of the moment. Even though they both were around the same age, Xavi’s gentleness only exacerbated the feeling, but she was incredibly grateful for their kind consideration.

“We can also try to use neutral pronouns, if you want.” Xavi said softly. “If you don't like it, no harm done. We just stop.”

“Is that a— can we do that?”

“Absolutely, there is nothing wrong with exploring and seeing if it fits. Like trying a new shoe!” Xavi gave Tonks a big grin, and Tonks felt a rush of affection for them. They barely knew each other, and yet here they were sharing an intimate part of themselves not readily available for others. “Look, a friend of mine knows someone who’s non-binary and is a metamorphmagus, I’ll reach out to them. Let’s go out this weekend. 

No pressure to talk or anything, let’s have fun and if it comes up then, it’s up to you.”

Tonks thought about it, about all the implications. She allowed herself a moment to feel the fear in her body, the unsureness of what could come out of the encounter. She also thought about the moments where she had felt exactly like Xavi had described, off, lost in a way that couldn’t be explained by words. The dread for the future was real, fearing what would change for herself, and how others would treat her. But the factualness of moments she’d lived in the past, engraved into her mind full of aches and pains, was something that motivated her to push through this stagnation.

“I’d like that, the shoe and the partying.”

Both of them smiled at each other, Xavi’s dark eyes twinkling, understanding exactly what Tonks meant, their cheeks flushed in happiness. Tonks’ chest still felt constricted, but a levity that they hadn’t experienced took root next to it, an ironic duality that Tonks didn’t fail to notice. Tonks’ whole body released some of the tension they were feeling, and it felt slightly closer to the reprieve they were looking for.

“That’s settled then, this weekend we bring out our dancing shoes.”

xxxx

_Hermione,_

_Spain has been interesting; I am working hard, and learning so much. Sometimes I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done, fearing my contributions are miniscule. It’s a transient feeling, because I am reminded of the work everyone next to me is doing. Of all the efforts people are putting into change, both here and back home. Knowing how hard you work towards some semblance of equality motivates me to keep trying harder._

_I might meet another metamorphmagus this weekend. I am excited, we are so rare that I’ve barely met one or two in my lifetime, and it was only in passing. Many things have happened, and I cannot wait to tell you about them._

_I hope someday I can show you the wonderful corners of this city._

_Hugs, all my best,_

_Tonks_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently was made aware of a neat writing trick that made me type faster, so I hope I can publish something before Xmas. If not, Happy Holidays. Take care of your family in these scary, shitty times.


	11. Fiesta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, I hope you had a good few days. In these weird times, I find that busy days are too unpredictable. Boring, quiet days are my best days now.
> 
> I bring you another chapter of this story that started as a simple idea, and now is a whole monster with three heads about growth, gender, exploration, and (hopefully) healthy relationships. I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO KISS, HOW DID WE GET HERE.
> 
> **tw: drinking mention, smoking mention, sex mention**
> 
> Places mentioned in the story have their reference in the end notes.

“Where are we going again?” Tonks asked, standing in front of the closet, peering inside trying to choose something appropriate to wear. Xavi had managed to get in contact with their friends and they were all meeting up later in the night. The metamorphmagus had also confirmed, Xavi said, so Tonks was feeling a bit nervous, wanting to look good for the night.

“We’re going to a club with a terrace. What do you call those? Uhh, a rooftop.” Lucía’s distracted voice came from where she was lounging in Tonks’ bed. She was on her back at the end of the bed, her phone in front of her face as she rapidly tapped away at the screen with her thumbs. “But if you’re asking so you know what to wear, don’t fret, just wear whatever you want. It’s a queer club, so people are less uptight about these things.”

She cursed in Spanish at her phone, complaining about points, and Tonks decided to follow her advice, looking for simple clothing. Once Tonks decided on something, they walked into the ensuite bathroom to change. Tonks was very happy that the two-bedroom flat that they had been assigned to share with another team member had a private bathroom for them both. If it had been a communal bathroom, Tonks would have been too tempted to magically change the layout of the place, even if it wasn’t allowed. As it was, the only areas that they shared with each other were the kitchen, the sitting room and the balcony. But besides the after work meetings with everyone, they seldom coincided, having made their own group of acquaintances and friends.

As Tonks closed the door to the bathroom, they heard Lucía’s loud voice. “We’re probably going to end up in the street at some point, so wear something comfortable.”

Tonks nodded, even if Lucía couldn’t see them, and started changing. They had chosen a long sleeve, light blue button up that was a slightly loose fit. The button up was matched with dark trousers, and a pair of navy blue shoes. Tonks had gone to have a few drinks with locals, but never a full blown party night, so they decided to add a cooling charm to their clothes, taking into consideration that the summer heat was prevalent even during the nighttime. As an afterthought, Tonks remembered Lucía mentioning walking, so they also added a cushiony charm to the shoes. Better to be prepared, in case they couldn’t do overt magic during the night.

When Tonks went back inside the room, they found Lucía lying on her back on Tonks’ bed, still playing a game on her phone. Tonks was taken aback for a second at the image of carefree peace Lucía emitted, but before they could decipher what it meant, the Spaniard noticed their return. Lucía turned off the phone’s screen and appraised Tonks’ outfit, making them a little self conscious.

“That’s a good outfit, you look good.” Lucía said with an approving smile. “So, are you nervous about tonight?”

“I am, but a good kind.” 

Tonks started moving to pick up the rest of their things, and Lucía stood up from the bed, moving towards the door before stopping.

“Alright. Look, before we head over there— I know you’re a grown up and can handle it. But this is a lot of information, and it’s all happening very fast.” She put her hand on the knob of the door, leaning her back on the wood behind her, with Tonks facing her a few steps in front of her. “If you need a break or to cut the night short, we can leave.”

“Okay.”

“And if you want to leave on your own, that’s also alright, okay?” Lucía emphasized with a pointed look. “No one will take it personally, and no one will think it rude.”

Tonks took a step closer, and smiled at Lucía. “I’m so lucky I got paired up with you that day.”  
With a playful grin, Lucía turned the knob and stepped aside to open the door. 

“Yeah, you did. I’m pretty decent.” She started moving out of the room, one last glance behind her shoulder. “So cherish me.”

x

They decided on the tube and took the green line for a few stops to the closest exit from where Xavi would meet them. It was a short distance, but Lucía said that it had been mostly to show Tonks the full experience.

Sure enough, the car they had ridden in had been full of people of all ages in different clothing styles, holding plastic bottles with a mixture of liquids inside of them, drinking from them unabashedly. Tonks was not new to people drinking in public in London, so it didn’t come off as a shock, but it did make for a very entertaining ride.

After they left the exit of the tube, they walked for a few blocks bypassing crowds of people in the street, until they finally reached a small square that was packed full with people sitting on the floor or on the benches. Groups of people formed around all the spaces of the square, some were small and some were bigger, with people talking and laughing loudly, either a cigarette or a glass with alcohol on their hands, sometimes both.

Tonks took a second to look around at the street, the buildings, and then at the people. Their clothes were bolder than those at the tube, and a flicker of recognition passed through their eyes. 

“I recognize this area, this is where we met Xavi the first time, right?” As if on cue, Xavi waved at them from across the street a few meters away, not giving Lucía a chance to confirm Tonks’ suspicions.

After the obligatory two kisses on each cheek in greeting, Xavi herded them to a spot at the square that wasn’t yet occupied, next to a big crowd of rambunctious people. Xavi sat on the backrest part of the bench, with Tonks and Lucía standing in front of them.

“We figured we’d give you the full Spanish partying experience.” Xavi said with their hands extended, as if to exemplify the point. They then moved a yelping Lucía to stand right in front of them, effectively blocking people out from seeing them, and stealthily took out a bottle of rum from their most likely enchanted, small sized bag. A small bag of ice, and a bottle of cola followed. “Bollocks, I forgot the drinking glasses.”

“We’re adults with a decent enough job to afford better quality liquor at a bar for pre-game, but where is the fun in that?” Lucía told Tonks with a laugh, looking around trying to locate a street vendor. “I’ll get the glasses, and the cigarettes. Be right back.“

“No cleaning charms allowed either. We sit on the ground on our arses like everyone else.” Xavi said, as they dropped the bag of ice on the floor, breaking it into smaller pieces. Lucía came back holding two packs of cigarettes and three plastic cups that were handed to Xavi. “You think you can handle it, or do we need something fancier?”

Tonks laughed happily at the good natured jab, suddenly feeling less anxious about the night. “Mate, it takes a lot more than some dirt on my arse to put me off.”

“Excellent!” Xavi and Lucía both laughed, as Xavi started putting ice inside the three cups, mixing the rum with cola to prepare their drinks. “You’ll fit right in with the crowd then.”

x

They had been at the square for a bit over an hour drinking, and chit chatting with each other. During that time other people joined them for a few moments in friendly conversation, or would ask them for cigarettes or ice.

A pleasant buzz enveloped Tonks’ body, not only from the alcohol, but because of the conversations happening around them, the feeling of being just another drinking body in the sea of unknowns freeing in a way that they couldn’t describe. After they finished the drink they had in their hand, all of them agreed on walking towards the club.

Groups of people were coming and going in all directions, and Tonks could hear different languages, and even English accents. Tonks recognized a few Welsh young kids making a loud scene of drunken delight, their accents noticeable through the slur of their words.

It was as if going out and having fun was what unified these heterogeneous throngs of people, so mismatched in the structure, but ultimately making sense. Finally they arrived at yet another square, this one with less people drinking there, but many passing through on their way to somewhere else. Xavi lit up a cigarette and motioned behind them to a tall, inconspicuous building.

“Is it a magical club?” Tonks asked, eyeing the structure, not being able to find anything that would give away its magical properties. It looked like a pretty normal office building.

“Majority of the building is used by muggle companies, but the rooftop is magical. Although muggles that know about magic can still attend.”

“Oh,” Tonks frowned for a second, thinking of how it’d work around the logistics. “Does the place not have a muggle repellent?”

Lucía stole Xavi’s cigarette from their hands and took a drag, before she took over the explaining. 

“It does, but the club implemented a device that can override it. It’s only given to muggles or squibs that come with other magical people.

For example, if you were muggle and you were our guest, you could go to the rooftop only with us, where the bouncer would give you a trinket. Once you have the trinket you can come and go as you please for that night, as long as you keep it with you.”

“Wow, that sounds like pretty advanced magic.” Tonks said, intrigued by how it worked, immediately thinking of how it’d be useful information for Hermione to have. They filed the data away in their mind for later, preferably for when Tonks could be fully sober. “I’m surprised the government here doesn’t worry so much about secrecy.”

Lucía and Xavi both barked a dull mirthless laugh. “As long as there is money involved, all is valid I guess.”

“But it is a good option for squibs or muggles who have close magical relatives.” Xavi continued. “This way people don’t have to choose one world or the other. I know more places are starting to do this too. Baby steps.” Xavi dropped the cigarette on the floor and stubbed it with their shoe.

“Alright let’s go inside.” They walked towards the entrance of the building, people around them, most likely muggles, didn’t notice the doors being opened. A small group of people were in the foyer, having just exited out of the elevator, and Tonks noticed them putting their wands back into their clothes before stepping outside into the street. The three of them walked inside the elevator, and pressed a button for the last floor. “So Tonks, most of the people in the group are queer or trans, or both, so we’ll introduce everyone by their names and pronouns, okay?”

“Uh, sure.”

“If it’s okay with you, let me introduce you first?” Tonks suddenly felt their hands get clammy in nervous excitement, and just nodded. Lucía grabbed Tonks’ hand and squeezed in silent support, only letting go when the ding announced their arrival to the rooftop.

x

True to their word, Xavi was the one who took charge of the situation and guided them to the spot where the group was hanging out at.

“Hey everyone, this is Tonks. They go by they/them.” A wave of hi’s and hello’s resounded, and Tonks waved back with a small smile. “They’re new, so be on your best behavior, please. We need to make a good impression on the English people.” A chorus of laughter echoed around, and Tonks felt themselves relax.

“You know me already, Lucía, 25, she/her, left handed, and likes a good mojito.” A few people rolled their eyes in friendly exasperation, but Tonks laughed a hearty laugh. The situation still made Tonks feel out of their depth, so for Lucía to make the exchange lighter with the joke made them feel seen in an indecipherable way.

Besides them, there were six people in the new group. No indication as to who the metamorphmagus was had been given, so Tonks looked around at their faces helplessly as they introduced themselves by name and pronouns.

The music was loud, but not so much that they had to shout, just enough that you had to lean in a bit when someone spoke. After everyone introduced themselves, conversation began, with everyone chiming in and talking at different turns. They included Tonks by asking about London, about what they liked about Madrid, about general things about them, but much to Tonks’ relief, they didn’t put them in the spotlight of the conversation much.

After around fifteen minutes of this, Tonks felt a hand on their shoulder that made them turn to look to the side. Lucía leaned over to ask them something over the sound of the music. “I’m gonna get a drink, what do you want?”

“I’ll come with you.”

They excused themselves and weaved through the groups of people until they got to the bar. Lucía leaned over it, trying to catch the bartender’s attention.

“Your friends are nice.” Tonks said next to Lucía, drumming their fingers on the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention. Lucía noticed and gave them a questioning look. “Sorry, I’m nervous, I don’t want to mess up. I’ve never been around so many queer— trans people.”

Lucía nodded. “Just be mindful of pronouns, and if you are unsure, just ask them again.” The bartender came and both of them ordered. Once the bartender had left to make their drinks, Lucía continued. “Xavi didn’t reveal much, but most of them know you’re new to all this, so they will be more understanding if you mess up. But still try not to.”

“Yes, of course.” Tonks paused. “Is everyone… trans?”

Lucía turned to Tonks and waggled her index finger at them, not unkindly.

“That is a prime example of something that could be considered a somewhat rude question.” Tonks immediately blanched, and opened their mouth to begin talking, but Lucía moved closer, her right hand softly landing on Tonks’ waist. Her voice was soft, no accusation in her tone. “There is no real way of knowing who is trans and who isn't, that's not based on stereotypes.”

Lucía kept her hand touching Tonks, and shrugged. “Anyone you meet really, you can’t tell.”

Tonks nodded, a small frown on their face. “I guess you’re right.”

A second later, the bartender served them their mojitos and Lucía paid up for both of them, reassuring a protesting Tonks that they could pay the next round. They sipped their drinks, no one making a move to return to the group.

“To answer your question, most of the group is either trans or likes to tell gender expectations to fuck off. There is a big overlap in those two.” Lucía took a sip with a small smile, and a quirk of her eyebrow. “We move in batches, it’s safer and definitely much more fun too. That way we don’t have to pretend to be someone we’re not with other people, just for appearances.

I’m one of the cis ones of the bunch, I am bi though, so I can still fit somehow.” Lucía said, and before Tonks could ask, she continued. “Cis is short for cisgender. I _really_ don’t want to dump all this information on you. But what it means is that when I was born the Healer took a look at baby-me and said, this is a girl. 

I did grow up to be a girl, lucky for the Healer, because otherwise his predictions would’ve been rubbish.”

“I had heard of the word trans before, but not that word.”

Tonks sighed, and rubbed at the place where eyebrow met the lid above their left eye, feeling as if the pressure of the whole night was on that spot.

“When I hear you guys talk about all these _things_ , they make sense, but at the same time it’s a lot of new words.”

Lucía paused, mulling over her words. She sipped on her mojito and grabbed Tonks hand, giving it a squeeze.

“It _is_ a lot, and it’s okay to not know these things. That’s why we have a community, to lend you the words, and to put faces to names.”

“Thank you.”

They both stayed quiet, looking around at the crowded place, the lights of the city shining back at them beyond the space they were in at the rooftop.

“If you actually think about it, gender it’s a very weird thing for adults to do. They are assuming a whole lot about a tiny person who can’t even feed themselves. Like, why don’t we wait until they can grow up, talk, clean their arses on their own, and then maybe have a conversation about it. It just seems very imposing. But you know, I’m surrounded by queer people, so it’s logical to me by this point.”

“I mean, when you say it like that, it does sound very weird.”

Lucía turned to the side to look at Tonks with soft eyes.

“Remember what I said before, you can take a breather whenever you want, okay?”

Tonks nodded, grateful for the reminder. “C’mon, let’s go back and enjoy the night.”

x

Turned out that the rooftop had only been a part of their night, and a little after 4 AM, the group decided to go to a well known plaza that still hosted an endless sea of drinking people. The group was walking to the plaza nearby, and while Tonks was no stranger to partying and drinking, they were confused by how the affluence of people in the streets didn’t seem to diminish.

“Merlin, what time do parties end here?”

“Mate, I thought English people knew how to party.”

Tonks looked at Lucía for help, but she shook her head from where she was walking next to Tonks, with a humorous smile. 

“Dónde fueres, haz lo que vieres.” Lucía loudly enunciated.

Tonks scrunched their face in pained confusion, too tipsy to even try to understand the Spanish phrase. “ _What does that mean?_ ”

One of the people from the group came close to Tonks and patted them on the back, laughing at their face.

“What it means is,” Her name was Natalia, she/they, if Tonks’ memory, hazy from the drinks they’d had throughout the night, could remember correctly. “Let’s get you a beer and find a nice crowded plaza to mingle.”

Tonks’ not so quiet groan earned them a round of laughter from the group, who seemed to take it as a personal goal to finish partying as late as possible.

x

The plaza was nice, Tonks had to admit. It had a magical aura to it, with historical temples in the middle of a big fountain. The water reflected the structure and the moon in an eerie, mystical glow. A strong contrast to the crowds of people still drinking and having fun, some were yelling in delighted glee, others were singing. There were even a few couples fighting in their drunken stupor, but it all made for a show difficult to ignore or forget.

Tonks no longer felt awkward or anxious about messing up, a pleasant fuzziness surrounding their body, the people around them friendly and funny. Tonks was happy to participate in the conversation, but mostly kept to themselves, listening and enjoying their interactions.

At one point, Natalia had asked Tonks if they knew the story of the shrine in front of them. At Tonks’ shake of their head, they waved at Tonks to follow them to the edge of the pool of water, for a closer look. As they got closer, Tonks was taken aback by how big the structure was, made more captivating by the night shadows and the artificial light below the structure. They stood by the edge of the water, laughter, singing and yelling in the background, as Natalia briefed Tonks on some of the history of the place.

When Natalia finished telling Tonks all she knew about the temple, they stood watching it in awed silence. After a few minutes, Tonks turned and eyed Natalia.

“You’re the metamorphmagus, aren’t you?”

Natalia turned to Tonks and gave them a big, toothy grin. “Sorry it took me so long to approach you, we were all having too much fun and I didn’t want to break our drunken giddiness with serious conversations.” Tonks laughed lightly, agreeing with her, the night had been fun.

“Xavi told me you had questions, about shifting, about gender.” Natalia said softly, turning back to look at the temple in front of them. “I might not know a lot, but I hope I can help.”

Tonks did have questions, but they hesitated, the question on the tip of their tongue. There was no way of phrasing what they were thinking, not nicely anyways.

“You’re non-binary, right?” Natalia nodded, and Tonks fell silent. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t know how to pose the question without sounding like a condescending arsehole.”

Natalia laughed loudly, mirth in her eyes as she turned to look at Tonks. She touched Tonks’ arm, in what seemed to be an attempt to put Tonks at ease. 

“I like that you’re honest, that’s nice.” She gave Tonks’ arm a small pat, before moving her hand back. “You mean because I look like a girl, right?”

Slightly panicked eyes looked back at Natalia, but Tonks nodded. That was exactly their question.

“Right, well,” Natalia shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant way. “This is just how I like to look, it doesn’t really change how I feel. I like pretty dresses and I like how I look in them, but that doesn’t make me a girl any more than a cis bloke wearing a dress is a girl. Does that make sense?”

“So clothes are…”

Again, Natalia shrugged, her right hand gesturing at her clothes in a casual way.

“Clothes are just clothes, they don’t need to be tied to anything. It doesn’t change who I am.” Without missing a beat, Xavi jumped in from behind them, a beer on their hands. 

“That’s very true, I’m still the same git regardless of if I’m wearing high heels or combat boots.” All three of them laughed, and Xavi apologized for the interruption, explaining that they came over to bum a cigarette off of Natalia. After Xavi left to join the group, cigarette in their hands, Natalia spoke up again.

“So how does it feel, Xavi said it’s only been a few days of the change of pronouns, but do you like them?”

“It feels weird, I sometimes forget to use the correct ones on myself.”

“Oh yeah, that happens a lot. I still use the wrong pronouns on myself from time to time. Most of the time it’s accidental, but sometimes I do it because I’m dying to tell a joke.” Even though the conversation was a heavy one, Tonks felt lighter, and they were unsure if it was the alcohol, or the way that Natalia, and everyone around them were so lighthearted about the whole thing. Tonks briefly wondered what their process would have been like if they hadn’t been so unapologetic about who they were.

“It takes a while to sink in, take your time, no one is rushing you.” Natalia continued, sobering up the conversation again. “Even if at some point you realize that the pronouns are not right, and you’re not really non-binary, it’s alright. There’s no harm in trying to understand yourself better. It will make sense one day.”

Tonks nodded, absorbing the information. “How do you define it?”

Natalia puffed up her cheeks, making a puffy sound. “Oof, it’s hard. I don’t. I sometimes feel better with certain body parts, sometimes neither. I am _really_ happy that I have the option of moving through different alternatives, but that’s me. I have heard of other metamorphmagus in the community who stick to one presentation. It’s really up to the person.”

Tonks remained quiet, and failed to see the mischievous smile that was painted on Natalia’s face.

“It does keep the bedroom activities interesting though.”

There was a lot that could be said about Tonks, but they didn’t think of themselves as prudish. And yet, a surprised gasp escaped their mouth at Natalia’s comment, much to her amused delight.

“What! Have you never shifted in—?”

“No!” Tonks could feel their neck and face getting hotter from embarrassment, both at the conversation and having spoken up so fast. “I’ve kept it mostly to everything else, but not _that_.”

Still grinning, Natalia was about to speak up when Tonks continued in a small voice.

“I’ve thought about it though.”

Whatever jest Natalia had had on the tip of her tongue, she decided against it and just nodded. “I get it, it’s alright to not be… 100% sure to try. Only if you feel comfortable, and if you don’t, then don’t. You don’t have to do or be anything you don’t want. This is about you.

What works for me might not work for you, and that’s alright because beyond gender, we’re two different people. The same way two blokes can be completely different and it doesn’t change the fact that they’re well, you know, _gits_.”

Tonks laughed again, the same fuzzy feeling inundating their body, a pleasant reminder that the night had been good. Natalia turned and sat down on the edge of the fountain, with Tonks following a few moments later. They both looked back at their group of friends, Lucía and Xavi eagerly looking back trying to gauge what was happening from their faces. Tonks smiled and wiggled their fingers at them, to put them at ease. A moment later, they turned back to the group and continued gesticulating and laughing.

“This is going to sound terribly cliché, but there is no wrong answer here. Your guide will have to be yourself, and how comfortable you feel with things. Everyone kind of starts the same way, and I mean, you’re already somewhat uncomfortable, right? Might as well try something to get out of that feeling.

Ugh, I probably didn’t help much. But you can owl me at any time, I know all this can get terribly complicated with all the terms and the options.”

“No no, it’s just a lot, but you did help a lot.” Tonks said quickly, overwhelmed by gratitude. “Thank you for this.”

Natalia waited patiently, keeping quiet, sensing that Tonks wasn’t yet done.

“What about… your partner.”

Natalia smiled gently, a look of soft adoration crossing her features. 

“They love me for me.” A happy, but thoughtful sigh escaped her lips. “When someone loves your person, your essence, who you are is another part of what they can love.

Do you have a person?”

Tonks’ drunken mind was flooded with images of Hermione, and it was both exhilarating and painful. But in the end, Tonks shook their head.

“Hmm,” Natalia murmured pensievely. “If that’s what you want, there are a lot of people who wouldn’t hesitate to love you fully, for who you are, whoever that is. And those who won’t? Well, that’s, quite honestly, _their_ fucking loss.”

xxxx

_Tonks,_

_I cannot wait for you to tell me what you’ve learned in Spain, all the things you’ve seen, all the food you’ve tried. I know you share tidbits of your daily life through these letters, but it’s not the same._

_I’ve been working non stop for a while now, and I am getting a bit tired, but we’re so close to a breakthrough that I can’t bring myself to take a rest. There is always something else to do, isn’t there?_

_My parents send their best, we had lunch a few days ago after the monthly meeting with H. L., and they asked me how you were. I, of course, didn’t hesitate in mentioning the strides you’re making from your side of the trench, and they reiterated to wanting to meet up again when you’re back._

_I have to confess that it’s been rough lately, their improvement hasn’t been as substantial as I’d hoped for, but I’m still positive. It was only a few months ago when I had almost given up hope, and then you guided me in a direction I didn’t even know existed. So I’ll keep holding on for longer._

_I hope you’re doing alright, keep exploring so you can tell me more about all these new places._

_Sending all my best to you,  
Hermione G.  
_

xxxx

A little bit over a week and a half had passed since their night of partying, and Tonks was still riding the high that the night had left them in. Nothing romantic or physical had happened between Lucía and Tonks, but with everything that had happened, it was impossible to not grow closer to each other.

Inevitably, Tonks’ process made them be in a constant state of questioning, hoping to grow and understand, and Lucía had been an important part of the process. A constant support that had allowed Tonks not only to begin to unravel the tendrils of their own knots, but to continue blooming everyday, even if the support came from quiet company only.

Tonks hadn’t really allowed themselves to think anything beyond what had happened the last time they’d been in Spain, because neither Tonks nor Lucía had suggested anything again. And Tonks had been so caught up with everything else, that they hadn’t pondered on it.

At the moment, they were at the same office they spent most of their time in, reading on the effects of terrorist attacks in specific parts of the country, looking to discern a way to link muggle supremacy to magical one, enough to create a compelling enough case to present to the muggle government in hopes resources could be allocated, allowing their project to have a comprehensive justification to focus on crucial integration efforts.

As Tonks read their fourth document on the numerous attacks and their effects in the community, they were overwhelmed by the despair that such heinous acts could exist.

For an irrational and naive moment, Tonks had believed defeating Voldemort could have been the turning point for a better, fairer society. But even in the hopeful haze of the reconstruction, Tonks had found devastation upon devastation. From small acts of passivity, to significant acts of pure hatred. It made their feeling of insignificance from a few weeks ago, return with vengeful force. Whatever discomfort they felt could surely be overlooked, put on hold, if it meant these terrible things didn’t happen again. Tonks’ attention should be fully dedicated to ensuring these acts didn’t have the space to fester and exploit to fruition.

With these feelings swirling all over their body, and their mind clouded by helplessness, Tonks made their thoughts loud enough for Lucía to hear.

“It really puts things into perspective, all this. Our— my pain and discomfort is so unimportant, compared to what these people have gone through.”

Lucía raised her eyes to look at Tonks, with a surprised look. She leaned back on her seat, taking her time to stretch her neck after being hunched over for so long, taking a sip from her bottle of water next to her. She looked at Tonks, sitting across from her, and after a long moment spoke up, her voice slightly scratchy from the long period of working without talking.

“There is no denying that some things might come easier for you. The same way I don’t struggle because of my skin color, but that doesn’t change the things that you do struggle with.

I see them as layers, they’re all different but real. It’s not a competition, and all of our layers hit us differently. So your pain is valid, and it’s okay to take up space.”

Tonks took a sharp breath, not expecting the words to affect them so much, wholly unprepared for what Lucía was saying. Lucía gave Tonks a soft, but pointed look.

“That’s why we’re rebuilding this world, aren’t we? For people to finally be free of whatever imposed shackles. This world is also for you Tonks, you also should be allowed to be who you are.”

Tonks blinked, taken aback and silenced by the utter certainty of the woman’s words. Unexpectedly, they felt a prickle of tears in their eyes, brought forth by the emotional response to the words. “So much wisdom shouldn’t be allowed in someone a year younger than me.”

A big grin appeared on her face, breaking the serious moment. Her body then moved in poised collectedness, and if it weren’t for the lip trapped between her teeth, Tonks would have gone as far as to call it aloofness.

“Hey, do you want to go out later? Go catch a movie?”

“Sure.” It took a second to register Lucía’s smile, and Tonks was suddenly reminded of why it might not be the best idea.

x

Summer days were longer, and the sun was still out by the time they met up for their afternoon plans. They had decided to meet in one of the squares near Tonks’ flat, as it was closer to downtown.

Even though Tonks did find Lucía attractive, and enjoyed their company a lot, Tonks was aware that having feelings for Hermione and pursuing someone else wasn’t exactly smart. So as they started walking to a busy area where the movie theater was, Tonks decided to bite the bullet and be honest with the person who had been an important part of their journey.

“Wait, before we go, could we talk?”

Lucía frowned confusedly, and Tonks thought she looked cute. For a second, Tonks felt a strong pang of longing, lamenting not being able to pursue Lucía, sad that everything was so tangled up inside of them.

“Oh boy. Everything okay?”

Tonks moved them both to the side of the walking street, and found a somewhat secluded area to talk, cursing themselves for not thinking ahead and having gone to a more private place.

“Look, I might be completely wrong here, but if this is a date of sorts.” Tonks struggled for words, unsure of how to continue. “I’m not in a good space right now, for anything, even if it’s casual. I know we haven’t talked, and you haven’t pressured me or anything. But it doesn’t seem fair, when I don’t feel okay enough to offer anything.”

It’s not like Tonks was saving themselves for Hermione, but they knew that starting any type of relationship, even a casual one, while their feelings were so new, so raw, and so present, it just wasn’t the best idea for anyone involved. Maybe once things had dulled, once they talked, Tonks could begin to move on and put it behind them, but it wasn’t the time for that yet. And it wasn’t fair for Lucía either, Tonks was too appreciative of the woman to toy around with her.

“That’s a big assumption of you,” Lucía said, frowning, arms coming up to cross against her body protectively. A second later, she sighed, and leaned her back against the building they were next to, a side smile forming on her face. “But you’re right, I did want to bring you to a movie for ulterior motives.”

“I’m sorry. I thought it’d be best if I said something straight away.”

Lucía nodded, a small frown still on her face, but less pronounced. “Now that the possibility of some fondling is off the table, let’s steer away from dark places and grab some food, alright?” She pushed off the wall, but Tonks didn’t move.

“Are we okay?” Lucía paused, still not looking at Tonks, but after a second she heaved a big sigh and turned to look at Tonks.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m disappointed, but it’s alright. I’m not in love with you.” Tonks wasn’t sure if it was a jab but either way they felt like it was warranted. “Thank you for acknowledging what you felt and telling me before it went further.”

“We can… we can still be friends, right?”

Lucía then turned to look at Tonks with a surprised, slightly affronted face.  
“Yeah, of course. I’m bummed out, but nothing I can’t get over with.” And with a more genuine smile, she continued. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily, you prat.”

x

“So, what’s their name?”

They were sitting down at the kebab place they had gone to before, waiting for their food to arrive.

“What do you mean?”

Lucía gave Tonks a knowing smile and an eyebrow raise. “C’mon Tonks. We’re not that old but at this age, we all come with baggage.”

Tonks was unable to rein in the groan coming from their throat. With a big sigh, they decided to come clean.

“Just someone. But she doesn’t— I’m not in the most stable place right now.”

“Does she know you like her?”

“No.”

“Do you want to tell her?”

Another groan left Tonks’ mouth at the interrogation.

“Merlin, it’s like being 15 years old again. Same drama.” muttered Lucía.

“Shut up. I know, okay?”

Their kebabs were delivered to the table, and they had to make a pause to get ready to eat. After the first bite, Lucía spoke up, a bit of white sauce clinging to the corner of her mouth.

“Look, I don’t know anything about your relationship with this person, but maybe you should tell her?” Lucía took another bite, and covered her mouth to continue talking. “If she doesn’t feel the same, then you can use this time apart, have some closure and move on.”

Tonks frowned, mouth full and thinking the words over. “I just need a bit of time to move on.”

“Okay, why don’t you invite her over then? You could take her to Granada. The south is very romantic, you know?”

Tonks’ frown deepened, and they looked up to Lucía, only to see the mischievous smile on her face. “You’re making fun of me.”

“A little. But in all seriousness, communication is important. Look at us, talking like grown ups with our big words. It helps.”

“Maybe. I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“Of course, I was just thinking that because you’re already working through some stuff, it might be good to rip off the plaster, so to speak.” Lucía shrugged and took a sip from her drink. “In case you decide to go for it, Xavi and I can be your tour guides, or help you plan the visits to the landmarks.”

Tonks’ surprise was evident on their face, a soft look in their eyes, as they regarded Lucía gently.

“What? Don’t look at me like that, I’m not in love with you, you self centered git. I can still be a good supportive friend even when there are no kisses in exchange.”

Tonks was unable to keep the laughter inside, and promptly apologized to the offended woman.

“You’re a metamorphmagus, inflate your head to fit your gigantic ego, please.”

x

It took Tonks another week of sitting around, idle with doubt and self consciousness, until finally, they sat on the desk inside their bedroom and grabbed what they needed.

_Hi Hermione,_

_Please send your parents all my good wishes, tell them I’d be happy to meet for lunch again. I’d like to be able to do more to aid with their progress, but the truth is, H. L. will definitely do his best to his abilities; and if and when he mentions something different than what we know now, we’ll figure something out._

_You’re right, it’s not the same to read about things, some things just need to be experienced directly. I do understand you when you write about something always coming up. A short break might be very beneficial, there is no point in working yourself to exhaustion, please remember to be kind to yourself._

Tonks paused, suddenly missing the words.

_On that note, we’ll be getting a few days off during June’s third week, so how do you feel about learning some Spanish?_

_Let me know if it’s something you’d like to do. Please don’t worry if you can’t make it either, I just figured it’d be a nice opportunity for you to see this city with your own eyes._

_All my best,  
Tonks_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I am hoping you can get something out of this story, whether is representation or just a laugh out of my dumb phrases. I always feel a warm kind of happy when I can relate to a story or read about people like me existing in other stories, so I hope I can bring you a bit of that joy, even if just a tiny piece of it.
> 
> Stay safe :)  
> \----------------------  
> References
> 
> “Dónde fueres, haz lo que vieres.” - Literal translation is "Wherever you go, do as you see", which is the Spanish equivalent of the "When in Rome, do as the Romans."
> 
> These are the places I mention in the story
> 
> 1\. [Rough idea of the square next to the rooftop place.](https://goo.gl/maps/LvryspDP2AmG7XK39)  
> 2\. [Templo de Debod.](https://goo.gl/maps/eLvM38LnJjXYXpEw8)  
> The[ wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_of_Debod) is hella interesting, if you're into that sort of thing.  
> And here's a picture of the [ place at night.](https://astelus.com/wp-content/viajes/vista-nocturna-del-templo-de-debod-650x366.jpg)


	12. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you know this, but Firefox has a Read Mode option included in the browser. Than option has allowed me to burn through fan fiction at a faster pace than squinting at the AO3 page format.
> 
> Thanks for the support, I am really enjoying writing this story.

Tonks hadn’t been able to sleep properly, the next day’s anticipation permeating through their night dreams, a combination of blurry and hectic images running through their mind all through their sleeping hours. As lovely as the romantic explanation for their lack of sleep was, with its cause rooted in eagerness, it wasn’t enough to allow them a respite in the night; and so they woke up in the early morning bleary eyed and tired, excitement in their chest, but a sluggishness to their limbs that Tonks tried to chase away with a strong cup of coffee.

With slow movements, Tonks went through their morning routine, hoping to coerce their body into alertness by the time they had to leave the flat in an hour. After a light breakfast and a shower, Tonks finally felt ready to face the day and its affairs.

They decided to walk from the flat to the location they needed to be at, knowing it’d only take 15 minutes at the most. It was a Thursday, and although there were some people rushing into the tube on their way to work, the majority of the movement on the streets seemed to be coordinated in preparation for the long weekend ahead. It felt like a national holiday of some sort was just around the corner, what with all the adjustments to life in the heart of the city. As Tonks rounded the corner and merged into a bigger walking street on their way to their destination, they wondered if it was only the capital that seemed to vibrate with energy on those dates, if the smaller towns and cities scattered throughout the country were also sharing the same preparations for the weekend.

The heat of the summer was obvious, and Tonks felt the sun hit their face fully from way up high in the sky, heating up their body from the exertion of walking and side stepping people on the pavement. When they finally stepped into the foyer of their destination, they felt a wave of relief enshrouding them, the air inside less stifling than outside. Tonks took a moment to compose and grabbed the collar of their shirt pulling back and forth in a basic attempt to fan some cool air onto their overheated body, mumbling a curse for not remembering a cooling charm on their clothes. Finally, Tonks felt collected enough and made a turn to the last part of their journey.

The excitement of the past few days redoubled its force as soon as Tonks took their first steps inside the big room, the sound of the footsteps mixing with the conversations happening around the place. Knowing they had a bit of time still, Tonks walked to the wall opposite from where they were, intent on finally looking out the window.

Down below, Tonks could see the city moving around, cars and people walking by in a rush, oblivious to the pair of eyes that studied them from up above. The view was beautiful, even if they had seen it multiple times at ground level. After a few minutes of just watching people going on about their lives, Tonks turned around and located the spot they needed to approach, finally walking to it and standing to the side.

Tonks had a flash of a memory of their own arrival to this place, walking out of the fire on wobbly, disoriented legs, and seeing expectant faces around, waiting for their loved ones. Now Tonks was on the other side, an impatient energy settling deep into their body, waiting for the flames to change color announcing Hermione’s arrival. They had owled often, their written conversations maintaining their normalcy and friendliness, but this was the first time they would see each other after what had happened in London. Tonks was both thrilled and terrified.

An internal conversation had occurred in preparation to this moment, to the arrival. How should Tonks welcome Hermione? A hug, a kiss of the cheek? A wave of their hand? For all the times that Tonks decided on something, they immediately changed it. Tonks had no idea what to do, feeling flustered and clumsy, thinking it impossible to be able to look neutral when Tonks knew how Hermione’s mouth tasted like. Clumsiness was their signature by that point, so they could always claim that it was the regular kind, and not the Hermione-induced clumsiness.

Before they could muse longer on these possibilities, the flames of the assigned fireplace changed colours, indicating an arrival. A few seconds later, Hermione appeared in the green flames, still licking at her body but not burning.

She had a big scowl on her face, and because of their proximity, Tonks was able to hear a mumbled complaint. “I hate travelling by Floo.” The worries that had plagued Tonks’ mind ebbed away, and a rush of joy took their place.

“A bit shite, innit?” Tonks said loudly, calling attention to Hermione. “Should’ve come up with something better by now.”

If Tonks was nervous of how it’d be when they both saw each other, it flew out the window the moment Hermione turned to look at them. Hermione’s curly hair had been jostled due to the trip, and tendrils had escaped the knot on her head, framing her face. When their eyes met, Hermione lit up and directed a big smile at Tonks, finally walking out of the fireplace and directly into Tonks’ space.

There was no hesitation, no time for pauses and considerations. Hermione released the bag she was carrying onto the floor, landing softly on the side, and then extended her arms to hug Tonks. It felt like a different hug than the ones shared before, mostly because Hermione’s arms went around Tonks’ neck, highlighting their height difference. Tonks was surprised by it, but immensely relieved that they could still be close without the immediate awkwardness Tonks was expecting before. With the same ease Hermione showed, Tonks hugged her waist and pulled her close to their body, the butterflies in their stomach batting their wings with such fervor that Tonks was afraid they were being too obvious.

After a few moments of this, where Tonks allowed themselves a moment to fully enjoy the closeness, Hermione took a step back. Her hands left Tonks’ neck, but trailed to their shoulders and then arms, as she moved back.

“Hi.” Hermione’s voice was soft, and Tonks repressed a soft sigh of contentment, wondering if their face reflected the mental clumsiness they were feeling. Their throat felt as if it was full of cotton, and Tonks cleared it before speaking, not trusting their voice. At the sound, Hermione took another step back and grabbed her bag from the floor.

“Hi back, bien— hold on, I’ve been practising— bien-ve-ni-da.” Tonks grinned, and made a sweeping movement with their arm to emphasize the words, even with Hermione’s amused raised eyebrows. “That means welcome by the way, first Spanish lesson. Ready to start the day?”

“Sí, lead the way.” Hermione’s appreciative laughter filled Tonks’ ears, and they started walking towards the exit of the building. “I’ve been practising too.”

x

Tonks took the same path that Borja had taken to the flat so many weeks ago. Now familiar with the city, they knew the reasoning behind it had been to make a display out of this area, and Tonks happily noticed that it worked on Hermione.

As Tonks led Hermione to their flat, they briefed her on the overall plans for the weekend, along with pauses made to admire the city’s busy avenue. Eventually, they reached the flat and Tonks let Hermione inside.

“Alright, this is it. I share with Norwood, but they went back to London for the weekend.” Tonks said, walking inside the flat. They gave Hermione a quick tour of where everything was, and then led Hermione to Tonks’ room. “There is the common area loo that I showed you before, but I have a private bathroom through that door.” Tonks pointed at the door to their left, and turned to look at Hermione. “You can settle in before we go out, make yourself comfortable.”

Hermione walked to the bed and dropped her bag there, immediately rummaging through it but not taking anything out. After a moment of that, Hermione stopped and it seemed as if she wanted to say something, but in the end she just shook her head and turned to smile at Tonks.

“Let me get changed into something more comfortable and then we can go out.”

Tonks nodded and moved towards the door. “Shout if you need anything.”

x

An hour later they both walked down the stairs of the building and stepped into the quiet street where Tonks’ flat was located at. The street was narrow and on a slight angle, if they walked down they’d reach a square, but Tonks led them up on their way to the closest main avenue.

“Did you eat before you travelled?”

“I did, I wasn’t sure what you’d planned so I didn’t want to set us back by having to grab a bite.” 

“I planned a few things, but don’t think we’re on a schedule, okay?” Tonks said, turning their face to look at Hermione’s profile. “This is a break for both of us, and I want you to enjoy it.”

They both reached the main avenue, and started mingling with the crowd, many different people walking in various directions. They walked in mostly companionable silence, content with taking in the views, the buildings, the people. Hermione would ask for names of places, or ask about anything that would strike her as odd, hoping that Tonks could provide an explanation to things that she wasn’t privy to.

After ten minutes of walking, they reached a roundabout, and Tonks grabbed Hermione’s elbow to pull her aside from the path of the passers-by. They stopped at a corner of the street, with the roundabout in front of them, and a beautiful white, gothic looking building to the other side of the street. Tonks wasn’t a native, and yet they couldn’t help the smugness they felt inside them when Hermione released an awed sound.

It was only the first stop.

x

After spending a good moment appreciating the views around the roundabout, they both continued down the same path, and finally reached a place that Tonks was looking forward to. The monument was visible from a distance, and Hermione walked faster in her eagerness to get closer.

“Oh, I’ve seen this place in my books.” At her tone of voice, Tonks gave a small laugh of appreciation, happy to be able to be somewhat responsible for Hermione’s excitement.

Hermione’s excitement was contagious, nearly snapping her neck from staring intently at the monument. Tonks couldn’t help but be infected by the emotion, and as soon as they could cross the street, they grabbed Hermione’s hand and pulled her along.

“Come, let’s get there so I can tell you everything I know about it before I forget.”

x

Tonks had done research with the help of Lucía, and so they now were a small encyclopedia with the knowledge of all these landmarks scattered around the city. They were aware of Hermione’s insatiable knowledge quest, and they were very happy to be able to offer some information in these lands, even if the facts that Tonks memorized were quite basic. But Hermione didn’t seem to mind, always listening attentively to the words, asking a few questions and making the connections to the information that she had already read in her many numerous leisure reads. Even if Tonks didn’t know something, Hermione just made notes to herself to later investigate them, satisfied with enjoying the sights and the moment.

Once they were both satisfied with the monument's beauty, Tonks led Hermione across the street to the entrance of a park. The numerous black gates were imposing and elegant, open in welcome to tourists and locals alike, and the entrance was bustling with people coming and going. Tonks led Hermione inside, the perfect image of a tourist guide, through the throngs of people, through the path of trees, until they came to rest in front of a big, gated lake. All the way across the lake, another grand monument rested; yet another historical ornament adding to the beauty of the place.

Hermione came closer to the rail without saying a word, and put her hands on top of the metal, looking out at the lake. The sun rays hit her face in a way that made Tonks feel warm all over, but when she turned to look at them, her brown eyes squinting trying to shy away from the sun, it left Tonks feeling breathless. Tonks wasn’t sure what face they were making, but it was difficult to believe that their face was not showing exactly what they felt inside. Tonks felt smitten, slow, heavy with affection. They tried their best, and returned to their tour guide role, choosing to ignore the obviousness of their feelings.

They went on the boats, the harsh summer sun washing over their skin. They took turns rowing, and at some point even decided to grab one rowing paddle each, but only managed to go around in circles. Their laughter was the soundtrack to the moment, and Tonks made an effort to sear it into their mind. They wanted to remember this. If Tonks ever felt overwhelmed by the world, by the effects of the war, by the callousness of people, they wanted to look back to this moment and remember. Tonks focused on the heat on their skin, the slight smell of sweat from the exertion of rowing ( _in the summer!_ ) and Hermione’s lotion mixed with the water around them; the sounds of laughter and yelling from other boats. The sound of Hermione’s voice, tinted with lightheartedness and amusement.

People were so unapologetically alive, that Tonks wanted to put this moment in a crystal orb and treasure it, as a reminder that they too were living.

So taken was Tonks with the moment that they didn’t notice that Hermione had stopped rowing and that their boat was in the middle of the lake, suspended by the tiny waves formed from all angles of the water. The soft silence and relative isolation made Tonks speak up, and ask about things back home, causing Hermione to heave a big sigh.

“It’s been... rough.” Hermione looked to the side, a small frown on her face. “I’m managing. But I’d rather not talk about it today, if that’s okay? I just want to enjoy the day with you.”

Tonks nodded in understanding, and decided that they had had enough of this boat. “Alright, I am five minutes away from jumping into the water, so better start rowing, chop chop.” They punctuated their last words with claps of their hands, only to be splashed by an offended Hermione.

All in all, Tonks deserved it, and the memory of this moment would live in their mind from the wet feeling of their hair sticking to their forehead, to the sound of their laughter mingling with the rest of the world.

x

They had another place to visit inside this park. Tonks led Hermione through one of the gravel roads, following the instructions Lucía had given them, seeing as Tonks had only been there once. There were people following the path, most likely on their way to the same place. At last, they both saw the structure at a distance, its stone and metal pillars going up the sides of the palace, the big clear windows giving them a glimpse of the inside of the place.

When Hermione stepped inside the main foyer, Tonks felt themselves flush in self satisfaction, as if the palace was their own accomplishment. The open space around them made the palace look infinite from the inside, the lake in front of them aiding in the mirage.

Hermione walked away from Tonks, examining the high ceiling and walls made of crystal. The sun was nowhere close to setting, but it had taken an orange tint that invaded the confines of the thin translucent walls, lending a magical romanticism to the silhouette of their friend, who only had eyes for the architectural enigma in front of her. From inside the palace, Tonks could hear the birds nestled on the trees outside, and it gave them an inexplicable peace. If the lake had been a memory of life, this was a memory of tranquillity.

The lake in front of the palace had a path that circumvented it, it was significantly smaller than the one with the boats, but had a serene beauty on its own, with ducks placidly floating in its surface. They both had wandered to the right side of the path, a small gate followed the edge of the lake, an attempt to keep people from falling in. A few steps past the middle of the lake, there was a small moss cave that covered the walking path, the running water of a man-made waterfall falling from the top of the rocks.

They had the palace on their left, the cave immediately to their right, and the expanse of the lake in front of them. This area was not heavily transited, the visitors preferring to wander about the palace’s wonderful light illusions, so the only sounds around them were the quacking of the ducks and the roaring of the water from the waterfall splashing on the lake.

Hermione leaned on the rail with a contemplative look on her eyes, and Tonks followed her, unable and unwilling to have much distance between them.

“This place… it’s easy to feel things. It’s beautiful.”

Tonks looked at Hermione’s face from the side. Her brown skin framed by loose tendrils of hair softly against her cheeks, moving in tandem to the summer breeze. Her mouth was curled up in a soft smile, and her brown eyes were shining with the reflection of the water in front of them.

“It is.”

Tonks felt like a cliché, speaking of the woman’s beauty instead of what Hermione meant, but they couldn’t help it. Hermione was right, it was easy to get swept up in the city’s romanticism, its buildings’ echoing swirls of past loves and ideals. Tonks felt out of control, unable to do anything else but to let themselves be carried away by this stream of emotions. Right this moment, next to this tiny cave, Tonks wanted to kiss Hermione. They wanted to grab her waist, and push her gently against the rail behind them, until Tonks could feel Hermione’s breath mingling their own. Tonks wanted to cup her jaw, and trace her cheek with their thumb, memorize her features up close, until they couldn’t keep themselves away any longer and needed to close the gap to press their lips together.

Wishful thinking made Tonks believe Hermione wouldn’t push them back if they did go through the impulse right now, but they didn’t.

“No wonder you liked Lucía. It’s difficult to not fall in love in this place.”

It came as a shock, but slowly. The comment effectively made Tonks stop in their day dreaming tracks. Hermione turned her face to look at them, and Tonks was sure their eyes were still glazed. Tonks didn’t trust their voice to reply, but even then, what would they even say?

Tonks’ mouth curled into a lopsided grin, and they turned to look at the lake again.

“Yeah.”

x

They forwent lunch, deciding to have supper in one of the places that Tonks had visited before. It was far from fancy, and although Tonks knew Hermione was not delicate, they still were a bit unsure of how she was going to like it. Tonks figured that she had seen some genuinely lovely parts of the city, it was fair to show her the more real, rugged nooks of the city.

The moment they walked in, they were hit with a wave of noise and chaotic energy. The place was crowded, full of tourists and locals alike, yelling their orders to the servers behind a tall bar in the shape of a big U. Tonks had been there a handful of times, and always left with a sense of bewilderment at the dynamic of the place. There were no chairs, all the patrons had to stay standing in their tiny little bit of the bar, or be okay with holding their drinks and food in their hands.

Hermione was the one who moved fast looking to occupy the space that a couple had left empty less than a second ago, surprising Tonks but they followed closely behind. The nature of the place had them sharing their space with each other, and it was only after the second time Tonks felt Hermione’s body brush against their own, that they realized that the experience was going to be painfully difficult.

Nonetheless, Tonks explained the options to Hermione and they ordered drinks and food. Hermione’s face was a canvas of delight and curiosity, as their drinks came with smaller servings of food. Such different traditions, for such a close country. Or maybe it was just them that were so very different to the rest.

At one moment, the crowd seemed to get thicker, pushing everyone even closer together, and they found themselves facing each other. After a push, Tonks’ instinctive reaction was to hold onto the bar and grab Hermione's waist, pushing her closer to them and away from the disorderly movement. Once everyone settled down, Tonks felt their face heat up in embarrassment, releasing Hermione but checking to see if she was okay.

Tonks tried their best to keep their distance after that, miniscule as it was. They ate, talked and drank, and before they knew it, hours had gone by. By the time they left the bar, Tonks wasn’t sure if the dizziness they felt was caused by Hermione’s close proximity for hours, or by the drinks they had had.

It was already getting dark, and Tonks chose the long way back to the flat, just so they could spend a little more time outside, cradled by the summer heat. It had been a nice day; Tonks wasn’t ready for it to end, although they knew they were both tired, and that there were more plans for the rest of the weekend. When Tonks had planned for these days, they had decided to consider the two of them, rationalizing that it made sense to first introduce Hermione to the city, before socializing. But in reality Tonks had wanted to show Hermione the places they liked, only the two of them for the full day.

“I had a lovely day, a great distraction from everything.” They were reaching the square near the flat, both of them crossing the avenue to reach the narrow street they were headed to. “Thank you.” 

Tonks opened the building’s door and they both went inside, a tired but happy smile overtaking their features. 

“Just you wait until the rest of the weekend.”

x

Once inside the flat, they both walked towards Tonks’ room. Hesitating for a second, Hermione grabbed her bag and went inside the bathroom, reminding Tonks that they hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements. Hermione’s slight pause was probably a sign that she wasn’t sure how to proceed, and Tonks smacked themselves mentally for not thinking of mentioning it before.

They opened up the closet door and grabbed a thin duvet and a pillow, turning to arrange them on the couch, as Tonks heard the shower in the bathroom. After a few charms to make the couch more comfortable, Tonks was satisfied with the results, leaving the room to get water for both of them.

By the time Tonks came back, Hermione was sitting on the bed in pajamas, and looking for something inside her bag. As Tonks offered her water, Hermione finally spoke up, standing up next to the bed.

“Tonks, I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed, that’s incredibly rude.”

“You’re not kicking me out, I am willingly ceding it. Besides, the couch is way more comfortable than the bed, I’ve slept there many times!” Hermione was about to begin protesting again, but Tonks grabbed her forearm gently, and pushed her to sit down. “It’s good, I promise.”

Hermione frowned, looking like she wanted to say more on the matter, but Tonks noticed her eyes blink slowly in exhaustion. It had been a long day and Tonks had won the argument.

Tonks went inside the bathroom to have a shower, their head peeking out after a moment. “Sleep, I have many plans for tomorrow too.”

By the time Tonks came out of the shower, Hermione was already asleep. Tonks settled on the couch and followed soon after, the sound of the birds singing still ringing in their ears, and the warmth of the day carrying them into dreams of ponds and kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not dragging this on just to spite people, I am just a sucker for longing and the feels. Believe me when I say, I am suffering alongside you.
> 
> Places mentioned (I MENTION A LOT OF THEM, APOLOGIES):
> 
> 1\. [Rough idea of Tonks' flat street](https://goo.gl/maps/KpXPJVhmKp9S87Vk7)  
> 2\. [The roundabout and pretty building.](https://goo.gl/maps/5pv8TLUkd5Uuramv9)  
> 3\. [The big monument, called Puerta de Alcalá (so pretty).](https://goo.gl/maps/RHv9shveyxFn5ZoP7)  
> 4\. [The Park's gates](https://www.unaventanadesdemadrid.com/objetos/retiro-puertas-y-entradas/puerta-espana.jpg)  
> 5\. [The big lake with the boats and monument ](https://static4.abc.es/Media/201307/24/parque-retiro--644x362.JPG)  
> 6\. [The Crystal Palace ](https://fotoculturamadridhome.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/interior.jpg)  
> 7\. [The tiny cave ](https://c8.alamy.com/compes/myc573/hermoso-tunel-de-roca-y-cascadas-junto-al-palacio-de-cristal-en-el-parque-del-buen-retiro-parque-del-buen-retiro-myc573.jpg)(couldn't find a better pic)  
> 8\. [The Bar! ](https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/11/ad/ae/ef/locale.jpg)  
> 


	13. A place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) be safe
> 
> cw: racism mention, discrimination mention

The next day led them to an art museum near the roundabout they had seen the day before. They walked through well kept outside greenery, until they were inside to brightly illuminated corridors surrounded by paintings. The artworks ranged from different types of styles and colors, some of them calling more attention than others, so they both stopped every once in a while to admire their surroundings, the sound of their steps mixing with the chatter of people around them. The two of them walked around with pamphlets in their hands, and a small translating device that Tonks had been baffled by at first, but that Hemione had insisted on, pushing for the full muggle museum experience.

Tonks was looking at a painting with their head bent sideways, eyes squinting in concentration, when Hermione walked up to them and mimicked Tonks. In front of the big canvas, both stood with their heads crooked to the side, in an effort to appreciate all angles with their eyes.

“I don’t know much about art, besides what my parents taught me.” Hermione mused, head still inclined. Once satisfied with this image, she walked slowly to the next one. “It’s hard for me to grasp it. I never really understood the feeling behind it.”

“I don’t understand much of it either.” Tonks said, a step behind Hermione, until they both came to stand in front of another painting of a garden. Suddenly, a feeling of self doubt gripped their body, thinking that maybe Hermione preferred to be doing something else instead of being here surrounded by unmoving and unfeeling paintings. “But I was told this place was a must.”

Hermione turned slightly and grabbed Tonks’ wrist, squeezing gently. “Yes, of course. I don’t mean to be rude, this place is pretty, and the art is lovely.” Sufficiently soothed, Tonks gave Hermione a lopsided grin, and continued their walkthrough.

They turned and reached a painting that had gathered a crowd around it, one of the main attractions, if the map on Tonks’ pamphlet was accurate. Both of them sidestepped the people and went to stand on the left side of the frame, waiting for people to slowly allow the rest a proper view. 

When they finally stood right in front of it, Tonks was faced with the size of the canvas, easily twice their height. The painting had many people in it, but three girls in big puffy dresses leaped out in the middle of it, one blonde girl the center of attention. Tonks felt Hermione’s arm press against their side as they moved in their appreciation of the work of art. 

“I’ve seen this one in books before.” Hermione’s eyes scanned the totality of the picture in front of her, her mouth slightly agape in awe. “I didn’t realise it was so big.” After a few moments of both of them openly admiring the work, they turned and ceded the space for people waiting their turn, moving towards other paintings nearby.

“I’m just never in them.” Hermione continued a moment later in a quiet voice. “I remember going on a field trip to the National Gallery in primary school. I thought they were all pretty, with lovely dresses and lovely hair, but none of them looked like me. Or my parents. Or any of my family, really.” They both were walking to the next segment of the gallery, and Tonks felt themselves frown. “It felt as if we weren’t allowed the same space for beauty.

Books were easier, I could simply picture the characters differently.”

“I’m sorry.” Tonks mentally scolded themselves for choosing to do something that not only didn’t particularly align to Hermione’s interests, but also because they realised that what their friend was saying hadn’t even crossed their mind. A painful realisation of how separated they were from these realities.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault, Tonks.” Hermione said gently, a trace of resignation in her voice. “That’s just how life is.”

“But it shouldn’t be that way.”

Hermione paused, and gave them a small, mirthless smile. “No, it should not.”

Concern and frustration rising up to their chest, Tonks had an idea. “We could always go somewhere else. Sod the arts.”

Hermione’s smile turned a bit more lively, as she shook her head. “I like the significance of the works, even if I don’t fully understand them. 

Besides, it’s cooler here than outside.”

They walked more inside the building, until they found themselves in front of a medium sized painting of a white family, their clothes nice and regal, betraying their most likely aristocratic background. A young black person in plain servant clothes was to their side, an offering in their hands. There were no crowds around this painting, so they had time to stay in front of it. Suddenly, Hermione spoke up, albeit quietly.

“Do you know about my scar?”

Tonks was taken aback by the seemingly out of nowhere question, and wasn’t sure what to reply at first. “I… Yes, I know about it.”

Hermione nodded, her eyes still in front of her, fixed on the painting. “Harry was not the only one left with a physical keepsake of the war, unfortunately.” Hermione paused, and Tonks felt at a loss, not knowing what to say but aware that this was an important conversation. “We’ve tried multiple times to remove it, but couldn’t. There were other magical alternatives, but in the end I decided to keep it.

It’s a reminder, albeit brutal, that I have a place. Even if people don’t want me to have one.”

Tonks frowned, pain and nausea seeping into their bones, enveloping their whole being from the inside. For a moment, Tonks felt a prickle in their eyes, raw emotion overpowering them. Blinking the harsh tears away, Tonks led Hermione to a quieter part of the museum, and sat down on an available bench. They were mostly alone in this part, tourists gravitating to the more famous works of art. “What happened in London?”

Hermione released a full, loud snort followed by laughter, and Tonks waited patiently next to her, cautious and concerned. "This is not new, Tonks, this feeling. But I am frustrated, and I guess you can tell.”

Tonks shook their head, not wanting to make Hermione feel as if they were minimizing what they felt. Just because Tonks didn’t experience racism first hand, didn’t mean they weren’t aware of its prevalence everywhere. Although listening to their friend, Tonks realised how easy it was to be complacent and passive. They frowned to themselves for a moment, wasn’t that what was so frustrating when working on the integration effort in Spain? People not being aware of what was happening right in front of them, unless they witnessed it?

Tonks had to admit to themselves that they needed to start paying more attention, be aware of these things not only in the abstract sense, but as things that directly affected the people they loved. As things that directly affected real people.

Even though Tonks didn’t say anything, Hermione understood and continued after a moment. She heaved a big sigh before speaking.

“I was expecting the resistance, some pushback was inevitable." Hermione said. "But expecting it, doesn't make it any less exhausting." Hermione looked around the large section they were in, following the few people milling around with her eyes. Tonks listened attentively, a silent sign of respect for what Hermione would say next.

“You already know that we have been working on reviewing the secrecy statutes regarding muggle parents and family, as their access to magical places and activities.” Hermione said, looking at Tonks briefly, and then tilting her head back, her eyes on the ceiling before continuing. “There are many families and high ranking people that are not happy with it. Many of them did not publicly support Voldemort— couldn’t be tied to him in any way, but at the very least sympathized with him and shared some of the core values. No accusation can be made because they were always removed from all of the mess, but now they are shielding themselves in tradition and security, hinting that we are not apt to make a call like that because some of us are not familiar with ‘heritage conventions’, and calling into question many things that are being worked on by other mixed groups.

But there are also many others that want to support by talking alone. Yes we're _integrated_ now,” Hermione used air quotes to emphasize the word. “But they keep objecting to any and all terms that we present. I much rather deal with upfront arseholes, than the polite devil's advocate, questioning and nitpicking every single thing we come up with, for the sake of argument and being neutral. As if those weren't the same things that contributed to Voldemort’s rise in the first place.”

Hermione’s voice was strained, frustrated with emotion.

“I get the impression that people believe that just because he's gone everything will magically fall into place.” Hermione’s voice quivered, and she raised her hands to her face, pressing her palms to her eyes. “But it won't Tonks, it won't because this is not the first time it happens, in the magical world or otherwise. And I am exhausted of always being the one to bring it up, because then _I_ get labelled as incendiary.”

Hermione lowered her hands, and Tonks noticed she looked weary and so very tired. Tonks’ first reaction was anger at everything and everyone, a burning outrage for anyone who would oppose what they were doing, concealing their true motivations under false pretenses, against anything that remotely resembled a more equal reality for everyone. 

They felt powerless to help Hermione with something that Tonks knew she had fought against for all her life. Tonks was reminded of some moments ago, when Hermione had first mentioned how she’d never seen herself in the classical paintings. If Tonks hadn’t even noticed that, hadn’t even thought about that fact of life, then what else hadn’t they noticed? 

Had they ever contributed to Hermione’s pain, even if unintentionally?

Tonks reached out and threw their arm around her, bringing her close to their side, hoping to offer some comfort through their closeness, knowing that nothing that they’d say would be able to help right at this moment. Hermione sighed and burrowed her face into Tonks’ shoulder, when she continued talking, her voice came a bit muffled.

“I’m tired of having to work twice as hard to earn a space at the table. I’m exhausted of having to prove myself over and over and over, while they prod and pinch at every part of me. I gave everything I had during the war, what more do they want from me?”

Tonks closed their eyes angrily, their right arm coming up to Hermione’s head to bring her closer, overwhelmed by the need to do something. They had been in the first line of the war, so willing to sacrifice whatever was necessary, and so pain over injustices were not new, but Tonks couldn’t help but despondently wonder if they’d ever be free from the repercussions of the conflict.

Weren’t they all deserving of some peace?

They stayed close together for long moments, Hemione’s hands were loosely clasped together around Tonks’ waist, her head still smushed against Tonks’ shoulder. Their breathing was the only sound coming from their mouths during all that time, an intimate reprieve to the sounds of life around them.

When they finally felt like they could return to their day, they stood up, still close together. Before Hermione could start walking away, intent on continuing their tour, Tonks grabbed her hand and without saying anything, started walking towards the exit of the museum. Tonks figured that the world had enough real life depictions of the paintings, and if there was no space for people like Hermione in here, then it wasn’t that great anyways. There was no need to waste the whole day in a stuffy place, when it clearly didn’t have anything to offer them.

They left the building, the sun hitting their eyes as soon as they stepped outside, and Tonks took a moment to remember this instant too. They felt as if the weekend was going to be comprised of significant memories, and this one was one that Tonks was desperate to store fully in the spaces of their mind, as a reminder of vigilance and care. They weren’t exactly sure how they could help in the grand scheme of things, but Tonks figured that right this moment, some good food would help.

Tonks took Hermione to a nice restaurant nearby, and spent the next few hours trying to alleviate the burden in Hermione’s mind.

x

After lunch, they had spent the afternoon without a plan, wandering the streets of the city, finding small gardens and nooks to explore together. By the time they were supposed to meet Lucía and Xavi for supper, both of them were feeling much lighter, and Tonks was convinced that they had enjoyed their day more than they ever would had they stuck to the original plan.

The sun was on the way down on the west side of the sky, the bright orange and pink tint a beautiful reminder that it was summer. As they were crossing through a park on their way to the restaurant/bar, Tonks stopped Hermione and directed them both to the edge of a fountain, the sprinkle of water and the breeze on their faces a welcome balm to the heat of the day.

“Before we meet them, I need to tell you something.” Hermione frowned, and Tonks rushed to ease their friend’s worries. “Nothing bad, I promise.”

Tonks wasn’t sure how to begin, mostly out of concern of how Hermione might take the information. Xavi and Tonks had discussed this previously, and they had given Tonks the green light to disclose their pronouns beforehand, so that way Hermione wouldn’t be thrown off balance and surprised.

“We’re meeting Xavi and Lucía.” Hermione nodded in acknowledgement, Tonks had mentioned this before. “Xavi uses neutral pronouns.”

Hermione blinked, making an adorably confused face. “I’m not— what are the neutral pronouns in Spanish?”

“Oh, I don’t— I know they’ve told me, but I don’t remember. They speak English though, both of them, sometimes they use language charms in case they need it.” Tonks replied. “But I mean, the pronouns are in English.”

“So like, they/them?”

Tonks blinked in surprise, and it must have been evident on their face, because Hermione looked a bit sheepish and shy.

“After you shared with me that you liked women… I kind of went on a research spiral. I came across many texts on gender.” Hermione blushed. “I am, by no means, an expert, but I know the basics of it, I guess.”

The first rush of emotion that Tonks felt was relief, enveloping Tonks’ body from head to toe, even if it was for reasons that Hermione didn’t know yet.

“Why?” Upon hearing the question, Hermione frowned and looked at Tonks.

“Why what? Why did I look into it?” Tonks nodded, not trusting their voice. Hermione still looked at them as if she wasn’t following, but spoke up anyways. “I wanted to understand better, to understand _you_ better.”

It was said so simply, with a casual shrug of a shoulder, like it was the logical path to follow after a confession of that sort, and Hermione didn’t understand why it was even asked. The second feeling gripped Tonks’ so tightly that it felt almost paralysing. A wave of pure, unadulterated affection came over them, and at that very moment Tonks wondered if they should tell her about what they had been feeling lately, the discoveries they’d made, the comfort they’d found in simple actions of adjustment. Tonks didn’t feel obligated to tell Hermione, but they _wanted_ to share this part of them with her.

They wanted Hermione to understand them, not through books or references, but through them making them an active part of the journey. Tonks didn’t have the words to fully express what they were feeling, all the thoughts swirling and pulsing inside their head at the same time, but they knew they wanted Hermione there. Despite being suddenly certain of that, at that moment it seemed to Tonks that anything that could come out of their mouth, would be a reverent confession.

“They will definitely love you.” And as soon as it came out Tonks knew that it included them, that they didn’t feel it yet, in the romantic sense, but they were well on their way, and they were helpless to stop it now.

x

“You never said you were friends with Hermione Granger!” Lucía’s hand gripped Tonks’ arm in reproach or excitement, Tonks wouldn’t be able to tell. And by the increasing pressure they were feeling, little did it matter.

They had talked about this meeting and Lucía had promised to be on her best behavior, but the moment Tonks introduced Hermione, Lucía couldn’t help but be very loud. Hermione looked alarmed for a second, but before she could say anything in reply to that, Lucía fixed her eyes on her and continued with an intense tone of voice.

“I followed closely on the housing rights for magical creatures’ proposition, I read your publications as well.” Lucía said excitedly. “I thought you raised some very good points on the housing rights for Beings of B and C classification, but I disagree on the A Beings’ equality bid.” Hermione immediately snapped into alertness, her full attention taken by the woman in front of her. “Under European laws, A Beings are already beneficiaries of the majority of housing privileges, it wouldn’t make a difference to include them in any legislation.”

Without missing a beat, Hermione began what seemed like a fascinating, heated debate between the two of them, with Xavi and Tonks bewildered next to them. Tonks had been witness to Hermione’s work on the housing rights and knew she was very savvy on the subject, but Lucía was also well versed in European politics, so they wisely decided to stay clear out of that conversation and allow them both the space to have their dialogue.

For a long time, both of the women were engrossed in discussions that had ranged to multiple subjects, and even though both Xavi and Tonks were fascinated by the sometimes opposing points of views, they eventually decided to politely intervene with the intention of moving the topic of conversation to something that included everyone.

Over their food, the expected questions about Hermione’s visit to the city were the focus of most of the subsequent conversation, with a happy Hermione recounting the places they had visited so far.

“Alright, are we going to the celebration tomorrow?” Caught in the middle of a bite, Tonks couldn’t do more than shoot Lucía a look. With everything that had happened in the morning, Tonks hadn’t even brought up the question to Hermione.

With raised eyebrows, Hermione caught the look between them and pressed on. “A party, what kind of party?”

Lucía turned to Hermione with a big grin on her face, ignoring Tonks’ alarmed look. “Tomorrow is the Pride parade! Huge celebration after it.”

With a dawning look on her face, Hermione turned to look at Tonks. “Oh, of course, it’s pride weekend.”

“We don’t have to go, or get involved directly.” Tonks said. “There are many things to do in the city besides that.”

“Yeah, it is just a huge, annual party.” Lucía chimed in, playfully sarcastic, but then went back to her sincere tone of voice. “You don’t have to go, but it is a brilliant event.”

Hermione nodded. “Last time I went to one I was a child, and I was with my family.” Hermione turned to Tonks and smiled. “It sounds fun. Let’s do it.”

x

That night, it was Hermione’s turn to undergo the Spanish drinking experience, so after dinner, they ended up in a nearby plaza with plastic cups in their hands. More people joined them, friends of Xavi and Lucía, but the street was already vibrating with the anticipation of the next day’s parade, and so they found themselves surrounded by loud, cheery strangers that went out to the streets impatient for tomorrow’s celebration.

On a nearby bench, Lucía, Hermione and a friend of Xavi were engaged in a deep conversation about house elves’ liberation rights, and although their voices would sometimes be raised in outrage at different points of the talk, Tonks knew that Hermione was enjoying herself.

Tonks was very pleased that they all seemed to like each other and had found genuine common ground that would make this visit a good experience for everyone. Even when Tonks had to go back to London, they’d very much like to keep the friendship they had harbored with these people.

For long moments, Tonks was happy to only look around from their spot in the grass, taking in what was happening around them, without really participating in any conversation. They allowed the feeling of contentment to wash over them, until Xavi walked over to where Tonks was and interrupted their peace with a mischievous comment.

“So, you have a crush on Hermione Granger, _war hero_.”

Tonks’s eyes widened in panic, and turned to look at the playful grin on their friend’s face. “She told you?” Seeing the panic in Tonks’s face, Xavi softened and shook their head.

“Nope, Lucía didn’t need to say anything.”

“Oh bugger, am I too obvious?”

Xavi took a big gulp of their drink, stalling for time. “Yeah, it is really obvious.” They both turned to look at the bench where Hermione was, a big scowl on her face as she energetically moved her hands in an attempt to get her point across. As if the pause had only been for histrionic effects, Xavi continued. “But she’s not subtle either.”

“Shut up. Don’t give me hope.” 

“I’m not, I could be wrong, but I am almost sure she likes you.” At Tonks’ unconvinced face, they carried on, using their fingers to list off things. “She’s here visiting after you invited her, she includes you in almost all conversations. She touches you _constantly_ , although I don’t think she’s noticed. She also looks at you as if you’re the most beautiful person here. Which must mean she likes you, because I’m clearly cuter.”

Unable to help themselves, Tonks laughed and pushed Xavi’s arm gently in fake annoyance. “It’s complicated.”

Xavi was called by a friend, and they waved back, before turning to look at Tonks. “Isn’t everything in life always complicated, Tonks?” As Xavi stood up, Tonks sighed, the pat they received on their shoulder didn’t do much to dissipate the flutter of hope and anxiety accumulated in their stomach.

They didn’t stay out until very late, like the last time that Tonks had gone out with them, choosing to rest so they could fully enjoy the next day. When they said goodbye with the promise of seeing each other tomorrow, Tonks caught Xavi’s knowing eyes and tried their very best to not think of what they said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References
> 
> 1\. [ El Prado Museum](https://www.letraslibres.com/sites/default/files/foto_ep/2019-04/prado.jpg)  
> 2\. [ Las Meninas](https://ep01.epimg.net/politica/imagenes/2017/07/14/sepa_usted/1500060065_918361_1500061243_noticia_normal.jpg) by Diego Velázquez


	14. Sunscreen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to fit two days into one chapter and get carried away every single time.  
> This was a fun one to write, I hope you like it
> 
> cw: sex mention, transphobia mention (but only if you squint, nothing heavy)

They had both decided to have a quiet morning, choosing to wake up late and have breakfast inside the flat, a lovely echo of their days back in London, where they would often find themselves sharing their spaces with each other. To Tonks, it seemed almost the same, with the notable difference that they couldn’t find where the utensils were, but besides that, it was a regular quiet morning with Hermione.

The noises from the city filtered in through the windows, as they moved around in the kitchen, warning them of the radiating energy and bustling activity just outside the street. The flat being so close to where the parade was going to happen, meant that everything in the area was solely focused on the event, with people coming and going in all directions, meeting up with friends and family, getting ready to spend the day enjoying the parade. Despite what Tonks had said before to Hermione, the activities they had access to in that area were limited.

A little bit after noon, they both left the flat in comfortable clothing with cooling charms, Tonks carrying a backpack with snacks and water they had gotten ready. They began their walk to the meeting point where they were supposed to meet Xavi, Lucía, and a few of their friends.

“I had fun yesterday. Your friends are nice.” Hermione said, as they were walking a big pedestrian street. “I’m glad you have people like them here.” Tonks directed a smile at Hermione at that, moving around trying to avoid the bodies of other people walking. They still had a bit over a block to go, and even though they were not that close to the parade street, people were everywhere. “I like Lucía, her views on the migration trends of Centaurs and its effects in contemporary history are rather questionable,” Hermione said with a trace of a snobbish, displeased tone, that made Tonks crinkle their eyes in amusement. 

“But she’s nice. Listen, I don’t want to intrude, so if at some point during the day you want to go and hang out with her—”

“We’re not together.” Tonks blurted out before Hemione could finish her train of thought, coming to a stop, not abruptly, but enough to have Hermione walking a few steps ahead before noticing. “Lucía and I, we talked and… We’re not dating.” 

“Oh, I thought—” Tonks shook their head, more to get rid of the nervous energy from their mind than forming a reply. They had stopped by the side of the main walking path, not wanting to be on the way of other people.

“We’re better off as friends.” Tonks had a flash of what Xavi had said the previous night, about how they saw something in the way they interacted, and felt the need to stare at Hermione’s reaction to this information, see if they could see what everyone else saw. Gently, they touched Hermione’s bare arm, ducking their head a bit to make eye contact with Hermione. “And even if we were dating, we’re all here as a group, and you’re with us. We won’t leave you.”

Hermione’s gaze was intense, and goosebumps covered her arm, starting where Tonks touched her, but didn’t say anything. Tonks noticed the reaction, and it sent a rush of warmth through their body, but in the heavy silence that followed, they weren’t sure what to do with that information. They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer, and Tonks, not wanting to force the tension to snap in a way that could make Hermione uncomfortable, cleared their throat and took a step back.

They resumed walking the last stretch, and Tonks saw the group waiting for them in the place they had agreed to meet. It was at a corner that was supposed to be away from the main road, but even though they could still walk freely, the crowd started getting thicker and people would come and go from all directions, forcing Tonks and Hermione to step aside constantly trying to avoid colliding with people. Tonks lost visibility of Hermione for no more than a few seconds, but an instinctive reaction made them move quickly until they were next to her again. Hermione had an arsenal of knowledge and quick reflexes, but it didn’t curve Tonks’ involuntary reaction to years of training and living under the real threat of danger.

But they were okay, they were here, they were safe. And so, Tonks caught up with her and grabbed her hand, rationally knowing that a blanket of security covered them, but unable to shake off the twist in their gut at the thought of losing Hermione to the crowds around them. Hermione, maybe sensing the distress, interlaced their fingers and together they walked the final distance to meet the group.

When they reached the group, they were all chit chatting with each other in excitement, looking around and pointing out the people with flashy outfits in awe. There was an air of giddiness and Tonks couldn’t help but share the bubbling excitement of the day. Lucía and Xavi both raised their eyebrows in question once they noticed their hand holding, but much to Tonks’ relief, they didn’t ask anything out loud, and just welcomed them into the group.

They were the last ones to arrive and so once they ran through a checklist of things and rules, much to Hermione’s pleased approval, everyone started walking towards the main avenue. As they neared the area, Tonks noticed that people around were dressed in a diversity of clothes, from loud to almost non-existent, and for a second Tonks was taken aback by how free these people looked, walking around being a party version of themselves with such confidence. It struck Tonks that they wanted to be able to be that way, although with possibly more clothes on, but with the same confidence these people were exuding in their existence.

With a group of people around them, and Hermione’s hand still in their palm, the possibility felt closer than ever.

x

The crowd was too dense to be able to be all the way to the front comfortably, without them needing to elbow their way through, so they scouted the area and managed to secure a place that had enough visibility but was still a bit away from the first line of the street. It was still a tight fit, but they weren’t pressed together like sardines at least.

By the time the parade began, and big cars started rolling forward to the left side of them, the multitude around them was vibrating with excitement, dancing, yelling and laughing. Tonks could see all kinds of people around them, from different races and ages. There were families, and children running around waving tiny flags, or wearing colourful clothes, often in matching combinations to their parents.

The cars were more like muggle trucks, in Tonks’ opinion, having seen them before in undercover missions. All of them seemed to have their own music coming from it, and though Tonks knew a bit more than average about muggle technologies, they weren’t really sure how they managed to be that loud, enveloping everyone in the audience with the bass reverberating through their bones. It was infectious, the beat seeped into every single one of them, and the whole crowd moved in their own way, their bodies forming one big mass of movement, cheering on the ones in the street.

The trucks appeared to have themes, an identity or presentation to every single one of them, and though Tonks was definitely not a prude, they still were very English. Some of the cars included people in leather, with as little clothes as possible, and Tonks looked around, wondering if any of the families around would cover their kids’ eyes, hoping to hurry the truck along until the next one arrived. But everyone seemed to be completely okay with what was happening, as if skin on display wasn’t inherently suggestive, and that hit Tonks heavily. It was one thing to know it, to be sure of it, to even use it as an argument for their existence, knowing that simply being wasn’t a matter of indecency, but to see it being embraced so wholeheartedly, without judgement or care, it was startling.

The buildings that surrounded them had people in every single balcony, yelling, laughing and waving at the cars. In between the trucks, contingencies marched forward, holding signs of identification. The words were similar to English, so no translation was needed. Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, and many more that Tonks had never seen before. They felt as if they were constantly learning, but for the first time, it didn’t feel as gruelling as before; for the first time it felt to Tonks as if they were learning the names of their extended family, people that shared experiences with them in a way that others couldn’t. It took Tonks all of ten seconds to realise that this blaze inside them was a feeling of belonging, that here in this country so separate from their own, surrounded by people that didn’t even speak the same language, Tonks felt like coming home.

The sun was high up in the sky, and Tonks noticed that it became sweltering hot, its burning tendrils reaching all of their exposed skin, the temperature raised even higher aided by the throngs of people everywhere. With the giddiness of the moment, Tonks didn’t care much for the discomfort of the heat, but Hermione tapped their shoulder and asked them to take off the backpack.

Curious, Tonks complied, opening the backpack and holding it up for Hermione. She dug into the bag and pulled out a sunscreen bottle, immediately opening it up and applying some to her hands and arms.

Tonks had noticed the concealing charm before, but now they were allowed to openly stare at the unblemished skin of her arm, Hermione’s hands moving up and down spreading the white lotion so it covered all of her exposed skin. Enthralled by the movement, Tonks was snapped out of their stupor by Hermione’s right hand’s fingers rubbing the sunscreen’s excess on Tonks’ nose, who immediately scrunched up their face at the sensation.

“You, of all people, should use it before you go red.” An amused tone coloured Hermione’s voice. “Extend your hands.”

Sighing in fake, dramatic exasperation, Tonks shouldered the backpack again and complied. Hermione squirted some lotion on their hands, and they applied it to cover their arms, face, and neck, until Hermione was satisfied that they were properly protected.

Turning to the rest of the group, and finding more than two pairs of amused eyes staring at them, Hermione offered the sunscreen to the rest. “Do you guys need some?” Without missing a beat, Hermione noticed a spot on Tonks’ neck that still had unspread lotion, and she extended her hand to rub it from the side to Tonks’ nape.

Barely able to cover up the yelp of pleased surprise that came out of their mouth, Tonks’ ears turned red, but they hoped they could blame the city’s sun for it.

“Thank you, but we had our shortcut at home.” Lucía was the one who replied, using air quotes on the word shortcut, most likely to not call attention to themselves in a sea of muggles. Then she turned to look at the still blushing Tonks with mirth. “Lucky you though, very protected.”

The oily coconut smell filled Tonks’ nose, as they put everything back inside the backpack and returned to the event in front of them, ears still flaming.

x

A bit over two hours had passed, and the march itself was done, but there were still big music stands strategically placed so people could stay where they were and still enjoy the last fizzles of the parade. Now that the main event was mostly done, the crowd hadn’t diminished at all, if anything it had grown, as people came to the party and concerts part of the day. 

The nearest music stand blasted a rhythm that almost forced people to move, and Tonks wondered if there was not some magical element to it, like a charm that would make people’s bodies move in accordance to its tune. They had heard this particular music in London before, but it seemed like it was everywhere in this place; they had heard it so often that Tonks had cooed in wonder multiple times, amazed as to how muggle people could engineer something so persuasive with just sounds.

They were standing and moving to the rhythm (but not quite dancing) while they talked and saw other people giving shows, flashing their looks, or simply existing in the community. It was as if it was a massive party where the most extraverted went around entertaining others, while the audience gasped and clapped at their displays.

Xavi was on the side, dancing with a shirtless guy, waving a yellow, blue and red flag, with a symbol stamped in the middle, but due to the movement and dancing, Tonks couldn’t make out what it was. Curious, Tonks asked Hermione if she knew what identity it was supposed to represent. Much to their embarrassment, Hermione had burst out laughing, inadvertently calling Lucía’s attention, who joined in on the laughter after finding out what was happening.

Through breathless giggles, Hermione replied. “I think it’s the identity of Ecuador.” 

“Oi, so cheeky. I couldn’t see the coat of arms.” Tonks’ embarrassment was fairly diminished by Hermione’s out of breath face, happy and free for a second, but that didn’t mean they could stop the blush forming on their cheeks. “I didn’t know they were from Ecuador.”

“Xavi’s dad is, they always bring the flag to the Parade.” Lucía said, still laughing a bit. “They say it serves two purposes. To let people know they aren’t a colonizer, and to attract other brown people.” They all turned to look at Xavi having the time of their life, the guy behind them grinding in a way that validated Xavi’s strategy. “And it works every time.”

After a few moments, Hermione excused herself in favor of going to get some water. Apparently with the day’s heat, they had gone through their reserves, but with Tonks being more familiar with the area, they offered to go instead. Tonks walked to a nearby convenience store that was filled to the brim, so they had to wait for a while before they could get what they needed.

By the time Tonks came back, Hermione was chit chatting with a stranger; a tall gorgeous guy, with tawny skin and brown hair. They weren’t too close, but the guy seemed to be smiling a lot in an attempt to charm Hermione.

“Someone’s being flirty with Hermione.” Whispered Lucía conspiratorially to Tonks, once they reached the group. A wave of irrational possessiveness gripped Tonks’ body, but they squashed it down, reminding themselves that they had no right to feel anything over Hermione being interested in someone. Tonks approached slowly, feeling conflicted and unsure, a big bottle of cold water in their hand.

“Hey, here’s your water.” Tonks said, feigning surprise at seeing the other person, and noticing the way he also seemed surprised for a second. Hermione turned to Tonks with a big smile on her face, thanked them and drank from the bottle immediately. The guy, sensing his time was up, decided to speak up one last time.

“Alright, I’ll go back to my friends. We’ll be at Fortuna tonight, along with half of the people here, if you change your mind.” The guy smiled politely, and he seemed genuinely eager and nice. When Hermione smiled back at him, Tonks wondered if she also saw the same they did. “Nice meeting you.”

As he disappeared with the crowd, Tonks turned to look at Hermione, who had a light blush on her cheeks, and a shy smile. Pushing down everything else in their head, Tonks held a teasing glint in their eyes, but before they could say anything, Xavi interrupted them and excitedly whispered.

“Did you just get asked out?!”

Hermione’s cheeks flared up even more, looking at Tonks and immediately turning away. “He was just being nice.” Hermione laughed embarrassedly, and took a swig of water from her bottle.

“Hun, no one here is trying to be nice to strangers, people are trying to shag or get drunk.” Xavi took a gulp of their own water bottle and raised it in a ‘cheers’ motion.

“That’s water.” Hermione replied, confusedly, looking at Tonks for a clue, but before Tonks could say anything to warn Hermione, Xavi was already speaking with a mischievous smile on their face.

“Precisely right, my friend. I’m going for the former.”

x

They spent the whole afternoon dancing, talking and laughing. By the time the sun was setting, they had decided to walk around and explore more. They all felt a bit sluggish, but they were still pumped up, the sea of people around them feeding their energy levels even if their bodies were burnt and depleted.

The group visited the tents scattered around the whole neighborhood, giving out sex-ed information and instructions. Some were geared towards families, some towards the younger attendees looking to have fun. They visited as many as they could, and Tonks grabbed a bunch of pamphlets for them to peruse at a later date, now impatient to learn more after the basics had settled into their brain.

They were still crammed together, but they had managed to find a semi vacant space next to a big building on the side of a Plaza, so they settled down to munch on some snacks they all had packed in the morning. The music was different this time, but the electronic baseline still made their insides thump in time of the melody.

“Where do the quiet gays go?” Hermione said with a tired, but happy smile, in the middle of a bite of her sandwich.

Lucía, sitting next to her and also eating on a bocata, replied. “Everyone is here, the quiet ones are the clothed ones.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _we_ are the quiet ones.”

Xavi, a few meters away but still chatting and moving around with a seemingly never ending fill of energy, overheard the talk and yelled back. “Hey, speak for yourself!”

xxxx

It was late, but they were still on the streets. The group had decided against a club, because everyone was still out and there was music coming from everywhere. The party was not inside doors, not today. Today was all about being out and visible, about being with each other taking the streets. They could have a regular club party any other day, but not today.

They had chosen a big Plaza that had lots of people around, and that Tonks had never been to. Another group had joined them, and they were all gathered around a long concrete planter, in big and small groups of people. Hermione was happily enjoying being part of a bigger conversation about the country and its culture, so Tonks had excused themselves to go to the loo across the street.

“Have you talked to her yet?”

Tonks was surprised to hear Lucía, thinking that she was still with the group, but she must have gone after Tonks when they had walked to the nearby bar. They stopped next to the facade of the bar, their group of people still visible from where they were.

Lucía interpreted Tonks’ silence and heaved a disappointed sigh. “You’re hopeless. She likes you, I’m telling you. She spent all day with you.”

Tonks’ looked over to where Hermione was, and saw that she was talking to someone animatedly, a toothy, happy smile on her face. Lucía followed Tonks’ line of sight, and spoke up.

“Look, she’s rejected every single person that’s hit on her tonight. Not everyone was a guy. And she might not wait much longer for you to make a move.”

Finally finding their voice, Tonks turned to Lucía and replied. “That doesn’t mean much.”

“She kissed you back, didn’t she?” Tonks shrugged, but nodded their acquiesce.

“Yeah, but she also backtracked after it. She wouldn’t be the first straight girl who gets flirty with me, and then realizes that she's in over her head. Like I said, a kiss doesn’t mean much.”

Lucía frowned, and snapped her eyes back to Tonks. “That’s a bit presumptuous of you, isn’t it? I don’t know her as well as you do, but I don’t peg her as the type to dabble just out of curiosity.”

Another heavy silence passed, and Tonks could feel Lucía getting impatient with them. Tonks had just wanted to use the loo, and keep enjoying the night, they didn’t want a scolding. “Look, I’m not stupid, alright? I know the kiss was real, and _believe me_ , I want to do more about it. But besides that, there haven’t been any other signs that she wants me to. She made things clear, and I’m trying to be respectful of that.” Tonks leaned back against the stone building, suddenly feeling drained and tired. “If I go by on wishful thinking, only to find out she really just got caught in the moment, that— that’ll be harsh.”

“Tonks, do you realise what you’re doing?” Tonks was taken aback by the serious tone in Lucía’s voice, and it forced them to look back at her fully. “You need to grow a pair, and I mean that metaphorically.” She looked at Tonks, with a firm look, but softened immediately. “You’re not allowing her the space to make a decision. Even if she doesn’t make the decision that you’re hoping for, you’re taking the decision out of her hands. That’s also messed up.”

Tonks felt a gut wrenching feeling of disappointment. They hadn’t thought about it that way, and they could remember vividly the conversation that Hermione once had shared with them, when she had talked about agency and love. And here was Tonks, hiding a secret out of what felt like a noble reason, but simultaneously making Hermione a powerless piece in the whole ordeal, unaware of what was even happening around her.

Processing all this, and unable to do much, Tonks closed their eyes and breathed in and out a few times. 

“You’re right. But I’m also scared.” Tonks opened their eyes and looked at Lucía’s understanding eyes. “I know that people have this idea of me, the cool, edgy Auror.” They laughed a mirthless laugh, and rolled their eyes self deprecatingly. “But she doesn’t know about me, about… Fuck, I don’t even know. All these changes… gender and whatnot. I feel like it’s too much. Like _I am_ too much, and I’m afraid she’ll feel that way too. I’m terrified of her thinking of me differently. I’m—” Tonks abruptly cut themselves off, and looked at the floor, scrunching their face.

A second passed, and then in a whisper they said. “What if she is revolted?”

With a look of pained understanding, Lucía softened and came closer to Tonks, grabbing their hands and squeezing in support. Tonks still couldn’t look up, the feeling of vulnerability too strong inside them. They weren’t used to being so open, much less with these extremely personal matters, and they felt defenceless and tiny. Lucía waited, and then ducked to search Tonks’ eyes.

“Shit, hey… I’m sorry for pushing. It shouldn’t be too much, okay? It’s alright if she doesn’t quite understand it at first, but if it’s too heavy for her, then… then she might not be a good match.” Tonks nodded, knowing she was right. “Did she react badly to Xavi?”

“No.” They were engulfed in silence again, hands still clasped together.

“Do you want to tell her?”

Tonks sighed and freed their left hand to run it through their hair in a nervous habit. “I do, I really do, but what can I even tell her? I don’t even understand it myself, If I’m not a woman, then what am I?”

Lucía nodded again, and hugged Tonks close, but didn’t say anything to that. Tonks wished she could give them the answers, the names and labels, a more specific explanation to what they felt, but they knew nobody had an answer for that. Taking a step back, Lucía grabbed Tonks’ forearms gently.

“Tonks, you deserve to be with someone who will see who you are, who won’t think you’re too much.” Lucía raised her hands and cupped Tonks’ face delicately. “You don’t have to tell her about you, you don’t have to tell _anybody_ if you don’t want to. But if you do want to share with her, then maybe you have to give her the space to tell you how she feels, instead of you assuming. Even if she chooses something that you don’t want.”

“But I want her to like me.”

Lucía smiled wistfully, dropping her hands and putting some space between them, but grabbing Tonks’ hand. “Yeah well, we don’t always get what we want, and that’s okay.” Lucía shrugged. “And before you make it about you, no Tonks, I am over you.”

Tonks felt the relieved laughter coming from within them, relief over having Lucía as a friend. Someone who cared enough to slap some sense into them. “Ugh, why are you so wise?”

“Los golpes que da la vida.” She said, making a punching gesture in front of a very confused Tonks.

x

They walked back, and Tonks took their spot next to Hermione again. The conversation was still going around them, but Hermione was only listening. After a few minutes, she turned around and in a quiet voice asked. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, why?”

Hermione shook her head and bit her lip, looking as if she had more to say but was debating on whether she should go through with it. Tonks wondered if Hermione had seen the conversation they had with Lucía.

“It looked like an intense conversation.” Okay, so she had noticed. In that moment, Tonks made the decision to tell Hermione what they felt before they went back to London. Tomorrow, not tonight; tonight was about something else.

“It was nothing, some pep talk.” Before Hermione could ask the more questions, Tonks grabbed her hand and interlaced their fingers. Music was still coming from somewhere across the Plaza, and Tonks wanted Hermione to feel happy again. “Do you want to go to that club? I’m sure everyone would be happy to go.”

Hermione shook her head. “No, I am okay here.”

“Are you sure?”

“We came here as a group, remember?” She squeezed their fingers closer together. “I want to be here.”

xxxx

When they finally went back to the flat it was well into the night, but they were still high on energy. Hermione showered first, and Tonks sat down on the couch, waiting for their turn, dozing off a couple times. After a bit, Hermione emerged with wet curls and in pajamas, and Tonks went to shower too, eager to get rid of the grit and sweat of the day. They were sure that by the time they came out of the shower, Hermione would be sound asleep, but when Tonks stepped out, Hermione was sitting cross legged on top of the duvet’s bed, her wand moving in a repetitive pattern around her head.

Hermione looked up at Tonks, and at seeing their curious eyes, they spoke up. “There is a muggle process, but sometimes I fully support the magical equivalent to dry hair faster, and keep it protected at night.” Hermione kept moving her hand, her ringlets slowly drying. “I was going to wait until I went back home, but today was intense.”

Tonks nodded in agreement, eyelids heavy, and sat down next to Hermione on the bed. “Are you not tired? You don’t have to wait for me.”

“A bit, but I want to keep you company until you’re done.”

“I had fun today.” Hermione turned to look at Tonks. “It was really, really nice. Your friends here are lovely.”

“I’m glad, I had fun too.”

They stayed in companionable silence for a few moments, the only sound coming from their breathing and Hermione’s movements. After a while, Tonks realised that they hadn’t asked Hermione about her family, and figured it was a good time now. “How are your parents?”

Hermione didn’t speak at first, she waved her hand a few more times before lowering her arm fully and touching her hair to make sure she was done.

“They’re okay, still have headaches, but it’s manageable.” She didn’t say anything else, and even though Tonks felt like there was something that was going left unsaid, they also felt that maybe it wasn’t the best to end such a pleasant day with a heavy conversation, so they decided to not ask further. 

Hermione went over a few more charms, and ended with one that made her hair glow silver for a few seconds, and then go back to her regular brown color, a thin protective sheen covering her curls.

“I’m done.” Tonks had been following Hermione’s movements with their eyes, but hadn’t noticed how utterly tired they were, so when Hermione spoke up they couldn’t help but be startled. They nodded and unfolded their legs, about to get off the bed and move to the couch. Hermione turned off the lights with a wave of her wand and settled under the duvet, at the same time that Tonks was getting comfortable on the sofa.

A minute of silence passed, and Tonks felt themselves drift off, the drowsiness seizing their body.

“Tonks?” Disoriented, Tonks opened their eyes in the darkness, and mumbled a questioning sound. “Would you mind sleeping here? I don’t want to sleep alone.” It took a few seconds for Tonks to react, but when the request finally hit Tonks, they felt their heart start beating faster.

Tonks walked to the bed, and hesitated for half a second before getting under the duvet. They moved around, trying to get comfortable, fluffing up their pillow and laying on their back. They couldn’t see Hermione, but they could feel her stare boring on the side of their face, barely illuminated by the moonlight coming from the outside. Tonks turned their head to her, and murmured a quiet goodnight. 

Their breathing started getting deeper, and Tonks could feel themselves be carried away into unconsciousness again, until they felt movement from their side. Suddenly a hand was grabbing their hand in a light grasp, and after only a second of hesitation, Tonks turned more to the side facing Hermione and sliding their hands closer. In between them, their clasped hands were the final connection to end the day, and Tonks, minutes away from completely falling asleep, released a sigh so deep that couldn’t be interpreted as anything else but contentment.

“Are you friends that kiss?”

From between the fog of sleep, Tonks heard Hermione speak again, and they reflexively tightened their grip on her hand, bringing it closer to their chest, just shy of touching it. Tonks fought against the lethargy, making an effort to understand Hermione’s words, and when they finally were able to process them, their face scrunched up in confusion. “You and Lucía, I mean. Are you the kind of friends that kiss?”

Understanding, but slow to react, Tonks opened bleary eyes and squinted in the dark. They couldn’t see much, but they saw Hermione’s eyes closed, a worried line between her eyebrows. Tonks wanted to reach out and smooth the crease with their thumb, but could only shake their head slowly, speaking up a moment after.

“No, I don’t do that.” A moment passed in silence, and Tonks thought Hermione had fallen asleep, exhaustion finally catching up to her. 

Her voice, slurred and sleepy, reached their ears. “You did that with me.” 

“It was different.”

“Why?”

“Because it was you.” Tonks didn’t know if Hermione heard, too tired to ask. Making an effort, Tonks opened their eyes again, and saw Hermione's relaxed face. Her mouth was slightly open, puffing out breaths. Overwhelmed by the image of Hermione sound asleep in front of them, Tonks moved their clasped hands closer and ghosted a kiss on Hermione’s knuckles. Tonks fell asleep immediately after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References
> 
> 1\. The actual Pride takes place in Gran Vía, and it's hella fun and crowded. No seriously, look at this picture of [Pride 2011.](https://uh.gsstatic.es/sfAttachPlugin/62816.jpg) Can you imagine this during Covid times?
> 
> 2\. "Los golpes que da la vida" -- Literal translation: "The punches that life gives you", but a more similar one would be "Life's hardships" or "Life knocks you over". Ish, kinda, but I think it's pretty self explanatory.
> 
> 3\. The music that I was thinking of when I wrote that part about it being impossible not to move is, lo and behold, reggaeton. It's not Spanish, but Latin American (Caribbean most precisely), but it's very popular in Spain too. Here's a sample of the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTfswlhOqc0) that's been stuck in my head for a few days now.


	15. Tonks Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for the support and patience. I'm still enjoying the ride, penniless, but with lots of healing underway.
> 
> Who would've thought this story would have given me so much joy?

By the city’s party standards, it hadn’t been that late when they had fallen asleep the night before, but the exhaustion of the day had overwhelmed their bodies into sleeping earlier than usual.

The first time Tonks woke up, they did so slowly, in a state of not full consciousness. Tonks was sleeping on their side, and their right arm was squished under their body in a way that made it faintly pulsate in pain. Drowsily they moved until the arm was free and extended, and in doing so, Tonks’ mind registered the feeling of Hermione’s body tucked in behind them. The summer season had them sleeping in shorts, and with their closeness, their bare legs were touching.

Blinking against the haze, Tonks felt Hermione’s arm loosely over their torso, and her face seemed to be directly behind Tonks’ back. Even through the thin shirt Tonks was wearing, they could feel Hermione’s warm breathing seeping through the cotton and onto the sensitive space between their shoulder blades, not quite touching, but close enough that Hermione’s warm exhales made Tonks’ skin tingle.

The sun was out, but it wasn’t as bright yet, signaling that it was still early morning. _Not time to wake up yet_. And so, still dazed from sleep and from the sensation of Hermione so close to them, Tonks closed their eyes, burrowing their head on the pillow, and moving their left arm to grab Hermione’s lax hand. Thoughts still jumbled from sleep, Tonks pulled on Hermione’s arm, wanting to bring her closer to them. It worked, because a second later, Hermione mumbled something in her sleep and burrowed further closer to Tonks, making their bodies touch fully.

Tonks’ right arm went under their pillow, and with their left hand still clasping Hermione’s, they trapped her arm close to their chest. Hermione made a soft noise, but settled a moment after, her hand instinctively bringing Tonks closer to her front, fingers splayed against Tonks’ sternum. Amidst the haze of sleep that was enveloping Tonks again, they felt Hermione’s nose move across their nape, her lips ghosting over the sensitive skin, and Tonks couldn't help but shiver and release a sigh of pleasure. Unable to fight off sleep any longer, Tonks let themselves go and went into a peaceful slumber again.

x

The second time Tonks woke up, it took them a few seconds to notice that Hermione’s arm was gone, and that they couldn’t feel her body behind them. They blinked their eyes open slowly, but scrunched them close again, shielding them from the brighter light filtering through the window. Without moving much, they groggily took in their flushed skin from the summer heat, and noticed that the duvet had been kicked down around their thighs. Their thin shirt had ridden up to expose part of their torso and back, cooling them slightly. Still feeling sluggish and with closed eyes, Tonks remembered the distinct feeling of Hermione’s body pressing against their back, and breathed a soft sigh of disappointment when their mind finally processed that the pressure was gone. Immediately after this, Tonks heard a small intake of breath from behind them, but still enshrouded in the haze of heaviness, they stayed in the same position. They felt too tired to open their eyes and begin their day, the melancholy over Hermione’s absence permeating their peaceful wakefulness.

A few seconds later, Tonks felt a very, _very_ faint touch on their back, and it took them a second to understand what it was. It felt as if a single digit was tracing unknown patterns on their exposed skin, but through the fog, incredulity was also very persuasive, and Tonks’ mind couldn’t understand why Hermione would touch them so softly, so intimately. It wasn’t until they felt a secondary touch, unmistakingly the pad of a thumb tracing shapeless contours on their back, that Tonks knew Hermione was actively touching their skin.

Eyes still closed, Tonks’ face was overtaken by confusion, the sensation of cold fingers overwhelming them emotionally, both making them feel heated at the intimacy of the touch, and pain at the secrecy of it. If Hermione was doing this oh so very gently, while she thought Tonks was asleep, it was obvious that they didn’t want Tonks to find out. Tonks felt divided, they didn’t dare to move, too selfish to disrupt whatever had taken a hold of Hermione, wanting to savor the moment, take whatever was offered, even if she didn’t know Tonks was now a wide awake spectator.

Tonks knew that there were many things they didn’t excel at, that often they struggled with things that seemed to come so easy to the rest of people, but they _were_ observant, and they _had_ been paying attention. Even though Hermione had been affectionate with them, they had never done anything like this before, neither prior to the kiss or after it happened. It seemed to Tonks that they were moving in phases, dancing around the attraction; first the one sided crush, then the kiss and possibility of something, now it seemed as if the next dance was to figure out what the patterns in their back meant. It made Tonks dizzy with hopefulness, but also disoriented in this unclear movement of intimate snapshots.

They kept still for as long as they could, breathing slowly and deeply, not showing any signs of how the touch was affecting them, wanting to bask in it, even if Hermione didn’t know Tonks was relishing in every movement. But try as they might, they couldn’t help their body’s reaction to the touch for long. When Hermione’s fingers boldly splayed against Tonks’ heated skin, the tips of her fingers curling in on the curve of Tonks’ waist, her thumb moving back and forth on their back, Tonks felt themselves lose the battle of neutrality. There was something to the way Hermione was touching them, as if wanting to pull them closer; it felt possessive and daring, and Tonks felt goosebumps erupt all over the skin near Hermione’s hand, going all the way up to their neck. Unable to stop it, a small tremor of pleasure shot through all of their body, and Tonks heard a shaky inhale of breath from their friend; Hermione’s hand went still, but she didn’t let go.

“Tonks?” Hermione whispered, her voice still scratchy from sleep. “Are you awake?”

Afraid and unsure of what it all meant, Tonks stayed terribly still, their mind in overdrive over what to do, but the words were not coming, and so they stayed silent, feigning sleep. For a few moments nothing changed, until Tonks felt Hermione’s face on their back, her forehead touching gently the space between Tonks’ shoulder blades. Hermione stayed there for a second, her hand applying more gentle pressure to Tonks’ side, but a second later, her hand was gone, leaving pink, flushed skin in its wake.

Tonks heard the rustling of sheets behind them, and felt the bed dip, but didn’t hear footsteps. For a sad second, they wished Hermione would come back, they wished Hermione wasn’t so skittish over whatever was happening between them. But the moment was gone, because then the soft padding of bare feet reached their ears, and the underwhelming, quiet click of the bathroom door fully reminded Tonks that moments were not enough.

x

By the time Hermione came out of the bedroom, Tonks had shaken off the residual melancholy and confusion of the morning, and had begun the preparations for Hermione’s last day in the city. She was leaving in the evening, so that ensured they still could enjoy their Sunday at a leisure pace, and Tonks had planned a nice day out.

Tonks was almost done getting a backpack full of water and supplies ready, when they turned and smiled widely at their friend.

“How did you sleep?” Tonks’ eyes roved all over Hermione’s face, an attempt to reconcile the clutter inside their head, but Hermione’s smile was all toothy and friendly. Nothing on her features gave away the fact that a mere half an hour ago, she was touching Tonks’ bare skin in a display of sweet gentleness, and Tonks couldn’t help the small pang they felt over the lack of reaction.

“Like a baby.” The response made Tonks’ stomach clench in both delight and uncertainty. At that moment, Tonks committed to having the important conversation of their feelings before Hermione left. The sooner they could get things out in the clear, the sooner they could go back to normal, no weird vagueness between them.

x

Before they left the flat, Tonks had made sure to cast an anti theft charm on both of them, just in case their wallets were targeted by pickpockets, as they did probably look and sound like distracted tourists. After walking for about twenty minutes, they finally reached an area where there was heavy traffic of pedestrians. People were coming and going in all directions, carrying bags, and Tonks led Hermione to the widest street, where they could see an endless number of tents and tables, set up all over the pavement and street, selling gadgets and knick knacks from a wide spectrum of functionalities.

They walked along the flea market, sometimes straying to the stands on smaller side streets, intrigued by calls of some of the stall owners, looking around and finding their curiosity piqued by the different artifacts.

After looking around for a bit over an hour, they decided to go into a coffee shop and get some breakfast. Wanting for Hermione’s final day to be memorable, Tonks asked her for permission, and then ordered them both a typical Spanish bite of bread with tomato and thinly sliced Spanish ham. Hermione loved it, and Tonks pinned it down as another victory.

x

Once they finished breakfast, they went back to the flea market to continue their morning. Every street they traversed, they were met with people from many different backgrounds both trying to make a living as stall owners, or out enjoying a Sunday with friends and family. Unsurprisingly, Hermione had been immediately drawn to the numerous book stalls available, but after a while they also delved into a few stalls with clothes. They didn’t find anything worth buying at first, until Hermione turned to Tonks excitedly, a jacket on her hands.

“Do you like it?” Hermione said excitedly, giving the garment to Tonks. “I think it suits your style.” The jacket was thick, black denim, with colorful, punkish embroidery on the back. Tonks examined it with care, actually liking it immediately. “It has all these bold symbols too.” Hermione pointed to the side, where Tonks could see different badges. The jacket looked pretty grunge and it definitely fitted Tonks’ genre of clothes, but it wasn’t until they inspected it closely that they noticed that the biggest inscription on it said ‘Girl Power’ in bright pink letters, with a female symbol next to it in the same color.

Mistaking Tonks’ raised eyebrows for awe, Hermione laughed and said. “Brilliant, right?”

Knowing that there was nothing Tonks could say that would justify the reluctance they were feeling without it leading to a bigger conversation, Tonks smiled at Hermione and nodded. “Quite brilliant.”

Hermione, pleased with her discovery, insisted on buying the jacket for Tonks, and so she walked a few steps away with the intention to make the purchase to the owner of the stall. Feeling a bit disoriented and guilty over not being completely honest with Hermione, Tonks stayed behind. It wasn’t that they didn’t like the jacket, they _did_ , but the words on it jumped back at them and created a dissonance of feelings.

Tonks was about to follow Hermione, when someone waved at them from nearby. “Hey! What’s up?”

Turning to the sound, Tonks saw Natalia approach them from the stall next to where they were. Natalia made her way over to where Tonks was standing, another person walking next to her. When they reached Tonks, they smiled and said hi back.

“Tonks, this is my partner Rubén.” 

They exchanged pleasantries, Rubén extending their arm to shake with Tonks. “Forgive me, my English is not good. What are your pronouns?”

Never having been questioned so directly before, Tonks’ mind went blank for a second, until they saw both of them look at them expectantly. Confused as to why Natalia seemed to look as if she didn’t know either, Tonks finally replied. “Uh, currently they/them, seeing how it works out.”

Rubén nodded eagerly. “Got it, mine are he/his.” Tonks smiled at how easy it had been, and Natalia started chatting, leading the conversation for a few minutes, until Hermione finally came back with a bag on her left hand and a tentative hi to the group.

“This is my friend Hermione. She’s here visiting for the festivities.” Again, they exchanged pleasantries, and after a moment, both Natalia and Rubén began giving them recommendations on stalls to visit, things to see at the market, and where Hermione could find the rarest books available.

“If you’re staying in the area for lunch, I recommend this Peruvian restaurant. They have the most amazing grilled chicken there.” Rubén said enthusiastically, the black hair on top of his head moving with his words. By the time the two of them had finally said their goodbyes, Hermione and Tonks had at least 6 different stops to make at the market.

They both continued their walkthrough, and after a while, Hermione pointed at a small park. They made their way over and sat down on a bench, drinking water and just resting.

“I keep saying this, but I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

Tonks smiled, happy for the validation. “There are lots of places we didn’t get to see, so I guess we’ll just have to come back some other time.”

Hermione smiled back at Tonks, from behind the bottle of water, her eyes crinkling. She stopped drinking and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand distractedly. “I’ll put it on the list.”

xxxx

The restaurant that Rubén recommended had a very cozy, homely vibe to it. A sense of camaraderie was noticeable in the staff, from the person who received them, to their server, to the people behind the counter, making them think it was a family business.

They were directed to a table by a big window that overlooked the busy street, and they placed their order after they asked the waiter for recommendations. Never having had Peruvian food before, Tonks couldn’t help the excitement they felt, but it was soon surpassed by the anxiety over what came next.

“Have you had this type of food before?” Tonks was nervous and a bit desperate to extend the lightheartedness of the day. Hermione shook her head and smiled, but remained silent otherwise, looking around the restaurant and out the window. It almost seemed to Tonks, as if she could feel their apprehensiveness herself.

Noticing that there was no other reason to delay the talk any longer, Tonks heaved a sigh. “So, I have to tell you something.” Hermione snapped her eyes back to Tonks, nodding after a moment. When almost a minute passed and Tonks still couldn’t figure out the words to begin, Hermione extended her hand and touched Tonks’ fingers gently.

“You don’t need to tell me, Tonks.”

A lopsided smile overtook Tonks’ features, touched by Hermione’s gesture, but there was no going back. Lucía was right, this needed to be talked about, if only to be able to move past it. “I know, but I want to.” Tonks looked around the restaurant, at the other people talking and enjoying their meals. “I just don’t know where to start, really.”

Hermione bit her lip, and Tonks suddenly came to the realisation that this conversation would change their interactions, for a while at least. Swamped by the feeling, they paused again, and in that pause Hermione spoke up. “I overheard your conversation, you don’t— I know it’s a very private thing, so please don’t feel obligated to explain.”

The words went through Tonks’ ears and they understood the literal meaning of it, but it just didn’t fit the context. Furrowing their brow, Tonks felt confused for a solid second, until it abruptly clicked.

“Oh, I didn’t know you heard.” Hermione winced.

“I didn’t mean to, I only did because I saw them approach you and I wasn’t sure if they were a threat or not.” She paused, and gave Tonks a self deprecating smile. “The hypervigilance? It’s hard to turn it off. I’m sorry for intruding, I tuned the conversation out as soon as I realised you knew them.” Hermione looked down at the table, but then Tonks could see the exact moment she caught up with what was happening. Tonks was too far gone in their feelings to even be put off by it, finding themselves oddly charmed at her display of quick astuteness. “Wait, was that... Were you going to tell me something else?”

Tonks couldn’t help the big grin on their face, finding it very comical. They paused, licked their lips and let their eyes go unfocused for a second. “Okay, I have two things to tell you.” 

Tonks laughed, until they finally sobered up.

“I have been… Confused? No, that’s not right.” Tonks began, wholly unprepared for _this_ conversation. “Questioning?” They gave a sigh in frustration. “The first time I was here, I was very shocked by Xavi. When Lucía told me they were non-binary, that they were neither a man nor a woman, I… It took me by surprise, because… I didn’t know I could do that.” Tonks shrugged their shoulders, looking at Hermione with a worried half-smile. “I always thought I didn’t get a say in it, and that the discomfort I felt was… standard for everyone.

Fun fact, apparently it isn’t.” Even though Tonks laughed again, Hermione was quiet, listening attentively.

“Spain felt like a good place to test some things out. No one knew me here, no one had preconceived expectations of me, of Tonks, the edgy, _female_ , auror. I could just— be, and see how I felt.” Tonks paused again, letting Hermione have a moment to process. “I started using neutral pronouns, and they feel… They feel _right, better_. I’m not sure I can put a name to it yet, but I—” They shrugged again, not really knowing how to continue. “I might be non-binary? It’s still a work in progress, but I feel closer to something than before.”

Hermione nodded, her mouth slightly open, but no sound coming out. Before Tonks could overthink it, the waiter arrived with their food. He put a big platter of cut up chicken in the middle of the table, followed by smaller containers full of colorful sauces, rice and salad on the side. When the waiter left, after their thanks, Tonks noticed Hermione was still not moving much, and decided to take initiative. They grabbed Hermione’s empty plate and loaded it up with a bit of everything, including a chicken leg —Hermione’s favorite part—, even though it was Tonks’ favorite as well.

Once the plate was back on Hermione’s side, Tonks started fixing their own plate of food.

“Thank you.” Hermione made a tiny pause, but continued. “Is this why you use Tonks, instead of your first name?”

Caught in the middle of making a mess with the rice, Tonks shrugged their affirmation. “Mostly. It _is_ a very long name, and I appreciate my parents for choosing it, but it never felt like it was mine, not the way that Tonks does.” Hermione nodded again in understanding.

“Tonks… Thank you for telling me. I don’t know if I even need to say this, but this doesn’t change how I view you, okay?” Hermione pinned Tonks with an intense gaze. “When I think of you, I think of someone who’s fierce, unapologetic, clumsy to a fault,” At this, Hermione swept her hand over the place where Tonks had made a mess with the rice, and Tonks’ cheeks heated up from amused embarrassment. “Someone who’s brave and funny and loyal _and_ strong. That’s you, and nothing will change that. You tell me if you need me to do something different, but changing how I speak about you is… Not a problem in the slightest.”

Tonks tried very hard to keep their emotions in check, not wanting to be a crying mess in public. They could feel the sting of unshed tears in their eyes, and so Tonks closed their eyes, breathing in slowly. Finally, Tonks looked across the table at Hermione, and felt a pull so strong that it made them light-headed, overwhelmed by how _loved_ they felt at Hermione’s words.

“Thank you, I—” Taking a moment to compose themselves, Tonks shook their head. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” Hermione’s gaze softened, and Tonks was reminded once again of the affection they felt so strongly.

“ _Please_ , don’t ever be afraid to tell me something.” Her voice was raw with emotion, and Tonks’ jitters over what came next increased tenfold. “I’m not going to get spooked, okay?”  
Both of them started eating again, and Tonks felt the knot inside of them lose a bit of the tension, but there was still the other part of the conversation, looming over them.

The sauces were spicy, but both of them enjoyed the delicious food, until they were full. Deciding to embrace the place’s traditions for the last day of their short vacation, both of them ordered a cup of coffee, and decided to rest for a bit enjoying the _sobremesa_.

Happily enjoying the glow of having a full tummy, Tonks was reluctant to break the quiet moment, but knew that they needed to power through it.

“I… also have something else to tell you.” Hermione gave them an encouraging nodd, knowing that there was still something else that needed to be discussed, but wanting to give Tonks the space to bring it up. Without thinking much about it Tonks blurted it out. “I have feelings for you.”

Hermione furrowed her brow in confusion. “Feelings?”

“Yeah…” In a quiet, almost embarrassed voice, Tonks continued. “Romantic feelings.”

“Oh.” Hermione remained silent, her brow losing a bit of its tension, but looking bewildered. Hermione didn’t say anything after a few moments, but when her face held the same shock, Tonks felt a familiar pang in their chest. Surprise was understandable, but stunned silence didn’t abode well for Tonks’ heart.

“Look, Hermione, I didn’t mean for it to happen, and everything I’ve done so far comes from our friendship, okay? There was no… ulterior motive to any of it. I don’t want you to think I was, I don’t know, doing things in order to get something back.” Tonks cradled their cup of coffee, and leaned forward, trying to make Hermione see the sincerity in their words. “I know this is shitty, because you're leaving in a few hours, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it before. To be honest, I planned to stay quiet until I could move on, but Lucía snapped some sense into me, and—”

“Lucía knows?”

“Well… yeah, I told her.”

“Oh, is that why you broke things off with her?”

“Uh, no. Maybe indirectly, but it just didn’t seem fair when I couldn’t emotionally meet her fully.” Tonks felt awkward and out of control, but they didn’t miss the fact that Hermione hadn’t said anything about reciprocation. She didn’t look angry or disgusted or disappointed, and that felt like a tiny victory at least. But she didn’t look happy about the news either, and it made Tonks feel small and exposed. They wanted to finish the conversation and go hide, but they just sighed through the crushing disappointment and continued.

“I resisted them quite a lot, but…” Tonks stopped, shaking their head, there was no point in making this more difficult for themselves. “I thought you should know.”

They fell into a heavy silence, heavier than any other moment they had experienced before.

“I… I don’t know what to say, Tonks.” Tonks deflated, and inside them they could recognise that up until that moment, they had genuinely hoped Hermione would snap out of her stupor and say that she could also feel something going on. But then Hermione continued her chopped response, and Tonks was painfully aware of where it was headed. “I— I don’t—”

“I'm not expecting anything, okay? I know you're not attracted to, uh, to women. We never talked about the— about what happened back in London, and that's okay, I think I understand why. But I— it was, it meant something for me, and it felt treacherous to not stay anything.”

Hermione made eye contact for the first time since they had started the conversation. “Are you one?”

“Hmm?”

“A woman.”

Tonks shrugged. “I don't know. Does it make a difference?”

“I… I don't know either.” Tonks moved their hand and scratched their right eyebrow, suddenly exhausted. “Jesus, I— Tonks… it meant something for me too, but I— I _can’t_. I— this is a lot to process.”

Tonks’ momentary elation at the small admission ebbed away rapidly at hearing Hermione’s distressed voice. Tonks didn’t want their admission to cause her grief in any way, they just wanted to come clean so they could figure out a way to move on. “Hey… I didn’t tell you so you could say anything back, okay? I just wanted to tell you because I’m sure my face wouldn’t have been able to hold it in for much longer.”

Tonks hadn’t been a naive teenager for a while, so they hadn’t expected Hermione to jump at them with words of love and attraction. Tonks could handle rejection, they could manage. But this felt a more important rejection, at its core. It felt as if everything was too much for Hermione, and while Tonks agreed that it was a lot to process, it reinforced what they already had been fearing: that anything with them would require extra steps, exploration, processing, adjustment. It wasn’t Hermione’s fault, and it wasn’t Tonks’ either, but it felt to them as if there was always going to be this extra weight looming on top of their head. If their own closest friend was stunned, how could Tonks ever begin to explore what all of it meant with another person, without overwhelming them in the process?

“I’m sorry, Tonks.”

x

There wasn’t much left to say after that. They made their way to the flat to pick up Hermione’s packed things, so Tonks could walk her to the Floo Departures office. Not wanting to face the bedroom after the conversation, their morning’s sleepy closeness appearing to have happened so long ago, Tonks waited for Hermione in the kitchen while she packed the last things she’d bought at the fair.

Once she was ready, they walked back to the building. They weren’t being awkward with each other, but the comfortable silences that they had once enjoyed, seemed to be deafening now, as if there was something else that needed to be said.

When they stood in front of the fireplaces that lined up the walls, a few moments before Hermione had to step through one of them, they said goodbye delicately. Hermione hesitated for the briefest of moments before stepping close and hugging them goodbye, but still Tonks took notice. Nevertheless, Tonks hugged Hermione close, needing the proximity, suddenly gripped by doubt and fear over not seeing her again.

As if she could read their mind, Hermione stepped back and grabbed Tonks’ hand with both of her hands, her thumbs moving back and forth over their knuckles.

“I’ll see you back in London soon, okay?” The gentleness of Hermione’s touch was a balm for their ache, but it was also mortifying, as if Tonks was about to break over this. Unable to reply, Tonks only nodded and gave her a small smile, hoping it looked more cheerful than the crestfallen feeling they were seized in.

Hermione’s time to leave came, and she walked into the fireplace, turning back to see Tonks small wave of goodbye, her eyes never leaving theirs, until the green flames enveloped her completely and a moment later she was gone.

x

Despite everything, by the time Tonks got back to the flat, they were feeling a bit better. Sure, they would’ve loved a confession of fervent love and the soft whispers of a lover, but their friendship would power through this, and to Tonks that was more than enough. Hermione was not going to stop being their friend, and that had been what had terrified Tonks into inaction all this time.

They walked to the bedroom, wanting to take a shower and allow themselves time to process and relax, but their eyes caught the jacket laying on top of the bed. Hermione probably left it there for them when she was packing her last things. Tonks walked over to it and touched the material, skimming their hands over the front.

But then they turned it around, and Tonks’ eyes immediately watered with emotion. Their throat closed up, and their hands tightened around the material. Closing their eyes, Tonks felt tears make a hot trail down their cheeks, and they angrily wiped them away.

When they opened their eyes, they could see the modified inscription through the blurriness. The ‘Girl Power’ inscription was long gone, in its place in bright pink letters was ‘Tonks Power’, the female symbol changed to a simple star too. The heavy realisation that Hermione had changed it after their conversation at the restaurant hit Tonks fully, and it made their chest ache again.

It took a long time for Tonks to finally be able to put the jacket away, hoping that the water from the shower would alleviate the emotional exhaustion they were feeling, if only slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References
> 
> 1.[ El Rastro flea market](https://valthebackpacker.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/img_9965.jpg)
> 
> 2\. The breakfast food was [Pan Tumaca](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-acLNWp3cd4o%2FTVR54flzLOI%2FAAAAAAAAAGE%2FXktMah0XmVo%2Fs1600%2FPan-con-tumaca.jpg&f=1&nofb=1), which is crunchy bread with smashed tomato and garlic on top, and some Iberic ham. JFC, that shit's bomb.
> 
> 3\. The[ Peruvian style grilled chicken](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fdmn-dallas-news-prod.cdn.arcpublishing.com%2Fresizer%2FJRPeNletC_FgbFkm4B-jwR6uDTw%3D%2F1660x934%2Fsmart%2Ffilters%3Ano_upscale\(\)%2Farc-anglerfish-arc2-prod-dmn.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2FBLGZERQR34C5QCTTW73YQWS65U.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) is hands down one of the best ones I've tried in my life. It looks pretty standard but the sauces and the seasoning is just _*chef kiss*._
> 
>   
> 4\. Sobremesa doesn't have a literal translation to English, but it's a word that refers to after eating conversation. The time you spend at the table chit chatting after a meal.


End file.
